LDS Adoption Connection

Saying Goodbye and Links

2011-10-18T01:00:00.001-07:00

It is bittersweet, but I must tell you, I’ve decided not to write weekly posts for the time being. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing for you all and have enjoyed the comments I received.

One of the reasons I feel like it’s time for me to step aside and let someone else take over Tuesday is because I feel like I’ve said all I was meant to say. I’m truly passionate about adoption and love sharing my knowledge with others, but because my knowledge is so limited and I haven’t yet adopted, I feel it best if I open up the gates for others to bring forth their words of wisdom.

So for my final post for now, I’ll be brief; I thought that both CJaneRun and TheRHouse summed up two great posts on infertility this last weekend. Make sure and check them out.

Keeping Perspective

2011-10-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago my sister-in-law J told me that she and my brother are expecting baby #4. She told me before they told anyone else--even the grandparents--because she was concerned about how I would feel. She was worried that I would be hurt that they are having number four while we are desperately hoping to adopt number two. I wasn't hurt. I was excited for them and excited that they live just a few minutes from us so we can be a part of this baby's life. I appreciated her concern and felt pretty special that I knew about the baby before anyone else in our families.

On Tuesday they had their ultrasound to find out the gender of #4. (They have two boys and a girl.) My brother sent me a text that read, "K (their daughter) is officially the last of the Mohicans." I assured him that K will be fine. I grew up with three brothers and no sisters and I turned out okay. He responded with, "If she's anything like her aunt, it will take three brothers to keep her line." Hey, now!

So after this fun exchange I started thinking about what really had just happened and started to tear up. No, I wasn't thinking about how wonderful it was that they're having #4 and that wasn't it neat that they had been able to see him. It hit me afresh that I will never have that experience. I will never feel a baby growing inside me. I will never have that "let's find out what kind of baby we're having" ultrasound. Never.

I couldn't believe how upset I was. I thought I was past all of that. I'm okay with our infertility (most of the time) and I love adoption, but it was like a slap in the face, reminding me that I'm different, I'm broken. I don't get to be in the club. I didn't feel like B and J were reminding me of this, but our closeness was probably the catalyst for my mini-meltdown. I love them so much and am so excited for them and feel sad that I will never get to experience the very beginnings of parenthood in the way they do.

I felt pretty sorry for myself for the rest of the day. I called my husband to tell him the news, cried a lot, and told him I wouldn't be making dinner. He's so wonderful. He brought me flowers and ordered dinner. I kind of just checked out for a while. I let him do the bedtime routine with Olivia and wallowed a bit.

Then I started remembering that Heavenly Father knows and loves me. He knows me far better than I know myself and loves me more than I am capable of imagining. He's given me everything I value (and plenty of things I don't value enough). He has plans for me. Big plans. He has given me the opportunity to be a mother through the miracle of adoption. He teaches me through my experiences--the good and the tough--and provides me the opportunity to become a better person. And sometimes I actually remember that. I think I needed that jolt of awareness this week to help me keep perspective. I am a daughter of God. He loves me and wants me to be happy. That is what I need to remember and focus on--all the time.

Answer to Prayers

2011-10-11T01:00:00.002-07:00

"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

My husband and I have been on two journeys, as we try and build our family. These journeys have required a lot of soul searching and kneeling. It is only as of this evening that I feel a profound peace in my heart. I'm beginning to understand that my place in adoption is to be an advocate not for myself but for adoption as a whole, and to be the answers to prayers of people needing someone to talk to when just starting their own journey. I feel there is much more to my purpose, but it suffices me to say that we need to be open and ready to answer the prayers of those around us.

I thought I'd share this story with you...(here's a link to the original)

Tonight the Mr. and I were sitting on our couch watching a movie and at 8:30 pm someone knocked on our door. It turned out to be our neighbor who we've talked to once and waved to now and then. But never really got to know like we should have. She asked for me and then with a little hesitation and fear in her voice, told us that she just happened to come across our profile on itsaboutlove and she was wondering if we had time to talk to her. At first I was speechless. I thought that maybe our day had come and a birth mom had selected us. So we invited her into our messy house and sat on the couch for an hour and 15 minutes talking about the beauty of adoption. It turns out she just found out she couldn't have kids four weeks ago after an ectopic pregnancy cost her one tube and endometriosis cost her the other. She asked about dealing with grieving, what to expect with adoption, how to fill out the paperwork and so much more. The Mr. and I sat there and spilled our guts and were just so happy to be able to share our testimony of adoption. I truly feel like she was guided to our profile to help her because she doesn't know anyone else who has ever suffered infertility. Out of the thousands of profiles out there and without the use of last names, it was absolutely God directing her to us.
It made me grateful to have FSA and the adoption community as strength and things like girls night where we all shared our stories and such to draw strength from to be exactly what she needed. I truly feel like we've been blessed with a close-knit adoption family here locally and am so grateful to have friends to talk to and lean on. It made me even the more grateful that I could give back and be the friend she needed. She left here smiling, with hope, and peace in her heart and we couldn't ask for anything more for her. What a wonderful thing to be a part of. I love adoption and the wonderful miracles and experiences it has brought into our life.

That is absolutely a true story of mine and I'm so grateful to have felt that overwhelming satisfaction of helping someone feel at peace with their situation. Just recently we did learn that instead of choosing adoption, the couple opted to move to Hawaii and attend school while trying IVF because their insurance in Hawaii would cover the procedures. If after no more success, they were at peace in knowing that adoption was a great path for them.

It is my hope that we will all be mindful of those around us, whether related to adoption or not, and be the answers to their prayers. They might be just what you needed at a time you didn't think you needed anything. My role in the above story came at a time where my faith in adoption was wavering. At that moment, I committed to memory, never to be forgotten just how important and wonderful adoption is.

Have you been able to help newcomers to adoption by sharing your experiences?

Sealed

2011-10-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

As we were rushing out the door this morning to go to the temple, I realized I still hadn't written anything for today.

We did sealings today. I had been endowed for seven years before Brigham and I were married. After we were married, being a proxy for sealings took on a whole new meaning for me. I liked doing sealings when I was single, but didn't have a full understanding of what being sealed means. (I probably still don't.) Today, as I was sitting in the sealing room, I was imagining having another child sealed to us--a soft little hand on top of ours.

Then I thought back to when Olivia was sealed to us. (She screamed the whole time!) Knowing she was sealed to us, to an entire, enormous family, changed the way I felt about her, about family, and about love. I can't wait to re-experience that, to have another child join our family, to learn even more about the sealing power in such a personal way.

Short and Sweet

2011-10-04T01:00:00.002-07:00

I'm going to keep it short and sweet this week because I have so much to ponder after the beautiful words of General Conference.
Two thoughts overtook me this last weekend.
First, we are so lucky, nay, blessed to believe that family is fundamental. To quote mormon.org , "it is the most important unit of society". Because we believe these things, we are willing to do hard things, accept infertility, and build our families through the beauty that is adoption! I truly can testify that without my religious base, I would have never overcome my infertility.
Second, hope is a beautiful thing! How anyone could ever get through this world without hope is beyond me. Just hoping for a brighter future, hoping for a baby, hoping for a prayer to be answered, etc... can brighten your life. Hope is what gets us through. Hope is what makes us strong enough.
Did General Conference touch your hearts like it did mine in the terms of adoption and infertility? I'd love to hear about it.

Finding Balance on the Adoption Roller Coaster

2011-09-29T03:20:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I originally wrote this for my personal blog www.brighamoliviasally.blogspot.com, but decided to also use it for my weekly post on http://ldsadoptioncouples.blogspot.com/. So, if it looks familiar to you, that's why. (Either that, or you're just as obsessive about adoption as I am and get just as stuck.)

Last week we were contacted by two birth moms. I don't think I can aptly describe the feeling of talking on the phone with each of these girls. Heart pounding, hands shaking, wondering if what I'm saying makes any sense, wondering what she's thinking, how she feels, why she chose to contact us. And then wondering why she didn't call back. (Out of respect for these girls who are faced with so many tough decisions, I won't go into details here.)

(On a side note: We've had so many problems with our phones that I worry we've missed calls or discouraged callers. We seem to have the home phone problem fixed. My stupid cell phone is another issue. It drops calls, and often won't hold a signal long enough for me to be able to answer or talk for long. Still working on this.)

I could easily go crazy! I know I will get better at knowing what to say/ask and hopefully will get better at reading people over the phone. But, I don't think it will get any easier. It's such a different experience than we had last time.

"We have a baby for you. Can you come get it?" Um, yes, thank you. Knowing what I know now, I kind of feel like we cheated. We got so lucky with Olivia and Alyssa. Well, it probably wasn't luck. It was meant to be. Olivia was meant to be ours and Alyssa was meant to be part of our family. I love how things have worked out. I love Alyssa. And I love our sweet Olivia.

And I love the idea of adopting again and having another wonderful relationship with our birth mom. But I'm scared that it won't be the same. I know it won't be the same, and I guess I don't want it to be exactly the same, but I still worry. I worry about what the process will do to me. Will I have any nerves or sanity left by the time we are blessed with another baby? I'm trying to focus on getting from here to there and not getting stuck in the moment.

For me, "stuck in the moment" is checking our profile stats obsessively to see how many people have looked at our profile, how many have looked at our contact page. (I know exactly where the mouse needs to be on each page of the log in process before I get to it.) It's not wanting to go anywhere I can't use my cell phone (which, these days, happens to include my home and neighborhood), or where I would have to turn it off. It's unhealthy and downright dangerous. Would I pass up an opportunity to attend the temple because a potential birth mom might call during that time block? Fortunately, I haven't gotten that bad. Yet. So, I am trying to find other things to do that are both productive and engrossing so I'm not always thinking about adoption. Yesterday that included cleaning the house and cleaning up vomit. (Oh wait, that last was just gross.) I'm looking for service opportunities, I'm trying to spend more quality time with my family and with friends. I'm looking for new adventures. I'm coloring my hair today because it sounds like fun and because I've never done it.

"Stuck in the moment," for me, also includes focusing so much on adoption that I appear, and quite frankly, am, a little unbalanced in my interactions with others. Someone may ask me, "How are things going?" And I answer with an adoption roller coaster update. And what they probably really meant was something like: "How is Brigham enjoying the new school year? How many students does he have? Has he moved into the new building yet?" or "Is Olivia still taking swimming and dance lessons? Is she loving preschool as much this year as she did last year?" or "Have you done your visiting teaching yet? What are you guys planning to be for Halloween? Is your dog still walking on only three legs?" Or any number of other things that are going on in my life. It isn't all about adoption. I'm not saying that others aren't interested in our journey. Everyone is supportive, but it's probably rather tiresome for me to come across as having a one-track mind.

I'm working on it, but this process is absorbing. I feel like it could suck the life right out of me if I don't find a way to balance the adoption portion of my life with the rest of it.

Knowing You Are Perfect

2011-09-27T01:00:00.001-07:00

The one thing I struggle with, and probably will forever, is knowing I am enough. Knowing I am perfect just as I am and that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and my family. What do I mean by this? As we've waited, and continue to wait, I've found myself asking, "what is wrong with me?", "why aren't people choosing us", "why are we having to struggle" and the list goes on and on. It's been a constant struggle to evaluate me and my personal feelings.

I went through a phase where I felt like I needed to constantly update our online profile. I felt like we needed to evaluate and then re-evaluate the decisions we made regarding what we were looking for in a child. Am I rich enough? Do we live in a good place? Do we have good jobs? Are we good looking/skinny enough? I became so wrapped up in the worldly ideals of perfect parents. I felt like I needed to change myself to one of these "ideals" rather than just being myself. I forgot to embrace who I was and what made me special and wonderful. My husband was the exact opposite. He was patient with me and reminds me often that everything will be okay. He also reminds me that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

Because my husband has been an absolute strength to me, I wanted to pass on the strength to those who might be in need.

Here's what I know,
I've learned through prayer, humility, and absolute faith, that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us. We are perfect exactly as we are and our children are coming, but we might have to wait for the right people to find us and us them. Patience and diligence are the key! I truly believe we are chosen to adopt by our Heavenly Father and I can't think of any greater honor!

It's Your Turn Next! (But it Isn't, Always)

2011-09-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

August 12, 2000. I was heading to my cousin’s wedding reception and I was excited, not just because I love him and was happy for him, but because I was about to play a trick on my extended family. At 26, I had been the oldest unmarried grandchild for five years. I wasn’t worried about it. My parents weren’t worried about it. My three brothers weren’t worried about it. My aunts were. One in particular, the one whose baby had gotten married that day.

So to keep them from worrying and from trying to hide (unsuccessfully) how sorry for me they were that I was so old and so unmarried, I made a plan. A great plan. My good friend Walter went to the reception with me, acting as my boyfriend. I never introduced him as such—everyone just assumed when they saw us holding hands that we were a couple (and it must be serious if I brought him to a family wedding!). My mom and brother Scott were in on it and helped support our charade.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself, knowing that no one was feeling sorry for me. (My pride could only take so much, after all.) And I felt like I was doing everyone a favor by providing them an opportunity to feel happy for me rather than worrying about me in my old maidenhood.

As Walter and I were leaving the reception, my aunt, the mother of the groom, pulled me aside, gave me a hug, and whispered, “It’s your turn next!”

Well guess what? It wasn’t. And that was okay with me. I was okay with my younger brother getting married before I did—three years before. I was okay with getting married at 30. I’d gone to grad school, had a job I mostly loved, and was changing the world one pediatric patient at a time. My life was good.

Of course, I have to admit that my life got better after I married Brigham!

The ward we attended after we got married had a good mix of younger and older families. We were the only ones without kids. Some of you are nodding your head right now because you know what that’s like. It kind of stinks. And now you’re thinking, “And I bet they got asked every week, just like we did, when they were going to have kids.” Well, you’re wrong. Nobody asked us that. I was glad, but I just this week discovered that Brigham was offended by people NOT asking us. He felt that people took one look at him in his wheelchair and just assumed that we couldn’t have kids.

When we decided we were ready to start our family, we sought medical help right off the bat. We figured we would need some assistance and thought it would be wise to get that figured out at the onset. And would you believe it? In the city where we lived, there was a Spinal Cord Injury Fertility Center. It was exactly what we needed. (Too bad the doctor wasn’t—he was a big, fat jerk.)

And to satisfy curiosity, our infertility has NOTHING to do with Brigham’s injury.

So there we were, an “older,” infertile couple. How did we deal with it? Well, that’s the funny thing. I felt okay about it, much like I had felt okay about being old and unmarried. The day after we got our final test results, I called and made an appointment at LDSFS to get started on our adoption journey. I knew I was meant to be a mom and that it didn’t matter how that came about.

How did other people deal with our infertility? “Oh, I’m so sorry (you’re broken).” “Well, you know, not everyone has to have kids.” “I guess it’s just not meant to be.” “Gee, how does that make you feel?” “You’ll find other ways to fill your time.” “Well, at least you have a job you can go to everyday.” “Really? So what’s wrong with you? Is it you or is it Brigham (because my money’s on Brigham)?” “Do you think if you were younger…?” “Maybe it’s for the best.” “Well, don’t you think it would be pretty difficult for you to take care of a bunch of kids, given Brigham’s disability?” Seriously, people? I know, you’ve heard it all, and worse.

We know that people say hurtful, stupid things all the time. How do we protect ourselves? Short of sticking a pillow in my shirt, I didn’t see a way to trick people into not worrying about me (and saying stupid things) like I had at my cousin’s wedding.

I’m going to be honest. I have experienced very little pain or frustration regarding our inability to conceive a child. And I feel kind of guilty for saying that because I know that’s not the case with most of you. We didn't have the disappointment of trying month after month with no results. We knew we weren't going to get any from the beginning. To get a better perspective I’ve read a lot of blogs featuring infertility. Here’s one of my favorites: http://queandbrittany.blogspot.com/. Check it out.

Once we decided we were going to adopt, we didn’t have long to wait before Olivia joined our family (although it seemed like forever!). You can read a bit about that here. We didn’t have to deflect questions for years and years. We were, and are, lucky. I’m not bragging. We’ve had plenty of other trials to make up for not having that one.

Am I alone in my relatively easy acceptance of my infertility? Speak up, people! And if you think I'm totally crazy or seem unfeeling, I'd like to know. I really don't feel qualified to speak to the infertility issue outside of my personal and rather unusual experience, which is why I'm grateful for others sharing their experiences. I want to understand because it's so much a part of adoption. And I dig adoption.

Now that we have a child--who looks like us, even--people are less likely to wonder about our fertility status.

(Doesn't stop some people from saying stupid things, unfortunately.) I love to tell people that Olivia was adopted. I enjoy educating others about adoption and sharing our amazing story of an open adoption. Dispelling myths and helping people learn to use appropriate adoption language are on my agenda.

It's never been my turn to be pregnant, but it is my turn to be a mother.

Write it Down

2011-09-20T01:00:00.002-07:00

One thing I've always wished I was better at, is journaling. Everyone has a story to tell, and that story means the world to many. When expecting couples find out they are pregnant, they usually begin documenting their next nine months. What made them sick, what they craved, belly shots as they grow, and other little things along the way. I think we as parents in waiting should do the same. Our stories and time lines may be shorter or longer than the traditional nine months, but we too have a story to tell. Instead of telling about how our tummies got bigger and how often we were sick, we can tell about our emotions, the paperwork process, getting approved, case worker meetings, birth parent meetings and emails, even preparing our homes and hearts for a new addition. In the new world of open adoptions, children know where they came from. In working with several people in my local FSA, I have seen many adoption books created to tell the child's story and how fun would it be to pull snippets out of our personal journals to include? The powerful thing about journaling our stories and emotions is that our children will have no doubt they were loved long before they were ever placed in our arms. Depending on openness it can also be something that you and the birth family can do together. I keep a journal and although I've been really bad at it lately, I hope that when we have a birth family, we can collaborate and combine our stories into one. I would love for my child to have that keepsake to share with his children and his children with their children, etc... The beauty of keeping a journal is that it's also highly therapeutic and relaxing. It gives our minds rest so that we can be touched by the spirit and open to revelation or peace. It also allows us to realize what may be bogging us down or holding us back. In reading my journal, I've seen room for growth and ways that I can further advocate for ourselves.

So I challenge you to grab yourself a composition notebook, cover it in something fun, and write it down!

Hoping to Adopt Feature!!!

2011-09-18T19:35:00.004-07:00

PAUL AND ALLI

Paul and I met while we were both attending college. I was working as a legal secretary and Paul was working as a property manager. Our offices were next door to each other and every time he walked past, I stopped whatever I was doing to just watch him. I had a friend that worked in the same office he did and asked her to introduce us. After an awkward first meeting and a casual bbq with many of his friends, he finally asked me out. We were married 15 months later in October 2001. It’s hard to believe that was 10 years ago!!!

Paul served a mission in Buenos Aries, Argentina and upon returning home attended college where he graduated in 2004 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing. He currently works as a Property Manager/Business Developer for a growing property management company. He has an excellent sense of humor (which is one of the reason’s I married him) and he loves to have fun. He is always the center of attention and manages to keep people laughing. He enjoys golfing and playing basketball.

I graduated in 2001 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting. I currently own my own accounting services business. I love to read and spend time with friends and family. I enjoy being silly and having fun whenever I can. I’m a total klutz which leads to a lot of crazy stories and lots of laughing!

Paul and I enjoy doing many activities together including mountain biking, watching movies, playing board games with friends (Settlers of Catan is our favorite!), and spending time with our nieces and nephews.

Our journey to become parents began three years ago. After years of trying, a decision had to made: should we try IVF or should we adopt? So we began investigating IVF and adoption extensively. We were always left overwhelmed and confused whenever we talked to someone about IVF or read about it. But after talking to friends who had adopted and reading blogs about people who had adopted, we always felt peace and calmness. After much prayer, Paul and I decided in April 2011 to start the process of adoption. It has been the best decision for both of us. Our marriage has been strengthened through this process and we know the Lord is aware of us. We are grateful for this opportunity and are so excited to start our family through adoption!

To learn more about Paul and Alli, click here.

Adoption is Expensive!

2011-09-16T03:44:00.003-07:00

I don't know about you but adoption is expensive! The is so much involved in the costs of adopting...costs for placement...costs for pass through expenses...costs for traveling to meet a birthmother...costs to find and market yourselves so that a birth mother notices you or knows you want to adopt...costs to be there when a baby is born...hotel, food, car...you name it it is there...and even more if you are going through an agency outside of LDS Family...It costs alot! Since coming onto this journey I have heard so much about how much it costs to adopt and heard everything when it comes to people saving and scrimping and earning to be able to save money for their adoption. I have recently realized that I have had something all along that has been helping my family with these costs...especially in light of all the expenses that my husband and I incurred this summer when we flew across the country to stay and visit with who we thought was going to be our birth mother until our placement failed...yes more expense that could happen if your birth mother is out of state...have you thought and prepared for that?...I am not trying to be a pooper just be real about what is really here at our feet. Like I said I had found a way to help my family that is not having a garage sale (not that those aren't good but there is only so much in our garages) and isn't selling a product where you have to get people to buy stuff they can get at a store and then you end up having a closet full of stuff you can't get rid of...When I realized I had this resource I decided I had to share with those of you out there that are having to save for your adoption...that I couldn't not tell you...So let me ask you this...If I could show you a way to help would you be interested in hearing? If you are email me at ldsadoptionconnection@yahoo.com

Letting Our Birth Mom Live Her Life

2011-09-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

I know there are differing opinions on this topic, evenamongst my friends, so let me just preface this with, as always, these are my opinions.

I sincerely believe in letting our birth mom live her lifethe way she chooses, even though it is so very foreign from my own. It’s not my place to judge her or to tell herthat she needs to make some changes in her life. Do I wish she lived a healthierlifestyle? Sure. I wish Ilived a healthier lifestyle (but not enough to put down the chocolate doughnutand go running at 5:00 AM).

We invited Alyssa, Olivia’s birth mom, out last year forOlivia’s third birthday. When she called to tell me she was off theplane and had her bags, she said she was stepping out for a quick smoke andthen would be ready for us to pick her up. I’m not going to lie. At thatmoment, I had a teeny, tiny freak-out. Ididn’t know she was smoking again. Cigarette smoke is one of my migraine triggers, so I was worried. (Just to be clear, I was not worried that she’dsmoke in the house.) I decided to bemellow and see what happened.

What happened was we had an amazing visit. Having her stay with us was the best thing wecould have done—for all of us. ForOlivia, Alyssa isn’t just some pictures and a character in stories we tell her. She’s real. Olivia knows her, knows who she is, and loves her. And the smoking really didn’t get in theway. Alyssa was so respectful. She’d go outside, down the street, and aroundthe corner—in August—in Phoenix—so Olivia wouldn’t see what she was doing. And Brigham and I didn’t say a word.

Alyssa went to church with us when she was here. I think it was the first time she’d been toany church. She had bought a new outfitjust for church. She said she wanted tobe respectful and be sure all her tattoos were covered. I love her for that. Not just for covering her tattoos, but forwanting to be respectful of us, of our standards. Why in the world wouldn’t we show her thatsame respect?

I may not like some of the choices she makes—indeed, some ofthem pain me—but I respect that they are her choices to make. We would never tell her that she can’t be apart of Olivia’s life unless she stops smoking and drinking. And she would never dream of smoking ordrinking around Olivia.

It seems I’ve painted a rather dark picture of our birth momhere. That was certainly not myintention. I just wanted to highlightour mutual love and respect for each other. So, to offset the above, let me tell you what an amazing person sheis. Well, we all know she’s selfless forplacing her baby. And she chose us, soshe has good taste. She has anincredible work ethic. She works fulltime in a management position and goes to school full time, as well. She’s majoring in math. (I’m praying Olivia got those math genes fromher!) She’s intelligent, witty, and atrue friend. And we love her like crazy.

So while our lives are so very different, we are able to come together and enjoy each other. We're family.

Hooray For Elise and Josh!

2011-09-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

I know most of you don't know, but I heard this this week that Josh and Elise have adopted!!!! He was born on September 9th! We are so happy for you both and I know you will be the most Amazing Parents to your new little boy!!!

The "Good" List

2011-09-13T01:00:00.006-07:00

We've all heard about a bucket list, in fact, some of us may even have one. The Good List is a spin on this familiar idea. For those who like lists, this might be the thing for you.
At the education classes provided by our local FSA chapter last spring the final class was called "Finding Joy in Infertility and Adoption" (I talk about it briefly here). I was so skeptical of the thought that one could have joy but I went to the class eagerly seeking enlightenment. To do this day there is one thing that has never left my mind from this short two hour class. We were told of how one couple had coped and, wait for it, thrived! Their story is a personal one but I will share with you one of their tools to success. The "Good" list. Essentially, in order to cope, they would turn things into positive moments. An example would be while visiting a friend they watch her child throw up all over everything after having too much red kool-aid and although their hearts hurt for a child-the good, bad, and dirty,on the way home, this couple would find joy in remarking that they were glad they didn't have to clean that up and add it to their good list. One other tool they used was forgetting about the what-ifs and just living their lives. Running a marathon, taking vacations, starting projects, going back to school, etc...
To take this one step further, my husband and I combined the two. We set off to the store and bought a package of cork board tiles, cut a cute phrase out in vinyl and hung them in a visible area in our home. We then hung anything that made us happy, made us hopeful, allowed us to dream, or even simply made us smile. We planned vacations, we celebrated success by posting our graduation photos, my husband hung a candy bar wrapper from a treat given to him, and we collected memorabilia from dates around town. In taking time to appreciate the small things we grew to be grateful for a time in our lives where we were forced to let go of our lives and chart our new directions. It has also allowed us to be grateful for the many blessings that we do have. It has been an essential tool in moving forward every single day.
Whether it be by journaling positive moments, keeping a board like myself, creating a box to hold treasures, or whatever works for you, I would challenge you all to try something like this.
Does anyone have any other tricks of the trade, if so comment below.

Fake Baby

2011-09-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

This is how it all started:
Hello Mrs. Jennie

I apologize for being so late in replying to your email but I've been very busy and am going through a lot. My name is A_____ and I am 24-years old. I am very vibrant, ambitious and am currently in school to become a reproductive endocrinologist. I am African American and American Indian. I'm usually the "spotlight" child. If there is a spotlight, there is me! I do performing arts and dance. I was raised Presbyterian but was saved under the Pentecostal faith at 19.

Since I had really no choice but to tell my family exaxtly why I'm being so withdrawn from them including paternity of my baby. Even the twins (8 year old sisters) knew I didn't swallow a watermelon seed. My family has always been extremely close. There was nothing off limits to asking as long as you asked first. So when I left just out of the blue in January and went over sixteen hours away, my family didn't know what to think. I went from being Miss Teenage Morris College and leaving my second year of med school at MUSC (Charleston) to no contact with almost anyone in South Carolina- my best friend included. I did not know I was pregnant when I left. I left 3 days after the "incident" after spending 2 days in the hospital. The hospital does give the morning after pill birth control is against my religion so I didn't take it. I didn't think I would get pregnant.

My due date is September 25th and this little lady must thinks she is inside a bounce house. My last ultrasound was on July 8th and she weighed 2 pounds 7 ounces but she has never really stayed still long enough for the to get an accurate measurement. She turned her back on one ultrasound and rolled over. I had to actually stay the night in the hospital because she was literally grasping her umbilical cord and had a tight grip on it! So she had to be monitored and turned (which was no easy thrill for me) manually by my doctor. I feel like she doing zumba or something sometimes.

I'm having a hard time-honestly- because I want to give her the best the world has to give. Sure I can shower her with affection, care and love but not safety. I can keep her safely snuggled in her little bounce house now but I can't say that for her future. The last thing I ever want is for my step-father to fight me for custody and win because of his credientals that I can not even compare too but it looks better on paper and in a court. I want her to grow up in a safe and happy environment that she can flourish and grow in. I made her that promise and I plan to always keep it in love.

Feel free to call me anytime on my cell __________. I want her family to have a chance to know and see her before she's here so she'll never have a question you can't answer. I have all of her ultrasounds on a digital CD because I always get two and 3D images so detailed you can see her smile. I even have all 7 of the preganacy test I took over 3 days to make sure I did the one before right. I don't want her to ever think I gave her away or didn't want her because of her conception. She's my beautiful blessing that I was once told I'd never have and it hurts but she deserves the beautiful life I don't think I can promise.

Signed ADM____

When you receive a letter like that it is like you immediately are excited. We started to fall in love with the thought of a little girl coming to our family. It all turned out to be fake. So, beware, stay away from A.D.M. in Bishopville, SC. She was working with an agency that many of you may be working with and I have no idea whose profiles she may have looked at. We just want to get the word out and don't want anyone else to get hurt. Below is what we wrote the day after it all happened

A fake baby. Fake 4 months of getting fake pictures like the one above, being told you were the family for this fake child. Four months of dreaming of this fake little girl. Four months of bending over backward to help a fake birth mom through the fake hard times that were totally viable things a real true birth mother would go through. Four months of her meticulously telling us about the things the baby was doing and doctor appointments and how much they think the baby weighed. Stories about what the doctor told her and what she told the doctor. Stories, fake people, lies, all meticulously put in place. Three visits by the social worker to the fake birth mom. We were all played. For what? She never asked for money. She never asked for anything, but she did take our time. She did like the attention we gave her.

It all lead up to Thursday. Thursday she had a fake infection and was in the "hospital." She was so concerned for the health of the fake baby. I spent all this time reassuring her the baby was going to be okay. She tells us that the fake doctor told her that she was going to have to deliver the fake baby a month early. She is freaking out. She needs reassurance. I totally feel I need to go to her in the hospital. I ask Tyson to take the day off work and watch the kids so I can go help her through her fake hard times. She calls on Friday and says she is dilated to a 6. She is having the baby. We frantically pack. We pick up our 4-year-old son from preschool and tell him we are going to go meet his sister. He is so excited! We pack him and our 18-month-old son in the car. We get to the hospital. What? There is no one by the name at the hospital.

Oh, she says she is under an alias and not in the computer. What room are you in? 402 she tells us. Nope, 608, "they moved me."
They say there is no one in that room.
"What building? Where are you?" She runs us around the hospital. She describes specific areas of where to be. For 2 hours we wait for her to tell us how to get to her. She said she had the baby. We totally think she is just out of it. She just had a baby, right? She is on pain killers.
Tyson sees. Tyson knows it is fake. I can't believe it. I keep holding on to the fact that I know this girl. I have talked to her at least twice a week. She has told me in detail so much about this baby that makes perfect sense. I have to hear it from the horse's mouth. I still keep holding on that the circumstance is that we just can't get to where she is. She keeps talking about the baby. Keeps saying she is just so concerned about the fake baby. She keeps distracting me on the phone, talking about the baby. She creates a fake sister. The fake sister is supposed to meet us outside. We drive around some more. Can't find the sister. I talk to the fake sister on the phone. Gosh she sounds a lot like fake birth mom, but they are sisters, so maybe they just sound the same.
Oh, sister had to go back up to the room to check on the baby.
Ok. Boys are in the car and have been for 4 hours.
They need to eat.
Leave the hospital.
Tyson suggests I talk to a nurse. Perfect idea. Call birth mom, takes her a while to get the fake nurse on the phone. The fake nurse totally sounds like fake sister. I ask if it is the fake sister. Fake sister says no. I ask her to give me the phone number to the nurse's station and I will call her back. She gives me a number. I call the number. It is an OB/GYN doctor's office. Uh, Tyson sees, but I think maybe the "nurse" accidentally gave me the number to the office she works at rather than the nurses' station. I keep having hope. Call social worker. Social worker admits that perhaps she overlooked a few things. She met with this birth mom 3 times, but it could have all been lies. Was the name of the birth mom on the ultrasound pictures? We didn't know. Do we have actual proof of pregnancy? Perhaps not. Perhaps this is a scam.
Fake birth mom talks to social worker, says she is scared we are backing out because we feel like she is lying to us. She wants us to adopt her baby so bad. Finally get on the phone with fake birth mom again. Give her an ultimatum. I need to talk to a nurse right now or her sister needs to come down to the lobby right now. Right now. "I can't reach the nurses button", she says. Oh, "my mom is here," she says. "Perfect, please let me talk to her," I say.
Different voice this time. Totally different. I plead with her to help us. From what birth mom told us, she wasn't on board so perhaps she would not tell us where birth mom is. "Please meet us down in the lobby. "

"Where did she tell you she was at?" Mom asks.

"At the hospital with the baby," I say

Mom replies, "She is at home. What has she been telling you? What is going on?"

Me, "She said she went in to have the baby."

Mom, "No, she is not having a baby."

Me, "Is she even pregnant?"

Mom, "No. She is a very sick girl. She has serious mental problems. She made this all up."

Wow. Such detailed stories of a baby, such real stories of what the baby was doing and how it felt inside. Such detailed situations of what she was going through. Seriously, she had to research this like crazy. There has to be a book or something online she is getting this from. Amazing. Can’t believe this happened to us. She knew so much of what a birth mom would go through. She knew how to keep us talking to her. She knew about drugs doctors would have her on, she knew about premature labor and the things they do. She spoke to me in detail about the plans in the hospital. We were her project, something fun she did for 4 months. I hope her mother has taken away her computer and her phone and gotten her some help.

Despite this crazy situation and this crazy day, we are not in a deep dark hole. We are over adoption, but we know people are generally good. We wish we could go give all the people a hug that helped us yesterday. I had random hugs from strangers who saw what was happening. They cried with us, had concern and care for what we were going through. For this one sick person there was 10-15 amazing people who bent over backward to help us and show us compassion and love.

In the past year we have had three girls who have chosen us to be the family for their baby. Three times we have dreamed of a little girl who is coming into our family. Twice minds were either never really made up or minds were changed. Situations changed and the birth parents decided to parent. It hurt. We fell in love with them. This one, we were totally played. Totally.

One of the things that is so frustrating with having gone through these three experiences (especially with them so close together) is that we've been embarrassed by having announced our family growing by one more with the most pure and naïve faith that it was going to occur. We've announced to employers, friends and family that we are going to or actually do take off time from work to have this addition come in to our home in mere hours, days or weeks just to find out that we were mere pawns by mal-intended and sick people.
It is such an emotional thing when someone tells you that they feel that you are the perfect family to raise their child. You feel such a responsibility to not do something to upset them for fear that your spouse and children are denied the blessing of the child coming in to your home. You simply do all you can to not ask questions or give impressions to the birth parent that you don't trust them or that you're crazy. You fear being the reason that they're unwilling to place in your family. I think it makes you unwilling to ask the hard questions that need to be asked. Just imagine trying to live with that. You, your family and close friends all conjure up hopes and dreams for this huge blessing to come in to your lives and for the opportunity to rear, raise and love this child. You fear that YOU might be the reason that all that might be lost. The chance at that great blessing is lost due to you. YOUR actions ruined it for you and your family by simply pressing too hard or appearing untrusting or crazy. It is unnerving to even think about and creates an enormous amount of pressure. It is something you would live with your whole life. I can certainly say that we have tried our best to guard against it but simply have been out-foxed each time. Maybe we only saw what we wanted too.
We are done with adoption. We love adoption because we have two beautiful boys who came to us through strong and wonderful birth families, but we are done opening our hearts to it again, just to let them be crushed. We have been blessed with two tremendous little boys that we love. We are no longer willing to put them or ourselves through this again. We are no longer going to waste time trying to build our family but rather invest in the family that we've been blessed to have.
Love,
The Smiths

A couple of weeks has passed since we went through this. It still seems like a dream that this even happened to us. I think it is so important in this open adoption world that everyone is informed about what to look out for and what to watch for. Stay involved in your adoption. Check up on what the social worker is supposed to do and what is or isn't being done. We definitely thought we were fine and didn't think much of a scammer because it was through an agency. I so hope she has not contacted any of you.

We are excited and content about being a family of four. We are so thankful for the Lord's hand in our life. We have definitely grown closer as a family through all three failed adoptions and perhaps that is what it was all about. We love and appreciate our son's birth families for the wonderful opportunity we have to raise our beautiful boys.

But My Background isn’t in Marketing

2011-09-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

My husbandand I are private people. We keep toourselves—more than we probably should—because we like ourselves and eachother. I’m pretty shy and I guess we’reboth slightly anti-social. So, ourapproach to a second adoption puts us right out of our joint comfort zone. This time, in addition to our profile onIt’s About Love, we have a profile on Parent Profiles (should be active beginningof next week), and are using our family blog to advertise our desire to adoptagain.

It has beendifficult for us to have all of our information—so much of it incrediblypersonal—on the Web for the whole world to see. (It’s kind of like standing in the middle of the street, naked, andwondering who is looking at me through their blinds.) But we know that we need to get ourselves outthere. It’s a strange dichotomy ofwanting people to see it and not wanting people to see it. We just want the right people to see it. I’m uncomfortable with the idea of trying tosell ourselves. To show what amazingpeople we are, what fabulous parents. And the thought that we’re in “competition” with so many other amazing,fabulous couples doesn’t set well with me, either. It feels wrong to be brainstorming to findways to make us appear as appealing as we think we are. (Please note that we are not misrepresentingourselves in any way, just wanting to use the best pictures, the best stories.) Maybe more appealing than other people. Isanyone with me here? Do you feel like youcome across as saying, “Hey, look at us! We’re better than those other people.”? Do you feel weird about it? (Disclaimer: I don’t feel like we’re better than other couples hoping to adopt,and I want everyone to get a baby.)

Marketingmyself just isn’t in my nature, but I know that we have to be proactive insearching for our child. We need to makeit easy for the right people to find us. I can’t wait to get our Pass Along Cards. It seems like such a more personal way to getthe word out.

SOMEBODYplease comment. Tell me what you aredoing to market yourself. Tell me howyou feel. Tell me I’m crazy, if youthink I am. Tell me you know exactly howI feel (if you do) so we can validate each other! If you prefer, send me an email atsdavisfordhamATgmailDOTcom. Thank you!

(AndBritnee, I didn’t mean to copy your idea. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, and it seemedto follow your post well.)

Using the Internet

2011-09-06T02:00:00.001-07:00

Because we don't know from where a person will be directed to our profiles or if our blogs are even being seen, it makes sense to get our names and data out there in as many locations as possible.
Thanks to my local FSA chapter, we were introduced to Hoping to Adopt, a free online profile resource. This is only one of many sites that will host a profile for those seeking adoption, but as it is free, it seems to be very popular.
Hoping to get our names and pictures out there, I sat down one night and built a profile. It is very easy to use and colorful. You can personalize your site to your tastes (much like a blog) and use information off of one of your existing profiles or make another one entirely. The downside is that it also has a place to check your profile stats and if you're anything like me you make a habit of doing so obsessively. I also feel some of the information is much more lax as in you can see occupations and locations without even logging in, so if you feel fears over internet security this site might not be for you, although keep in mind you can keep some of the questions blank. Play around with it, build a profile and see if you like it first. It doesn't hit the net until you hit publish so feel free to experiment.
If you'd like to get an idea of what it looks like and whether it's right for you and your family you can see our profile here.
Anyone on this site? Opinions or thoughts?

Getting From Here to There

2011-09-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, after a day of running errands and waiting in numerous lines, my three-year-old daughter said to me, “Waiting hurts my feelings.” Out of the mouth of babes! Isn’t that the truth, especially in the adoption waiting game?

There are so many things that can hurt our feelings while we’re waiting—if we let them. An empty nursery, seeing babies everywhere, hearing women complain about being pregnant, being invited to six baby showers in one month, knowing that we are not in control, being asked yet again by well-meaning (and sometimes just plain nosy) people if we’ve “heard anything yet.” Sound familiar?

When my husband and I got engaged many people had advice for us. Something stupid I heard a lot (because people were focusing on the fact that Brigham is quadriplegic) was, “Just think about the eternities, when everything will be wonderful.” It was well meant, but is kind of like saying, “Everything will be better when you’re dead.” Great. But we have to get from here to dead first. Sure, it’s nice to have that to look forward to (not being dead, but having perfected bodies), but it’s important to remember that we have to get from here to there. We have to live.

So in the same sense that I’m not going to sit around and wait until we die for things to get “better,” I’m not going to sit around and just wait until we get a baby. And I’m not going to let waiting hurt my feelings. (Well, in all honesty, I probably will sometimes.)

What can we do to insure that the waiting doesn’t hurt our feelings? This is not a rhetorical question—I’d like some ideas. Having done it once doesn’t make me an expert.

Here are a few ideas I’ve come up with. I’m going to start preparing for a baby now. And I’m not just doing this because we only had four hours’ notice we were getting a baby last time and had nothing ready. I want a place prepared for our baby in our home, in our minds, and in our hearts. (Deanna, Elise, and Britnee have all said the same thing in their blog posts, so it must be a good idea!) I’m going to make wide use of pass along cards. And when people ask me what the latest is, I’m going to ask them what they have done with the stack of pass along cards I gave them! I’m talking about adoption, and specifically about our desire to adopt again, to everyone, even strangers. And for a shy girl like me, that’s quite a stretch. I like to think I’m educating those around me. I’m making adoption a part of their lives, too. And I definitely don’t feel as isolated this time.

It’s a good idea to keep in mind that even after you bring your baby home there’s more waiting to be done. There are all kinds of waiting, and we just can’t avoid them. We waited six months for relinquishment papers to be signed, eight months to finalize. Every situation, every cycle of waiting is unique. And it doesn't have to hurt our feelings.

What are you going to do on your way from here to there? (I really want to know.)

Feeling

2011-08-30T01:00:00.001-07:00

Hello! My name is Brittnee and I’m so excited to write for you every Tuesday. My husband and I have been married for over 6 years and have been hoping to adopt for a little over a year. We have a dog named Boomer, just purchased our first home, and are still working towards our college degrees! If you want to know more about our crazy life you can check us out here, but don’t mind the mess.

Having only been in the adoption world for a little while now, I’m quite a novice. Because of this, I’m hoping that as I share and educate others, I might learn and grow myself. Bear with me.

Today, I’m going to talk about what I’ve learned on my journey. Because this has been personal to my experience, it might not work for everyone but it’s something worth sharing, all the same.

I've learned, and am continuing to learn, it is ok to feel.

No matter what grief or upset comes in one’s life, we feel like we have to trap it in a box just to survive. We feel alone and we feel ashamed for hurting. We justify that no one can understand how we are feeling and we become afraid to talk about it. We forget that hurting is human, feeling is human, and we are human. That’s not to say that is easy to allow ourselves to hurt, but it can pay off in the end, if we can only empower ourselves. We were chosen to adopt. There is something in you that makes you strong enough to face the ups and downs and Heavenly Father knows that.

In order to benefit by our trials, we should treat our pain and suffering more like muscles, the more we break them down the stronger and better they become. We can grow from our trials if we allow them to transform us through the hurt and sorrow. Remembering that without hurt and sorrow there is no joy can help on the darkest days.

Because much of our experience is searching and waiting, completely relying on the Lord’s timeline, we forget to enjoy the experience. Adoption is a beautiful, miraculous thing and we should LOVE it! I actually once wished everyone could experience the wonderful thing that is adoption, but I’ve come to appreciate that it is a unique experience given to those of us who have suffered. It is a blessing, it is a reward for our perseverance through infertility, and it is our right to feel excited and unsure just as any new parents might.

Even though it may hurt, even though a placement may not happen like planned, it’s okay to prepare. It’s okay to feel the joy and excitement. Plan a baby’s room. Paint those walls; paint colors can always be changed. Buy that onesie you absolutely adore and have been eyeing for months. Pick out names and then pick out some more. Live your lives as if that child is only a moment away. It won’t be easy every day. Walking by an empty room might stir up emotions, but seeing those beautiful colors and little furniture might also spark hope in your hearts. Pray for your baby and your birth families. Pray for peace. Most of all, feel the emotions. Embrace them in your heart and take a chance to grow and love your situation. Do what feels comfortable for you but if I can get you to do one thing, I’d plead with you to talk about it. Make friends. Find support. Teach people about the adoption process. Be involved.

Just as every pregnancy and every child is different, every adoption is different. We all will face our own trials, pain, joy, etc…, but we can band together as an adoption community, gain strength from one another, and share in the beauty and miracle that is adoption.

I look forward to writing for you every Tuesday! If you'd like to hear about certain topics, have questions, or would just like to make another friend in the adoption world you can email me at shaneandbrittnee@gmail.com or just comment below.

2011-08-29T07:07:00.005-07:00

Hoping to Adopt Feature

Brett, Candace, & Sawyer

Our story begins 7 years ago. Brett and I met in an unusual way when we lived on total opposite sides of the world. I was at church one Sunday and I asked my friend if I could borrow a pen. She tossed me her purse and I started digging. I found the pen and I also stumbled upon a small photo album. I did my business with her pen and held on to the photo album. As we sat there, I started looking at the pictures and one picture completely jumped out at me. There was a

picture there that looks so familiar to me but I had no idea who this person was. I took the picture out of the plastic, studied it, and immediately told my friend that THIS was the man I was supposed to marry.

(This was the actual picture)

I knew nothing about him but I felt like my soul recognized exactly who he was. It was the strangest feeling in theworld....yet an awesome one! When I shared with my friend my intentions to marry this cute guy, she told me it would be pretty hard considering he was on a MISSION! What... cute and LDS?? That combo didn't exist where I came from.He wasn't just on any mission either... he was on the London, England mission and that was the same mission my father had served 20+years earlier.

That night, my friend called me with this missionary's address. She felt like I needed to send him a post card or something. By the time I had come home from church, I had already accepted my limitations and put the thought of this mystery man and I out of my mind. I wasn't about to disrupt a man on a mission. Plus I thought it would be awkward if just out of the blue I sent a stranger some mail. My friend kept calling me and bugging me to do it so I decided, what the heck, and sent him some mail. Missionaries love mail right?

Long story short, he loved the random mail from the random girl in Texas. I didn't send him any pictures for a while. We became pen pals and wrote back and forth. After about 6 months of mail, I finally sent him a picture and I was no longer just words on a paper. I had a face. We continued writing back and forth for 9 more months and then he came home. We met at the Dallas airport for the first time. 13 months later.... we were married in the Dallas Texas Temple : )

We both knew we wanted kids early on. After about a year, we really started trying to start our family. After one year goes by, then two, then three, we started getting worried. Everyone around us was popping out babies left and right and we had no answers. We both got checked by several doctors. I had every procedure done in the book including a surgery to get a better

look at what was going on inside my body. No doctor, fertility specialist, acupuncturist, etc, could give us a diagnosis. We tried diets, teas, and more praying then ever! Still nothing. After 6 years of heart break and no success, we decided to try more invasive routes. We saved up enough money to do In-Vitro fertilization. We had an appointment set and at the last minute I just felt completely wrong about it so we backed out. We rescheduled for the following month and when that day came.... once again.... I had the feeling that this was wrong again. I didn't get it.

I was so frustrated with myself. I knew that this was a very righteous desire so why was the Lord "denying" me of my want? (At least that is how I felt.) We had wanted this for so long and now that it was time, I just couldn't do it. My family and the few friends that knew were all telling me that I just had cold feet and that we just needed to go ahead and do it. I couldn't make any sense of it, however, I knew this was not the right plan. As I set there confused and a mess, I just asked myself, what was most important to me. Being pregnant or being a Mother. The answer was simple, I just wanted to be a Mother and Brett a Father.

Adoption was something that I knew was out there but I didn't really know anything about it and it kind of intimidated me. I had heard "stories" but they weren't the most positive ones. After we canceled our IVF for the 2nd time, adoption would not leave my mind. I started

googling agencies to get more info and LDSFS popped up. I requested to be contacted for further info and the next day I got a phone call. Within minutes of talking to LDSFS a girl from work called. I told her about how our plans had changed and we were now going to try the road less traveled..... adoption. She was excited for us and went and told another co-worker of ours our news. When she told this co-worker, this co-worker shared with her that her daughter was pregnant and working with another adoption agency... still in the search for a family for her baby. It was fate.

A week goes by and and then I got a call from my co-worker about her daughter. We talk for a long time. This was all so new to both of us. Her daughter and I became friends on facebook

and we emailed back and forth almost every day. A month later we met with her daughter and her boyfriend in person. Awesome Day!!! There was instant chemistry and love from both sides. By the end of our double date that night, they asked us if WE would be their child's parents.

(Candace, Lauren, Jason, & Brett)

About 4 months later, Sawyer Jonus Frandsen was born : )

Adoption is the best thing that has ever happened to us. We have a very open adoption with our sons birth parents and I wouldn't want it any other way with them. They are family to us.

It's been almost 2 years since our son was placed with us and every day has been the best day of our lives. After lots of thought and prayer, we feel very strongly that it is time to help our family grow again. Sawyer filled a huge hole in our hearts but now that our hearts have grown so much, there is more room needed to be filled. We fill that way is through adoption. Our profile is finished and Sawyer is very excited to be a big brother.

We love life. We love everything life has to offer. We are dedicated animal lovers and enjoy trying amazing foods! We love to travel and travel often. We've learned that sometimes getting lost can help you find yourself. We know life is short so we live our dream and share our passion. We document lots of our adventures on our youtube channel and our blog. We hope you check them out. We still have a great relationship with both sides of Sawyer's birth families and we communicate often. We are so grateful for them every day for taking the road less traveled with us. It has made all the difference : )

Here is our profile on itsaboutlove.org and our email address is ouradoptionoption1@gmail.com if you would like to contact us directly. Feel free to ask us anything you like!

Lots of Love, The Frandsens

brettandcandace.blogspot.com

www.youtube.com/ouradoptionoption

How FSA is Saving My Sanity

2011-08-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Sally, and I’ll be taking the Thursday spot. My husband, Brigham, and I adopted our daughter, Olivia, four years ago. You can read about that here. We’ve just been approved to adopt again and are anxiously working toward finding our next miracle.

I recently became involved in my local FSA chapter. My advice to hopeful adoptive couples is to be an active part of FSA. If there’s a chapter near you, join. If there isn’t, start one. I wish we had known the first time around what FSA was all about. We didn’t receive any information or encouragement from our case worker. In all fairness, both adoption workers in that office were new to the area and to adoptions. And we didn’t wait all that long for Olivia to join our family. So we got our baby and moved on.

When we started the adoption process, we didn’t have any idea what to expect. And we had no idea how blessed we were to have things turn out like they did. It would have been nice to associate with others who were in the same position and still others who were better educated and had experienced an adoption.

The FSA chapter here has an adoptive moms’ group. We (I can say “we” because I’ve been twice now) get together once a month for dinner and adoption talk. I would have poked my eyes out for that last time around. (Okay, so maybe that’s a bit dramatic. And it wouldn’t have served any purpose, anyway.) Sure, our families and friends were 100% supportive, but it just isn’t the same as having a support network of others who have been there, who are there. It’s like free therapy! I’ve already learned so much from the other women in the group. As a result of our conversations, I’ve done more research (not about baby gear this time) and feel much more comfortable educating those around me about adoption as I am educating myself. We are definitely going to be more proactive this time around!

So there’s my plug for FSA, and they didn’t even bribe me to do it.

If there are topics you’d like to have addressed, please leave a comment.

And if you’d like to know more about my family, check out our blog: http://www.brighamoliviasally.blogspot.com/

Looking for two inspired Ladies!

2011-08-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody...I am looking for 2 adoption inspired Ladies to help me with my blog...I have been a little busier and am wanting to make sure that all of you have amazing things to read on here...What I am looking for is for each Lady to be responsible for posting once a week on Tuesday or Thursday every week. Please let me know if you are interested...you can leave a note in the comment section or just email me direct so that we can chat more...

Hope to adopt features!

2011-08-15T16:42:00.001-07:00

Matt and Crystal

We met in High School...at band camp. The singing angels must of had the day off because they did not show up, so we decided to be friends instead. A couple of years later we went on our first date, now the where and when this first date occurred depends on who you talk to, both versions are on our blog if you want to take sides.

When we got married, twelve years ago, we knew that our family would be built through adoption. The when to get started down that road was the question that was always answered " not yet". While we waited we went to school at Southern Utah University. Matt studied Biology and Crystal studied Music Performance. A Few months before Matt graduated he was offered an internship with the government just outside of Washington D.C.

After graduation we packed up the essentials in our car, made a comfortable place for our fiddler crab, Loly, to hang out and embarked on what was to be a four month adventure. Matt went into the internship wanting his boss to wonder how they would get things done when he was gone. Two months into the internship his boss started asking what it would take to keep him on full time when the internship was over, so we made a permanent move to Virginia.

About two years later the answer to our constant prayer of when to get started on our family changed to " it's time". Within a week we got a phone call from Matt's Mom about her niece who was pregnant with a little girl. This little girl needed a Mom and Dad, and her niece was wondering if we would like to be them. Five weeks later we were driving to the hospital to pick up our daughter Samantha.

Having both grown up close to our cousins we wanted the same for our kids. Both of our families were living in Utah and our parents wanted to be able to visit without taking potty breaks, so when Sam was a few months old we moved back home.

Six and a half years later we enjoy a very open adoption with Sammy's birth family. They live a couple of states away so we don't get to see them as often as we would like, so in between the visits we keep in touch with pictures, letters and lots of phone calls.

We feel that birth families are another branch in our family tree and look forward to adding those branches. If you would like to learn more about us you can visit us at http://www.itsaboutlove.org/ , search Matt and Crystal, follow our adventures at http://www.mattandcrystalsadoptionjournal.blogspot.com/ , or contact us at mattandcrystal@rocketmail.com.

FSA National Conference

2011-08-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

August 11-12th

Hey, are there any of you that are going to this? I wish I could but it was not in the cards for me since school for my daughter is always starting when things like this are happening in Utah :( If some of you are going can you let me know in the comments...I wanted to have some posts about the conference and your experiences there...please comment if you are willing to help and your email and I will get in touch with you!

Hoping to Adopt Features!

2011-08-08T10:27:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone...I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! For today's Hoping to Adopt Feature we are going to feature our list! There are so many of you that are so amazing and if you haven't looked at other's blogs you are missing out for sure! And even bigger if you aren't on this list you need to be! Just post your blog and names in the comments of this post and I will add you for sure!

Thankful for mother's who donate what an adoptive mama usually can't give...

2011-08-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

So today, I met up with a woman named Jen who I had found this summer. She was willing to donate breastmilk to our baby...In our process I have decided I would like our baby to have breastmilk and had begun the search for women who are so amazing to donate/share what is so precious for their babies to others who can't (usually) produce it for theirs.

I have been amazed at how many women have had such compassion for us and our adoption process. I still met with Jen (even though our placement has recently failed - FYI it will keep for a year in the deep freeze) because, you see, now she is moving out of state and I said I could pass it along to a dear friend of mine whose baby is about to be born and Jen didn't want it to go to waste in their move...She was so amazing to say the least. I felt like I knew her and she did with me due to our blog. She recognized me right away go figure...

I will say what she had to give me is the liquid GOLD of the breastmilk community...colostrum. She had recently had her third child and was hoping to be able to nurse her and began to pump and did for the first week or so of her baby's life but unfortunately her daughter has some restrictions in her diet and would never be able to nurse due to this but they didn't know right away thus she pumped. I was soooo thankful that she was willing to give this to me and she has graciously held it during the summer for me since I have been in KC.

I am still so amazed at how connected people feel to me when they read our blog...even when I am getting something off craigslist! I have my blog address in my email signature even on my phone (of course I omit it at first when I first ask someone about something on craigslist but once I feel ok I let it stay in my responses to them). So many people have read it this way and they always have compassion and want to help. I am so thankful for all these wonderful people I have met (due to breastmilk inquiry, an adoption topic, or something even like craigslist) who otherwise I would have never known in a million years!

p.s. if you are interested in finding breastmilk donors for your baby there are links on the lower left column to help you

Finding our Family: Adoption

2011-08-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

I just read this on Jake and Terri's blog and it is so good I have to refer all of you to read it too...(Terri, I hope you are ok with me sending everyone to it...I am sure you are!)

Finding our Family: Adoption: "You hear talk about adoption in the news. There are famous people who have adopted-Mariska Hargitay, Sandra Bullock, Denise Richards, and ma..."

Good Things to Come

2011-08-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

I know many of you may have seen this video but last night when I saw it again (my mother-in-law posted it on FB) It made me think of our road that we are on with adoption...right now I feel like Elder Holland did with his drive and his car breaking down...Our adoption gets going, we get chosen, we think that placement is about to come and then it all comes to a grinding halt...I know it is part of Heavenly Father's master plan and that allows me to be able to start from the beginning once more and be ok with that...

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

2011-08-01T04:39:00.001-07:00

Shane and Brittnee

Shane and I met in a fast food restaurant he was working at and settled the arrangements for our first date before we even bothered to ask each other’s names. We had an instant connection and were married on July 1, 2005 in the Columbia River Temple just four short months after meeting.

After marrying, we had the plan to finish college and wait at least two years before starting a family. After taking a course at BYU-Idaho though, we both agreed there was no reason to wait and we wanted to start our family right away. Months into our marriage our journey to bringing children into our family began. Naturally, as most of us do, we assumed it would be months before we became pregnant and we figured in a few short years we would have one or two little ones running around.

After about a year of trying we realized something was off. It was impossible to prepare for the possibility of not having children and as each month began and ended in frustration we became a little desperate and started convincing ourselves that this time it would happen. We continued with this line of thinking for the next year. Finally after two years, we knew something was definitely wrong. We fought our grief and our grief hardened our hearts, blocking us from making any decisions. We were not ready to accept defeat and so we pushed on, bitterly, for one more year, doing more damage to our spirits then we realized at the time.

Finally we understood that we needed to see a doctor. Little knowledge came from our visits and we felt hopeless. We didn’t understand how we could pay a doctor so much money and not have an answer as to why we couldn’t bear children. We went back and forth between decisions and were literally missing each other by weeks in our decision making. Shane would be on board to try something and I wouldn’t and then I would be on board to try something and Shane wouldn’t. We wrestled between adoption, further testing, giving up, and traveling aboard to run away from our pain. We even tried to start adoption processing twice before backing out because something was off. We learned that the timing for us just wasn’t right.

On March 16^th2010, our stars finally aligned and we both were reading from the same page. We were ready and adoption was absolutely right for our family. Like a clap of thunder, we were sitting in Sacrament meeting and peace washed over me as I knew our family was waiting for us, but that it would be through a different means than we expected. I turned to Shane, with tears in my eyes, and told him it was time to adopt. It took him a few days to have the strength in conviction as I had, but we contacted LDS Family Services right away and they were having their first orientation meeting in a few short weeks so we hit the ground running. Within nine weeks we were approved and online waiting on May 18, 2010. Everything came together and just clicked.

We look forward to starting our family through such an amazing way. We look forward to bonding with and loving our birth family. We understand our road has been a long one, but we pray for our birth mom and our baby each and every night as we wait for the next set of stars to align. In our six year struggle, we’ve learned some things are worth waiting for.

If you’d like to know more about us you can visit us at itsaboulove.org, profile ID 24679131, or follow the link

You can also follow us on our blog at www.shaneandbrittneefamily.blogspot.com

Did you Hear!!!

2011-07-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

Drew and Kristine Adopted!!! Just this past week! SO exciting for you two! Make sure to read all about it by clicking here for their blog! So Awesome!

blog links...

2011-07-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone...so it seems as if I will never know where my blog link list that had so many of you went so if you would like me to re-add you to my new one can you please comment on this post and I will add it...this is what I need:

1. name of you and your hubby
2. your full blog address

Again, I am so sorry it has not been there and I have tried to have blogger fix it but it has been to no avail so I will just have to do the next best thing and that is to redo it...

Thanks for all your help!

The raw emothions of Placement - an Adoptive Mom's perspective

2011-07-28T03:08:00.001-07:00

Sarah emailed me recently to share her story and I just love it so much...I know you may think it is a little lengthy but it is sooooo good! You will love her story as much as I do...Thank you so much Sarah for sharing this with all of my readers and me! And on a personal note...thank you Sarah for your wonderful words of encouragement...it has helped me so much... -Deanna

My name is Sarah and my husband is Alex. Our adoption and placement story with Evan was very unique and came at just the right time in our lives. We had been on the adoption journey for 2 and 1/2 years before he came to us. It was a long wait but worth it. I still haven't written down our whole adoption story on our blog because I was under so much stress and disorder after placement that to process it would bring back some of those painful memories. Sometimes I wonder how I lived through those weeks following being placed with Evan. Reading the stories on here made me realize I need to tell our story and our situation.

My husband and I had been approved to adopt since fall 2008. For one full year we had no hits, no questions, and no interest. In fall 2009 we were finally contacted and a few weeks later we got the "call" that we would be parents. We had 4 months to go. At this time we felt strongly for the birthparents and truly loved them. S and J are wonderful people that we talked to and met several times. A few weeks before the birth we were told that they were reconsidering. It was a blindsided moment for us. We felt for them and knew that the decision had to be completely theirs. One day later, we were told they were parenting. We felt sorry and heartbroken for us but they are still together today and have a wonderful child. They are great parents and made the right decision. A month later we were chosen again and almost the same thing happened. We met, loved the birthmom, supported her, and then a week before birth she chose to parent. She too is doing well and is a great mother.

As you can tell we were so heartbroken and didn't know if we could go on or needed to take a break. When we went to the temple and prayed we were told to keep our profile up. We didn't have any other guidance. We just knew to trust it. Later on we found out that this is when Evan's birthmom found out she was pregnant. We hit our 2 year mark of "waiting" that fall in 2010 and it was extremely depressing. We had friends that started the adoption process with us now approved for a second placement. We wondered what seemed wrong with us. At this time we thought maybe we should try IVF again. Maybe this is a sign that adoption isn't meant for us. We prayed together again and we're told that adoption is where we need to be. This still was discouraging because we had no interest from anyone and felt burnt out from promoting ourselves.

A week before Thanksgiving we received an email from a potential birthmom, Amanda. It was short and sweet and asked a few questions. We sent one back and felt good about it but no more. We were preparing for the holiday and gearing ourselves up to make it through another childless Thanksgiving and Christmas. A day before Thanksgiving I saw that our caseworker was calling. I wasn't even excited because he called every month to see how we were doing, he is such a sweetie that way. I almost didn't answer it. Once I picked up the phone the first words out of his mouth were, "I have good news, you have been chosen." I feel guilty that I didn't have a "spiritual" moment telling me this was going to happen like other adoptive parents do. He told me the details, when she was due, and that she would contact us later. I called Alex and a few close friends and family, but kept low with the news. We had been un-chosen twice and it is hard to have hope that it would actually happen. Especially because we hadn't met her or knew anything except due date and it was a boy.

It took a whole week before Amanda contacted us again. At this point we were going crazy because we wanted to meet her and find out more. She told us that she didn't know how open she wanted the adoption to be. She also told us that she wanted to meet once to make sure. Between this time and when we met I lived in shock. I think this helped me to cope if it wasn't going to work out. I really hid my emotions from family and didn't talk about the baby. We had been waiting for this for so long that I was protecting myself.

On December 14 we met Amanda. When we met I immediately recognized her. She looked like she could have been Alex's sister! She had a familiar face and spirit. It was a wonderful experience. We went to her house and met some of her family. Everything was very comfortable and as we left Alex and I knew beyond a doubt that she was carrying our son. We also talked her into a more open adoption because we didn't want to lose contact with her ever. We loved her on first sight. Something we didn't experience with the last potential birthmoms who came into contact with us.

She wasn't due until the end of January but told us he might come a little early. On January 1st she called to say her water broke. I didn't know much about pregnancy, but thought this meant you were in labor. She said they are trying to stall labor for one week. At this time we thought we had one week. That night I went crazy and started cleaning everything and taking things out of closets. It resulted in a huge mess. I had one week to clean and prepare in my head that I started that night! A word of advice, DON'T every do that! She went into labor the next morning and Evan was born that afternoon. Her original birthplan was for us to come at 48 hours after when placement would happen. We thought this a great plan and respected her wishes. When she called that morning and told us she was getting an epidural she told us, "Get here ASAP! I changed my mind and want you here after he is born to hold him." At this time she asked us what name we had chosen. We said Evan. She was silent for awhile and it was later that she told us the Spirit was so strong at that point to her. That was the name she had secretly called him. It was the name she had chosen just for him from her. It was another confirmation that God was at work in putting us together.

We hurried and packed and left for the hospital which was about 4 hours away. We stopped at Target to get a few things to pack in a diaper bag. When we got there we went to see her and the baby. No one can adequately describe the love we had for her at the moment. We loved her. We loved that little boy and we're so happy to see him. He was hooked up to an IV because of low blood sugar but otherwise was doing great. We stayed an hour and then left to stay at her parent's house for the night.

This is where the story turns. The next day was Amanda's day with him. We planned on going to IKEA and hanging out with extended family. We weren't nervous, just happy that they both were OK and healthy. When we were at the store we received a call from Amanda's mom. She said that the doctors wanted to check out Evan for malnutrition because he was refusing to eat and threw up green bile. They did an x-ray and we waited for results. I can't tell you how terrified we were at this point. When we got to our extended family's house I went to the bathroom to cry and pray. I was reassured he would be fine and healthy. A peace came over me at this time. I'm so thankful for that because the next 30 minutes were the scariest of my life and I had to keep remembering that peace. Amanda's mom called again and said he was being lifeflighted to Primary Children's Hospital. They didn't know what was wrong, but it was beyond the scope of the doctor and he needed to see a specialist.

We weren't the official parent's of Evan yet. We couldn't make medical decisions for him or get updates straight from the doctor. Amanda's mom and her kept us updated and always told what was going on. We were so grateful for this. It was passed 11:00 that night when we got to Primary Children's. We went in to see him. He looked so little and scary hooked up to the IVs. It is such a helpless feeling to see your child in this situation. At this time we couldn't even call him "our" child either.

The next day was placement day. The strength that Amanda showed placing a child that was in the NICU will always amaze me. We didn't know what was wrong or if things would get worse. The specialists were still looking for what was wrong. This amazing woman came into the NICU to say goodbye. She did this in a room full of other sick babies and nurses. A curtain was the only privacy she had. She was only allowed to bring one person in at a time, so not all of her family could be there to support her and say goodbye together. We signed the papers in the hallway of Primary Children's NICU. This wasn't what we planned. This wasn't a hand over ceremony that was envisioned. It was heartbreaking and inadequate to what she meant to us. After signing, when we met together tears were everywhere. Nurses in the hallway were crying. Strangers started crying because they thought we just had "bad" news. Amanda's face spoke volumes to me. Her love for her little boy was written on it and I will never forget the love in her eyes or the extreme heartbreak. I struggled to speak. When I hugged Amanda's mom I remember telling her, "To take care of Amanda, we love her so much and she is so special."
That night we were at Ronald McDonald house and hoping we could leave soon. Our little boy still wouldn't eat and had bad jaundice. For two days we couldn't hold him for very long because he needed to be under lights. We texted Amanda and sent her pictures throughout the day and days that followed. We also stated updating our blog and facebook with what was happening. Evan had lots of people praying for him and the blessings we received from this were felt. He slowly started to gain strength and eat on his own. He still needed a feeding tube and at two weeks old we had hoped that we would be released soon. We let Amanda have access to come and see him whenever she wanted and she came during this time. We left her with him because we knew she didn't have as much time to hold and kiss him as she had wanted previously. The next couple of days Evan started coughing. It turned into RSV. We were devastated. My worst nightmare of calling Amanda and telling her that something else was wrong with Evan had happened. I had so much guilt over this because I was sick too with RSV. We don't know who got it first and gave it to each other. In a few days Evan was put on oxygen but eating on his own finally. After a week he got better and we had the go ahead to go home with an oxygen tank. At this time Amanda came for one more chance to see him. She had some precious time with him before we left. We were under strict orders that when we got home, that he couldn't leave the house for 4 months.
We spent 3 weeks at Primary Children's and the Ronald McDonald House. We are so grateful for the wonderful people that helped out during this time. That hospital will always be special to us and is truly one of the few places where you can feel the presence of angels. To us it is as sacred as a temple. NICU babies have a certain spirit and the love of the nurses and doctors that care for them are truly inspiring.

Coming home and bonding with Evan over what had happened was difficult for me. I still feel guilty for not being able to hold him or feed him as much as he needed during that time. Especially when we were both sick. When we were at home and taking care of him is when the "true" bonding happened for me. I remember him looking into my eyes and I saw Amanda's eyes. He looked so much like her at that moment that my heart was filled with overwhelming love. I knew I was his mother. Those eyes will always remind me that he was loved and taken care of by her first. I'm grateful that she trusted us to care and love him as much as she would. Everyday I wake up to him and marvel that I get to care for him. He truly is a joy of a child.

Every adoption story is different and I wouldn't trade mine. It was full of heartbreak, sacredness, sadness, guilt, shock, sickness, and overwhelming bittersweet joy. Now we have a strong 6 month old who is loved by many people, he is our miracle and blessing. He is who we waited for for 7 years. He came at a low point in our life when we had lost hope. He brought joy and the knowledge that "god is good", which the name Evan means.

Knowing I should say something...

2011-07-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

Picture found via online

Hey everyone...normally on days that I do not have something planned for this blog I just wing it...but today and yesterday has been hard for me to wing it...you see in my personal life I have had sad news come (our birthmother changed her mind) and I am taking a little bit to take it in...I know I will be better next week...and today is much better than yesterday but still is hard... when I read all of my friends wonderful comments to console me, even though hurts they have helped more than any of my dear friends and readers may ever know...I know it is ok and I know it is how its supposed to be and I know that Heavenly Father knew she would make this decision but it is still sad. So I figured I would just say something to all of you so you don't wonder why my blog is a little slow for the next few days....also, I will be on the road driving back from Kansas City to Phoenix from Sunday til Tuesday...But the blog must go on and I have a post scheduled for Monday and may have a guest post on Tuesday when I am still on the road...so til then thank you so much for your understanding...

Advocating for Your Adoption

2011-07-20T22:08:00.002-07:00

Something important that I wish I would have known when I started the adoption process was that my husband and I were going to need to be our own advocates. What I mean by that is, we would need to be proactively looking for our baby-that no one was going to just drop off a baby at our door or call us to come pick up one from the hospital the day after we were certified, that we would need to do research on adoption law in our own state as well as other states that we might adopt from, that we would need to ask questions, voice concerns and check in frequently along the way to make sure that we had dotted our i's and crossed our t's. You MUST be involved in the process, if you sit back and wait for someone or something to happen, opportunities might pass you by or fall through or you may miss an important step or paper that needs to be submitted or filed with your adoption agency. You and your spouse need to be your own advocates, fighting for whatever it takes to get you to your baby. Don't be afraid to ask your caseworker or your friends or family that have adopted about questions or concerns you have. It can help alleviate alot of stress or unneccesary worry as well as helping to prevent any problems that could occur in your adoption plans. Be honest with your caseworker and your birthmom, be upfront, be yourself! Flex your "adoption" muscles, stand up for what you want and persevere and when you are standing at the end of the road with your sweet baby in your arms, you will be glad that you spoke up and got involved in the process because it will mean more to you and you will feel like an adoption warrior! -Elise

blog bumps

2011-07-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone...I just wanted to give all of you a heads up that blogger is having issues with link lists not showing...Hence you can see that I have a list of hoping to adopt couples that is missing...this gadget had been giving me issues for a while and that is why I had started the one with more couples hoping to adopt (which today was giving me the issues the other one had) and then I was trying to correct it today...I had decided to look up the issue with blogger and that is where I learned I am not the only one with this issue so hopefully it will fix on its own...so sorry if your blog link is missing at the moment...if it doesn't fix I will let all of you know so we can get a new list on here... :-(

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

2011-07-18T04:34:00.002-07:00

Dustin and Andrea

Our story starts nearly 8 years ago. Dustin and I were married September 18, 2003. We had planned on waiting a few years to have to children so we could get done with our education. However, after being married only a year and a half, we felt very strongly it was time to start a family. Like most couples, we thought and hoped we'd get pregnant very quickly.

Little did we know what the next few years would bring. As each month passed we thought it wasn't "our time" and the Lord would make it happen when the time was right. It was heartbreaking with each failed attempt, but we continued on with faith that things would work out. When the times got really tough, we started to travel together to take our mind off things and enjoy our time together. It was therapy for the both of us to be able to get away. I felt every emotion you could imagine. I had feelings of inadequacy, denial, fear, guilt, and utter sadness. Thank heaven for a husband who is kind, loving, patient and really good at wiping tears.

After 2 years of trying we decided to see a fertility specialist. The doctor told us our chances of conceiving on our own were less than 3%. It was going to take divine intervention for a miracle to occur. We were given two options, artificial insemination or invitro. We thought and prayed about it and decided we would start with our first round of medication and artificial insemination. We both felt really good about it and for the first time in 2 years felt confident again that we would get pregnant. Sadly, it didn't work. We were devastated. Out of frustration we began to look into adoption, but didn’t feel like it was the right time. We tried artificial insemination again a month later, took a pregnancy test, and found out we were pregnant. Dustin made me take 4 more because he couldn't believe it. Each one came back positive. We were so excited. There was a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. All of the heartache and confusion vanished. We called the doctor and set up an appointment. We couldn't wait to see our little baby.

Two weeks later our world came crashing down. I woke up one morning and knew that something was wrong. I called the doctor's office, they ran some tests and we found out that I had miscarried. On top of that, the doctors found a grapefruit sized cyst on my right ovary, which was caused by the fertility medication. It was horrible. The weight was thrown back on our shoulders and there was more confusion than ever. I have never been so devastated and sad in all my life. I felt that my dream of being a mom was slowly slipping away. Who can mourn the loss of someone who has never been born? The fact that there is nothing tangible to represent the loss actually intensifies the pain and makes the loss more difficult to understand.

The next couple of months were a fog. We spent a lot of time praying and going to the temple trying to figure out what the Lord wanted us to do. We didn’t feel good about going through with any more fertility treatments for the time being. We then seriously began to pray about adoption. A couple of weeks before Christmas things started to fall into place for us. The spirit confirmed over and over we were making the right decision. In December 2007 we met with LDS Family Services and began the necessary paperwork for adoption.

We were approved for our first adoption March 17, 2008 and were chosen just 4 weeks later! Did we just get lucky? I wouldn't call it luck at all. God is in the details of our lives. He has a plan for each and every person on this earth. He knew we needed to move quickly because there was a birth mom who needed to find the parents of the child she was carrying. She needed our support and the Lord knew how much we needed hope back in our lives.

Our daughter Avery was born October 28, 2008. She is a ray of light and energy in our home. We share a very open adoption with her birth mom Andee. She has become a dear friend of ours and a huge blessing in our lives.

We have been approved for our second adoption since May 2010. We are hopeful and humbled to be going through this process again. We love being a part of the adoption community and are grateful for the opportunity adoption has given us to be parents. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has chosen us to be recipients of such a miraculous process.

Please help us spread the word!!

Our Profile: https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23990609/ourMessage.jsf

Our Adoption Blog: http://dustinandreaadopt.blogspot.com/

Our Family Blog: http://dustinandrea.blogspot.com/

Taboo or Empowerment

2011-07-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

Picture via online

The other night my husband and I were out to dinner with another couple and the topic turned to our adoption. As usual we were talking about how it was going and they were asking questions...then they brought up that they knew a family member and their spouse that had been stuggling with infertility and considering the possability of adoption. They said how it was hard to relate for them to their family member since they themselves have never had a struggle in this arena...I respected that...It takes alot to realize you don't know how it feels and to admit you don't know what to say. They also mentioned how this family member didn't really know anyone in this arena...

It was so interesting how I felt so alive speaking openly about adoption and our journey with it thus far...now a year ago I wouldn't have known what to say and would have felt embarrassed or awkward to talk about it. It is crazy how time and awareness changes us. I felt like I just wanted to reach out to their family member and hug them and tell them it was going to be ok...That God has a plan for their family and if adoption is the way that is going to happen, then I want them to know where to look and help them to know others who have been where they are and felt what they have felt too...

When we first decided to adopt, we knew nothing, we had family that adopted but that was like 20 yrs ago and it was closed and adoption is so different now, and then we had like one couple friend who had adopted but at the time it wasn't like they were our best friends ya know...I just feel that if I had only had someone to help me along at the begining to know it was ok...to encourage me to be proud of the fact that our child was going to come through adoption...that God was in charge...that it wasn't taboo to talk about...that I wasn't the only one to feel weird at first to talk about it, it would have helped me soooo much at the beginning...

**disclaimer - now yes I know I have lots of friends now that are amazing but sometimes we really need somebody to get really real with us and tell us the raw stuff and help us be strong...or at least maybe "I" just did...but again I can't possibly be the only one...

I have decided that THIS is a topic I wish adoption conferences spoke more about! ADOPTION EMPOWERMENT (How to feel about Adoption - How to talk about it with others at the "beginning" - How to be proud and Excited in the Beginning and not be scared or feel weird). How much easier would it have been for you if you had others to really sincerely help you in the beginning to be ok with it...to not feel like a failure since this is your path...that this was God's plan for your family right now and to help you be proud to talk with others not feel ashamed. I know I struggled sooo much with this at the beginning and I know it does take time to come to terms with things but I also feel that when we have strong friends and guides, it makes everything all the much better :-)

The Raw Emotions of Placement - An Adoptive Mom Perspective

2011-07-14T04:30:00.001-07:00

Dayna emailed me last week after I posted Stacey's experience and all I can say is wow! Heavenly Father truly is amazing...I got her email when I was in the car about to go to an appt and I started to read it and was so engrossed in it that I could not leave the car til I was done reading...tears...it was so good and I am so thankful she felt compelled to email it to me and to share it with everyone that reads my blog...It is so touching...Thanks for sharing this Danya! - Deanna

Experience: Danya

I call our placement story unique knowing all placement and adoption stories are. But ours is unique in a different way then most since it was a constant stream of pure beauty and treachery (in my own mind and heart anyways). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing! But it was also pretty hard and scary. So here's our story.

My husband and I were elated when we were matched with a set of birth parents only 4 short weeks after our profile going active with LDS Family Services. As we got to know the situation and birth parents we become slightly hesitant; perfectly amazing birth couple, supportive birth family, wanting the same amount of openness as us - it seemed too good to be true! But we trusted in Heavenly Father and the strong feelings of love he was placing in our hearts for this birth family and baby girl. Our little one wasn't due for about 6 weeks so we started to cultivate a relationship of trust and openness with her sweet birth family. Time was an interesting mix of going way too slow and way too fast during those weeks but everything was falling into place so perfectly. Together with our birth family we made a hospital plan that did not include my husband and I being there for the birth. We were slightly disappointed but knew it was for the best since our birth mother, N, and our birth father, C, had such a large supportive family that would be there at the hospital. We agreed that we would visit the day after she was born to start bonding then have placement shortly after.

We began to fantasize about our baby girl and what she might look like. We picked out her name. We would dream about touching her soft skin and bundling her up for her first car ride home from the hospital. I even packed up her coming home outfit. So you can imagine the shock that followed when our dear N called me about a week before Little Lady L was due to let us know that they had not changed their minds about the adoption plan, they were still firmly committed, BUT they needed more time with Little Lady L to say goodbye. Instead of having placement from the hospital they planned to take her home for a week so that they and their family could process their goodbyes. I remember that phone call all too clearly. Fear shot through me. I trusted N with all my heart but just a few months earlier a close friend of ours had experienced a particularly devastating failed placement. It started with the birth mother saying she needed just a couple more days, taking the baby home, and then deciding to parent. My husband and I were so torn between trust and fear that we hardly knew how to react. We told N that we trusted and supported their decision. To be honest, we were dying inside. Was this the beginning of the end? Maybe things were too good to be true.

After a phone call of tears to our amazingly patient case worker we began to pray... hard. In our minds we didn't have a choice, we just had to trust N and C that they did just need some time and that they would be honest with us if they were changing their plan to place. I became exceptionally defensive (and still am) of N and C's decision to keep her for a week. We decided we would only tell our closest family of their choice until after the fact. The last thing we needed was a barrage of well intended yet hurtful reminders of what might happen.

Finally Little Lady L's induction date came and N was put into labor. N and C were so sweet and kept us posted via text message all day long of changes in labor. At 8:41pm our Little Lady made her grand appearance into this world. It was a small picture and message but it was the sweetest one we had ever received. We were completely smitten. The next day we went to the hospital to meet our daughter. I cannot express the peace we felt as we walked into N's room and held our baby girl. In those moments we knew things would be OK. The following day N was released from the hospital and took Little Lady L home, to her birth home, in an outfit picked out by her birth mother. That hurt a little. Part of me wanted that experience so badly.

I don't know how but Heavenly Father helped us find patience and peace that week. We kept busy as possible preparing for our daughter's arrival home, to our home. We visited again that Thursday at N's house and for the first time I was able to step outside of my own selfish desires and realize why this time was so desperately needed by our birth family. I'll never forget as we were saying goodbye and walking out of the front door when our visit ended I nearly burst into tears. Not of fear or pain but of joy! The Spirit spoke so strongly to my heart that this was right. That if we were patient our time with our daughter would come but they needed her first. I was so indescribably grateful that they had chosen to take this week with her! Even today it fills my heart with joy that they had those few precious moments to cherish.

Sunday was finally here. Placement day. How do you describe placement? Pure joy for yourself. Guilt for that joy knowing your joy meant someone else's hurt. Someone you loved, no less. We arrive at N and C's LDS Family Services office and waited patiently in the lobby. They were already in the back having their last moments as Little Lady L's parents. My heart hurt so bad for them. My husband, and I sat silently across from our caseworker. I don't think words were needed as we waited. After a while N, C, their mothers, and our Little Lady entered the room. Those were tearful consuming embraces we exchanged. We sat for a while and talked about Little Lady L's health and schedule. We took some pictures and hugged some more. It was time. N was ready. I could see determination in her pained face as she gently placed our daughter in my arms. Pain, joy, and everything in between. Emotions were palpable. There weren't many words that could be said after that. Everyone could feel it. It was time to go. N and C wanted us to leave first. I don't think they could stand walking away. We understood.

Once we exited the building I stopped being strong for everyone else and cried for the first time during placement. First they were confused tears, not knowing how to feel, not knowing what I was allowed to or should feel. Finally I allowed myself a few moments of unrestrained, guilt-free joy. I wanted to jump in the air do a fist pump and yell, "Whoohoo!" I didn't. I felt the urge to run to my car and speed away so I could show my beautiful baby to the world. I didn't. I just sat down, buckled Little Lady L in snugly, kissed her cheeks, and told her how much her birth family loves her.

In the end I realized that what placement came down to. It was an act of complete and pure love."

Mrs. D
"The Adoption Advocate"
on Facebook

Back to Reality

2011-07-13T14:15:00.003-07:00

We are back from vacation, had a wonderful time. We drove over 3,000 miles, went to New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho, Nebraska, Utah and Nevada. It was a wonderful trip and I had many opportunities to enjoy nature and to realize what a beautiful country we live in. While on vacation, we got the most glorious news, check out our blog to hear more!

This week I wanted to tell you all about a special fundraiser that my friend Brittany at 41 West Designs is doing. Her friends Matt and Tara are raising money to go to Taiwan and pick up Baby Annie. Brittany is donating $2 from every sign purchased between now and September 1 to Matt and Tara's adoption efforts. Feel free to stop by 41 West Designs Etsy Shop if you would like to help out the cause. Always willing to support someone working to unite a family! And just because she is such a cutie pants, here is a picture of Baby Annie. :) Congrats Matt & Tara and good luck! Love, Elise

DID YOU KNOW!!!

2011-07-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if all of you know but I wanted to make sure you did if you live in the Phoenix Area....

Information about this event was found via http://fsaphoenix.blogspot.com/

Adoption academy

Saturday, august 6^th
8:00 A.M. - 4:30 P.M.
4901 W Union Hills
Glendale, AZ 85308

Please register through the Phoenix Office no later than July 29^thby calling 623-878-2037. Registration is $20 per couple and must be paid at time of registration. Food will not be provided for anyone who registers after July 29^th.

Check-In and Breakfast 7:45 A.M.

Hoping to Adopt Features!

2011-07-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone...Sorry to say I didn't have a couple to feature today so there is no feature.. :-( ...I would like to feature a couple every week so please email me if you would like to be featured because I know there are many of you out there and so want to help you find your baby!...also, for all of you looking to adopt please email me your blog link if you would like me to add it to my hoping to adopt links...If you know of others that would like more exposure please let them know and I will be sure to add them!

Send all emails to: ldsadoptionconnection@yahoo.com

p.s. if you are reading this post way after this post was posted feel free to still totally email me...I am always wanting to help...and I know I am not the only one who would LOVE to hear your story and help you...

Fresh Air Fund...

2011-07-08T04:44:00.002-07:00

This week I had a woman named Sara contact me re: the Fresh Air Fund. In her email she said a little about what it was and gave a website to peek at...so I did and WOW! You might be thinking what is the Fresh Air Fund just like I did. So I clicked on their site and then clicked into their You Tube channel and saw this video...

Sara had let me know that they ARE still looking for families to help...they still need 850 host families for THIS summer (children stay with their host families for up to 2 weeks) ...I know I usually speak about adoption related topics on here but I know all of us want to have an impact on a child or want to help in some way...ultimately, all of us want children to feel love, happiness, and all they should worry about it having fun and being a kid...for many of these children life is not that easy and the struggles that they face everyday are more than many adults have experienced in their lifetimes...

This is so cool...and if I lived in the areas that this program is available I would so be up for this! Think about how you could help these children and how wonderful they will feel knowing someone else cares about them. You can make such a difference...How would you feel knowing that you were the one that helped change it all for them...knowing that you helped them know that life offered more...You can offer them HOPE...HOPE for their future...HOPE for their family or lack of...HOPE for their current situation...HOPE in themselves...HOPE that they matter...HOPE that they can make a difference...

These video's below shows how one choice to host can make a difference in a child's life...

What an impact this program makes...if you would like to learn more about the Fresh Air Fund Click here

I just have to put a shout out to Sara for emailing me about this and all of the wonderful people that work so hard to make this program possible...Thank you so much for what you do, I am sure it means so much to all of these children, their families and the families that host every year!

The Raw Emotions of Placement - An Adoptive Mom's Perspective

2011-07-07T04:02:00.045-07:00

Most of us that get on the road to adoption are like a fish out of water...we have no idea of what to expect or what to even ask...we listen and listen and try to learn but all we really know is what we want and that is a baby in our family....I think alot of things are scarier when we have no idea of what to expect, but when we know something it helps greatly...These posts are of views and experiences from women who have gone through placement. They know what it feels like to see someone make the hardest choice in their life and selflessly place their sweet baby in the hands of another who they chose to raise their baby. They know what it feels like to have a bittersweet happiness...I have asked them to share with all of us their take and how they dealt with it...be prepared they are going to tell it like it is...I wanted them to because that will help all of us...there will be no holding back..just raw unedited feelings... - Deanna

EXPERIENCE: Stacey

The Baby hunger started and we knew that we had another baby waiting for us. The emotion started for me in knowing it was my fault we couldn't conceive on our own. So many nights I had cried because of feeling guilty. After some time had passed we decided to adopt and then all I could think of was "getting" a baby. As we started our road to adopt, we had a couple of contacts along the way. I think at first I saw birth-mom's and objects. They were a baby holder for my baby. Through the process of waiting my Heavenly Father taught me a lesson of patience and compassion.

Months later we met our birth family. We saw them face to face with tears and all. It was hard to look them in the face while they talked about their baby and how much they love him. They talked about placement and it made me sick to my stomach thinking that I am the person taking this child away from them.

In the few weeks that we had to prepare for this baby boy we had met with the birth family many times and built a good relationship with them. Then placement came... the people that we have grown to love, the people that are giving us the amazing gift walk into the room with their baby. Their eyes so puffy from crying and tears rolling down their cheeks. I wasn’t worried about the baby at that point. I just wanted to hold and hug them and make things better. I wanted to bring the baby home but also wanted them too. They could live with us ... right?

We were so excited to finally have our baby in our arms but we still wept for them and their pain. I emailed the family almost every day for the first couple of months. Every time he pooped, spit up, slept longer than normal. I wanted them to be apart of him, a part of us. I was of course worried that I wouldn't love him as much as my biological kids. Lucky for us that never happened. The first night he was home I knew he was ours and I loved him all the same.

I started to worry around the time he turned 2 months. He didn’t look at us, smile, or do much at all. “Oh no, he really doesn’t like us.” I thought. After meeting with our caseworker she reassured us that if he was snuggling into us and we could calm him just by holding him then we he has bonded with us.

So we went to see his pediatrician. He said that he has some concerns but to wait for his next apt and we would go from there. If I thought I felt guilty before now I really feel this over powering feeling of guilt that I have done something wrong to cause our little boy to be this way. What is wrong? What could it be? I kept this from the birth family for months, I was too scared to tell them. We later found out that he was born with underdeveloped muscles and that he would need physical therapy. I couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to tell the birth family that something was wrong. Did I do this to him? What if I would have played with him more or made him do more tummy time or should I have kept the other kids away from his so that he wouldn't have gotten over simulated? I knew I had to tell them sometime.

They were going to see him again at 6 months and he still couldn't hold his head. I told them in an email around 5 months and was so thankful for their response back. They just reassured me that I was his mom and that they know they made the right decision. Still the guilt, what now?

Chris is 10 months old now. His birth parents have started to moved on, but I often wonder why can't I? Every time I look at his blonde curly hair I think of his birth Dad or his eyes and lips that he got from his birth Mom. I want them to be with us, I want them to want to be with him. I want them to be around and a part of our family. Why don't they want that? What if they don't want an open adoption anymore.

It sounds funny, I know! Before placement we were worried that they would want to be around all the time and we wouldn't want it. I guess things change, maybe it is some of the guilt that is still there, the guilt that I get to have this beautiful baby boy to love and to hold for all eternity and they get pictures. But maybe I just want to share it with them...

I love our baby boy and I love our birth family. I also love the adoption and hope to adopt again but I also pray that one day I can too move on from this guilt. I am so thankful for all that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with and the joy that our baby boy brings to my family.

**Just after I was wrote this post I was invited to go and see both the birth mom's family and the birth dad and his family and new wife. Check out our blog for the full story. I am blessed to have so many questions answered through this wonderful visit.**

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Thoughts to keep you going!

2011-07-06T20:39:00.002-07:00

Elise here, still enjoying a lovely va-cay with my family but I wanted to check in and share some of the things that I have been thinking about that have helped me in our journey to adopt. Like Deanna has mentioned before, I am a part of a wonderful group of women in an Adoptive Mom Group. These women lift me up, inspire me and encourage me on when I get discouraged or downhearted. They are awesome and are definitely the most courageous people I know. Many of you out there might not be a part of a group like this or may not feel totally supported by family and friends and maybe you don't know anyone who has adopted so you feel alone. I am here to tell you that you are never alone! One thing that these women constantly remind me of is that the Lord is aware of me and that he has a perfect plan for me.

Here are some of the things that I hold onto:

*Although my friend or sister or cousin is pregnant or someone else I know is adopting, they are not having my baby. My baby is still waiting to join our family. The timing and the child that come are going to be the perfect fit for us.

*I don't want to find any baby, I want our baby. I know that there is a special spirit that is being prepared just for us and I want to do everything that I can to be in the right spirit and mindset for them.

*Every birthmom that we talk to is going to be different, none can be compared to another. I should never expect that my relationship will be the same as my friend's relationship with their birthmom. Our relationship with our birthmom will be as the Lord would have it be for the needs of our family.

*Everything before now has prepared me to be the mom that I will need to be for the child meant to be in our home. Even though I am not physically carrying our child, I will have a special bond with them that I will gain from the nights spent awake with them, the soothing that only I will be able to do and the many wonderful experiences that I will get to have with them throughout their life. Heavenly Father has faith in me to be able to be a mom for this precious baby and I need to trust in his faith in me, that I will have the abilities needed to care for and nurture my child.

*I need to be all in. Like Deanna mentioned before, the only way that I can truly be emotionally and physically prepared is to be fully invested. This is really difficult for me after going through a failed placement, but I know that the Lord is aware of my fears and will bless me with the comfort and strength that I need to push forward in our journey. I have to plan as though we are going to welcome a baby into our homes, preparing in every way.

*Adoption is not easy. It is a wild and crazy emotional rollercoaster but it is all going to be totally worth the ride when I am finally holding our baby in my arms and bringing them home to be apart of our family, knowing that they are going to be mine.

These are just a few of the things that have come to mind in the last couple of days. I hope that they help you like they have helped me. Being in nature the last couple of weeks as my family has been in Yellowstone and seeing all of the majesties the Lord has created, I have not been able to keep the saying "seeing the forest for the trees" out of my mind. If I can keep the overall eternal perspective in my mind, keep the thought of holding my baby in my arms as my driving force, I know that I can overcome all things along this rocky road. It is all going to be so worth it, I just know it!

Just for thought...

2011-07-04T21:38:00.001-07:00

I just watched this and it touched me so much...I know all of you will like it as much as me...

A call for Birthfathers...

2011-07-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

I would like to do a post about the birth Father's perspective about adoption (one of you suggested this and it is a great idea!)...

If there are any of you (birth Father's) out there that read this blog will you contact me if you are willing to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with our readers...or if you know a birth father could you ask them if they might be open to this....I am aware of two blogs out there written from birth fathers and would like to more on this perspective...

Please email me (Deanna) if you are interested or you know someone that would be great for input on a post like this... ldsadoptionconnection@yahoo.com

The Raw Emotions of Placement - an adoptive mom's perspective

2011-06-30T04:42:00.003-07:00

Meet Candace....she had Sawyer placed with her...

(Excerpt taken from my own blog a month after Sawyer was born.)

One thing I didn't expect when I took Sawyer home was all the emotions I experienced this past month. I know what I am about to share is personal but I think it is important for people to know that are also choosing the adoption route. The first week was the hardest. I was so full of guilt. I knew Sawyer's birth family was hurting and I felt like it in some way was all my fault. I felt like the bad guy. I had this beautiful baby in my arms that I absolutely loved and I knew that could have never been if it wasn't for Sawyer's wonderful birth parents that were hurting so badly. I felt like I was so horrible for taking this baby from the only voices he knew. The only heart beat he knew. The only scent he knew. I was a complete stranger to him and I "took" him from his parents. It just didn't seem fair. I love Lauren and Jason so much and I just wanted to take them home with me.

The next feelings I felt were jealously. I was so jealous of Lauren and Jason. I wish I could have given birth to my baby so bad. Every time I looked at Sawyer, I saw their faces and not ours. He has their hands, not ours. He has their toes, not ours. I admit, it was even hard for me to give Lauren updates a little bit. It was hard trying to feel like "Mom" when I was often reminded that I wasn't his "Real Mom". I didn't know anyone that had been in my shoes and had also done an open adoption that I could talk to so I felt so horrible for having these feelings. I felt like if I said anything to anyone that it would make me look ungrateful and I was so far from being ungrateful. I felt these feelings beating me down and making it hard for me to bond with my baby.

Then one day one of the social workers came over and I just unloaded my feelings on him. He told me that all these feelings were COMPLETELY normal. I felt so relieved. He assured me that things would get better in time. The day after he left I met someone that had been in my shoes, twice. She has two adopted children that are both open adoptions. It felt so good to talk to her. We shared stories and she was a major help. She helped me see things in a different light. She told me to continue to be completely honest with Lauren and I have. She understood me so well. I love the love and relationship she has with her children's birth mother's. She said the birth moms are like sisters or sisters-in-laws to her. I understand that love and I look forward to the day Lauren and I have that kind of relationship.

Bonding with Sawyer was different for me. I didn't carry him for 9 months so it didn't just come the minute I held him. This may sound silly but the first real bond moment I had with him was about a week after I brought him home when I tried wearing a baby wrap someone got for me at my baby shower. I was trying it out, put him in it, and felt so close to him. I felt his little tummy move with each breath and I know he could hear my heartbeat in my chest. I felt so close to him and I didn't want to take him out of it. It was an emotion I have never felt before and I loved it. From then it just grew a little bit each day. I still put him in that wrap and just wear it around the house for no reason other than to feel close to him. I also have him sleep on my chest at night. He sleeps on Brett's chest sometimes also. It's moments like that and feelings like that that really help me feel like a mother.
He is a very alert baby and he will just stare into my eyes sometimes and make me melt. He is gaining control over his head and will follow my voice when I talk to him.

Sawyer also love just being held. He cries when I lay him down so that makes me feel like he misses me. He is happy again when I pick him up and hold him in my arms. Sawyer is a special baby. He is helping me feel like a mom more and more every day. I have realized that even though I didn't carry him for 9 months, I am still his Mom... his Real Mom. Lauren will always be his Birth Mom and that makes him extra special because he has not only a mom but a birth mom too. He will always know his belly button is extra special because it was connected to Lauren's belly button.

My life has changed so much in the past month and I am happier now than I have ever been in my whole life. My love for Sawyer and his birth family grow every day. The jealously has been replaced with more honor and more gratitude for them. I feel so lucky to have an open adoption plan.

It's been 19 months since Sawyer was born and life couldn't be better. There is more love than I ever thought possible. It DOES get better each day. Just be patient. I wouldn't have done adoption any other way : )

P.S. If you are interested in sharing this part of your adoption with others on this blog email Deanna at ldsadoptionconnection@yahoo.com

Meeting my birthfamily

2011-06-29T11:48:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone, this is Elise. I'm in Aurora, CO blogging on my aunt's computer (who I just met for the first time yesterday!). It has been a wonderful visit so far in fact we even decided to stay an extra night. Yesterday when we arrived, we saw my birthfather who I haven't seen in about 6 years and then I met two of my aunts, an uncle and four cousins that I have never met (well not that I remember). It has been so great getting to know them and I always wondered what things I had in common with all of them that I never knew. My mom remarried when I was 3 and I didn't grow up really having a relationship with my birthfather or his family so now as an adult I am working on building one. When Josh and I started the adoption process I was unsure about open adoption and how birthparents and other relatives involvement in our child's life would be. But now I am seeing it from a totally different perspective, as an adopted child (my stepdad who I grew up with adopted me when I was 10). Meeting this side of my family has shown me that birthparents and their families can really be just an extension of the family that I have always known. They love me and accept me just like the aunts, uncles and cousins that I grew up around. It is awesome! Anyway, I want to get back to visiting with them so I will give you a more detailed rundown with pictures next week. Open adoption is a huge blessing in my life! :)

Have you Heard!

2011-06-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Nathan and Holly have Adopted!!! So Excited for them!

If you want to see their cute little one go visit their blog!

Hoping to Adopt Feature Dan and Emily

2011-06-27T04:46:00.001-07:00

Dan and I have been happily married coming up on 8 years now, this month! We met in Moab, Utah on a river rafting trip. By the time it had been a week of knowing one another, my mom had a framed picture of us displayed in her living room.

This is a week after meeting each other...

Days after we met, Dan and I had a heart to heart.

I told Dan that I had always felt that I would adopt ever since I was a little girl. Although I did not entirely know what adoption meant , it has been a word that has circled my mind since I can remember.

Forward, almost a year later from our heart to heart conversation....

Emily proposed to Dan!

Then Dan proposed to Emily

Both of our proposal stories here, link.

I had surgery for endometriosis. Dan went with me to get my surgery results from my doctor. The doctor told us that if we wanted children we needed to try as soon as we were married and the sooner the better.

Dan and I left his office, feeling.... overwhelmed, it did not feel like the right time to start our faimly.

We put everything aside and we planned our wedding...

We were sealed in the Jordan River Temple

In April 2006, we began our path to grow our family. We didn't get pregnant. Optimism past and sheer despair set in. After what was meant to be a fun weekend away and a visit with one of my best friends, I felt like I was turning inside out. I got down on my knees and prayed.... I felt to start the adoption process. After six short months Dawson came home a week to the year we started trying to grow our family in April.

We are hoping to add to our family again through open adoption.

You can read our blog here: itsusdanandemily.blogspot.com to learn more about our story.

Two Miracles through Open adoptions

2011-06-24T04:46:00.002-07:00

Hello to all the amazing women and men out there that are involved in the adoption world!!

My name is Jaymie. I am a woman of MANY words. (I talk to much) I have debated on how to write our beautiful story of our family in a few paragraphs! Hey who says it has to be a few paragraphs? I will try and keep it as short and sweet as best as I can.

1st greatest blessing of my life: My Hubby

I married my high school sweetheart & the love of my life. The man I KNOW I will be with for the eternities. The man that lights up my life. The man I know my life will be filled with HUGE amounts of happiness, because he is a part of it. The man Heavenly Father knew I needed by my side to get through life’s ups and downs. The man that held me while we dealt with our infertility, but also gave me the strength to strive to make a hard situation one that we could learn & grow from.

2nd greatest blessing of my life: My Daughter Henslee

After going through all the “fun” infertility treatments over and over we decided that if we were not pregnant by Jan 2009 we would start the adoption process. Oh wait, did I say "fun" I meant the worst not fun thing of my life! Well, January came around and no pregnancy. The adoption process started. We were so excited. We planned on going into it wanting a very closed adoption. We wanted to be able to have our “Own” family. We wanted to say Thank you to the birth mom and then run with our little bundle of joy in the other direction. We were able to attend the adoption academy in February to start our adoption journey. After the academy our hearts were changed. We came away wanting so bad to have an open adoption. I wrote in my journal that night............Today I was able to gain a greater understanding of Birth mothers. The love, sacrifice & uncertainty of placing their baby for adoption. I have a new strong love for them. I now realize this is a journey we will do together with our Birth moms. I want them to be a strong part of our family an important part. I am so lucky to to become a part of their lives and make it to the eternities with them. I couldn't do this journey without them. My family cannot start without them.

We were then certified July 21^st 2009. Our profile went up and the very next day we were contacted by Lindsey a Birth mom. We quickly emailed her back. No response back from her. A few weeks later we were then chosen by another Birth mom in California. We were so excited. A few weeks went by and we were then contacted by our caseworker and were told she changed her mind and was not going to place with us.
The very same night Lindsey emailed us back. A few days later she asked us to be the parents of her daughter. We were able to build an amazing relationship over the next few months leading up to the birth of Henslee. My hubby and I were in the room when our daughter was born. It was the most incredible experience of my life. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when my daughter I had waited for looked at me for the first time. Time stood still.

Henslee & her birthmom Lindsey

Over the next few months we were able to continue our open adoption with Lindsey. We were in love with our little Henslee and enjoying every second of being parents. Lindsey came over and visited frequently. We loved that Lindsey would be a part of Henslee’s life. We love Lindsey. We couldn’t imagine our adoption journey without her being in it. Henslee is now 18 months old and getting cuter by the second. Lindsey has been an important part of our lives through the entire process.We get to see Lindsey once or twice a month and look forward to seeing her each time..

3rd greatest blessing of my life: My Son Nixon

Henslee's birth mom Lindsey let me know in July of 2010 that her good friend Olesia was pregnant and thinking to place her baby for adoption. Lindsey told me that she was going to "talk" Olesia into placing her baby with us. We didn't think much of it because we were parents to a 7 month old baby : ) . The amazing thing is that we knew Olesia. She came to the hospital when Henslee was born. We have a picture of her with Henslee when Henslee was 2 days old. Lindsey and Olesia grew up across the street from each other. Well so a few months goes by and I was out to lunch with Lindsey. She brought up Olesia again. I have never felt a feeling so strong in my life, I knew that if Olesia was having a BOY I knew he would be a part of our family. So we didn't get our hopes up. But I did continue thinking about Olesia, constantly she was on my mind. A few months went by and I sent Lindsey a text message asking her if Olesia knew what she was having yet?? Lindsey then told me she just found out and that it was going to be a Little Boy! Wow chills all over my body. Olesia wanted to meet and a few days later we went to dinner with Olesia. It was an amazing night. We felt like we had known Olesia forever. Olesia was also adopted from Russia a few years ago, so she is very familiar with the love, heart ache and feelings regarding adoption. After meeting with her I knew in my heart that she would be in our lives forever. We went to dinner a few nights later and that is when she asked us if we would be the parents of her Son. After a few months of getting to know Olesia, going to dinner, movies and ultra sounds we were able to gain a strong relationship with her. Olesia gave birth to our Son Nixon in April of 2011. She gave me the opportunity to be in the delivery room when he was born. I gained a deeper love for her watching her go through what she did to get Nixon here. Olesia took Nixon home until she signed papers. The day she went home from the hospital we received a call from our case worker telling us that Olesia decided not to place and was going to parent instead. We were heart broken to say the least. Olesia decided she would think about it and let us know a few days later what her final decision was going to be. After a lot of prayers and miracles she signed papers at 72 hours.

Nixon & his Birthmom Olesia

We love Olesia. She is a strong person. Not alot of women are strong enough to do what she did. She loved Nixon more than anything in the world. I love that Nixon will always know of the love she has for him. Nixon is now 8 weeks old and the cutest little man ever.

My Hubby, Me, Henslee & Lindsey


Olesia (pregnant with Nixon) Me, Henslee & my Hubby

Wow the adoption process is a roller coaster!! There is nothing anyone can say or nothing you can do to prepare your self for the emotions, good and bad that will come with your adoption journey. Having had 2 adoptions you would think we would’ve been better prepared for our second adoption. NOPE. Every Birth-mom is different, hence every adoption is different. Having an open adoption is a work in progress. We have had our fair share of ups and downs with both of our Birth-moms. But like any other relationship you have to work on it. We have worked and are still working on it and I can say we have an incredible relationship with both of them. I have a deep love for each one of them and I cherish my relationship with our Birth-moms. They are the reason I am a mommy today. I will forever be grateful to them for allowing me to raise and be the mommy to their precious children. The journey of adoption is Incredible. You will see the hand of the Lord through the entire process. He gives us trials to test our faith, to build our relationship with him and to help us grow. We are truly blessed to have the opportunity to be apart of the adoption process. We love our OPEN adoptions. We love our Birth-moms.

Please contact me with any questions you have. My family blog is http://jesseandjaymie.blogspot.com/. I love to talk about our adoptions. I wish I could share it with the entire world how Amazing adoption is. Good luck in your adoption journeys! It will be the greatest journey of your lives.

Question from Tuesday...

2011-06-23T04:05:00.004-07:00

Anonymous said...
: We are going to meet our birth-mom for the second time, but we are also meeting her 3 kids and her mom and dad. What is appropriate, to bring them a gift or not. Do we bring our birth mom a gift again or not. We are meeting her this weekend. Thanks
This is a great question and I wanted you to know my thoughts before you meet them this weekend...I say do what you would normally do...If you want to get something, then do...I am not sure if you were meaning that you have already adopted and am meeting your birth mom of your adopted child or the birth-mom of the child you are going to adopt....I am going to assume it is she is carrying still and she has 3 children previously...I would probably get something small for the kiddos...nothing major but to show you were thinking of her and them..
I think that sometimes we as hopeful adoptive couples are so worried we will do something wrong and mess it up but be who you really are...that is who you will be to the child they place with you so why be someone different before or to their birth-mother. If it is supposed to be she will know the intentions of your heart and if you are unsure say that very thing to her to explain...they want you to love them too just as you will love their baby.
I really feel that it is soooo important for you to be you...so if you want to get them a gift do so...if you normally might not don't...but also think of if you were her....that has helped me in this journey...I have tried put myself in her shoes and thought what would I want and then I have listened to her and taken mental notes of things she says...she will tell you what to do inadvertently. Be yourself...she has chosen you because of you so be you...

Hello to all!

2011-06-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is Elise. I wrote awhile back about my husband Josh and I's experience with a failed placement. It has been about three months since that happened and we are still actively pursuing adoption, searching for the precious spirit meant to be in our home. It has been a difficult time, full of the whole range of emotions. At times I was angry, sad, disappointed, excited, full of anticipation and hope. It was tough, to say the least. Also it was hard to always be an adoption cheerleader, when inside I was feeling a little disheartened with everything we've been through. I felt like after all the years of trying to conceive, fertility treatment, a miscarriage and lots of nights of crying myself to sleep, that adoption should be a little easier and that I was entitled to have it happen quickly and smoothly. Then, I realized that nothing in life that is worth having happens easily. We experience persecution in all things to make us stronger. Lately, on a good day, I have found myself in awe that Heavenly Father has so much confidence in me, to allow me to have these difficult challenges. That he knows me and that I can do all things with his help. It is amazing what we can get through that we never thought we would be able to.

Adoption is amazing, it is a wonderful miracle that is going to allow us to start our family. However, realitiy is that it's not always glamorous or perfect like it is made out to be on tv or on the some of the adoption blogs out there in blogland. Yes, there are wonderful relationships to be made with birthmoms, women that bond instantly with their new babies, open adoptions that last for long after the child's first birthday with positive communication between the families and children that grow up totally well adjusted to the fact that they were adopted. But, that is not always the case, in fact every adoption is different, just like every family is different. Each experience (even different between each child that you may adopt) will be custom for what your family needs and what the Lord wants for you to go through to make you who you need to become in this life.

Lately, the best thing that one of my adoptive mom friends told me is to go into each new relationship with a birthmom with excitement and joy, anticipating each baby that we have the chance to adopt as though it were the very first. This has been especially helpful after going through a failed placement because it's easy to be discouraged and want to guard your heart. So, as I move forward in my journey to adopt, I go forward with a lot of love in my heart and an overwhelming desire to show our birthom and baby every bit of hope and faith I have to give. I don't expect to have a relationship with our birthmom exactly like any of my friend"s birthmoms because she will be unique to us and what our family needs. I no longer have put a timeline on things because I recognize that my life is in the Lord's hands and he has a perfect plan for my husband and I. I know that he is aware of me and my family. He loves me and really wants the best for me. Each time I come to him in prayer, he wants to bless me with my righteous desires because I am his daughter and he wants me to be happy. But, he knows that I must have opposition to learn and become a strong woman.

I am looking forward to posting more about my journey to adopt as well as things that I've experienced along the way. I hope that the things I will say will help some of you in your journey of building your family! See you next Wednesday, where I will be blogging from Colorado or Wyoming. I am going to go meet my birthfather's family for the first time since I was little. Come on over to our blog if you would like to hear more about us!

Love, Elise

Topics...I want to hear from you...

2011-06-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Picture via online

Hey everyone...I hope you have been enjoying the topics of the posts we have been giving you to read lately...I really want this blog to be unique and not like what everyone else typically talks about....well some stuff will be the same but I want it to have a different flair to it...I want it to address real questions and real concerns that you as adoptive mom's and hopeful adoptive moms are curious to know even if it seems "taboo." This is your family after all and I want you to feel that this can be a resourse to help you know stuff that we don't really even think of until we read it or stuff that we don't know where to find the info.

I am really thankful for Candace and her posts re: feeding her baby breast-milk and sharing her journey to do so with us. Many of you might not of even thought that you could do that too or where to even turn if you wanted to. And it's not exactly like anyone really talks about that UNLESS you happen to know someone. These are the things I want to know too...the stuff no one tells you when you decide you are going to adopt...

So with that I ask you this...Please post comments today on this post with topics that you are curious about...even if you think they sound stupid or weird or you think you should know already or you just don't know where to find the answer or you think they are considered "taboo" to talk about. You can even post anonymous if you are embarrassed to ask about it and I will do my best to research it and use my resources to help us all on here...Sound like a Deal?

So excited to hear what you all come up with!

p.s. even if you are reading this after today's posting please feel free to comment too!

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

2011-06-20T04:27:00.004-07:00

Kelly & Stephanee

"HI! We are Kelly and Stephanee. We met in 2007 in sunny St George, Utah. We dated for 5 months, got engaged, and married 3 months after engagement in the Manti Utah Temple. We bought our first home in 2009. We welcomed a tri-colored beagle into our home a few months after buying our home. His name is Oakley (but also goes by the name "Hey You, No No, Get out of that, Get over here, Get IN here, Bad Dog, Go Away, Stop Chewing That, etc). He is the most mellow dog I have ever met, and LOVES children! Whenever our nieces and nephews are around we get ignored and he follows them around.

We have always known that we wanted children. We tried for one year and after failure to become pregnant, we went to a fertility specialist. After some testing, they found we are unable to have our own children. We knew that adoption was our next step. We took the step with both feet in even when we both knew little about adoption. Now that it has been one year since we were posted "live" online we have learned a lot about the adoption world and love every minute of it!

In the meantime of waiting patiently to bring a child into our home, we try to enjoy our favorite activities such as fishing, camping, hunting, hiking, swimming, sports riding bikes, jeeping, and any other outdoor activity we can find! We get the opportunity to spend a lot of time with nieces and nephews, who range in the ages of 3 months to 5 years old.

We are grateful to be able to participate in adoption and look forward to starting our own family one day!

To learn more about us visit our blog here...

Breast Milk For My Baby - Part 3

2011-06-18T04:16:00.001-07:00

Sawyer and I with his primary milk donors : )

Our story got out there and I started getting contacted more and more by people telling me how they never considered donating to adopted babies. It reached a pediatrician from California! She had a sister that worked with Brett and had also just adopted a baby. The pediatrician had just had a baby herself and decided to start pumping for her sisters adopted baby that lived in Texas. By the time that milk got to Texas, the adopted baby had already gotten used to formula so the baby refused the milk. So instead of it going bad, they offered it to us. We willingly took it! (It was also milk bank approved.) When Sawyer was about 11 months old, he was still going strong on the breast milk. We were getting low again and I wasn’t scheduled to see the out of state donor for a few more days. I again thought to my self, this is it isn’t it. At his doctor check-up I asked the doctor if it was ok to start him on cows milk early instead of switching him to formula for a few weeks then moving to cows milk. He told me no. The Minimum age to start Sawyer completely on cows milk was at 1 year old. We were almost out of all the donor milk with no more scheduled visits to the out of state donor. I had been mixing cows milk and donor milk to spread it out as much as I could. The Dr. did approve that ; ) We made it to 11 and 1/2 months and we were down to about one more bottles worth of milk. Again, I thought, “this is the end isn’t it.” Nope, I was wrong again!

Meet Erin!

She didn’t even know if we were still giving Sawyer breast milk but she still felt impressed to ask. I am so glad she did! We planned a time to meet and Brett and I picked up a weeks worth of milk. She said she will pump more milk and we could come back in a week to pick it up. A week later we picked up more milk and that lasted till 1 day before his birthday. WOW! We made it 364 days on breast milk! 1 day shy of a year!

The last bottle from the out of state donor....

Sawyer’s first birthday party was 2 days before his actual birthday. All of Sawyer’s families were there, (our family & both sides of his birth families) and then we got a surprise visitor! His out of state donor and her son (Sawyer’s lunch buddy) completely surprised us at his party! When I saw them I just started crying! I couldn’t believe they flew all the way here to be here. “I just couldn’t miss it”, she said.

We spent the next couple of days with them as well as some other friends. She pumped for him those last few days and on his actual birthday, she fed him his very last bottle. It was perfect!

We made it! An ENTIRE YEAR!

Sawyer and his buddies that shared their lunch with him every day.

All of us together!

I can’t express enough how much that meant to me. How much it meant to Sawyer! People who I once thought of as strangers, kept my child alive, healthy and full. They answered so many of my prayers. From one Mom to another, they were there when I wanted to be and I couldn’t. They didn’t have to do it. They never charged me a dime for the milk. They sacrificed hundreds of hours during the day and night for us. I am so grateful Heavenly Father heard my prayers and led me to them. To this day, I still get people telling me how they never even thought to donate to other babies until they heard about our story. If you are in the process of adopting and breast milk means as much to you as it did to me, there is a way. It doesn’t hurt to ask someone. Some women would even feel honored to do it. I never thought we would make it an entire year but I am so glad we did.

If you would like more info on finding donors, I have a lot of sources! Feel free to ask me anything you like. Good luck!

Breast Milk For My Baby- Part 2

2011-06-17T04:48:00.001-07:00

I started reading the ad and it was posted by a Mother who regularly donated to the Mother’s Milk bank of North Texas. She had also been donating to an adopted baby on the side as well as currently nursing her son. She produced TONS of milk and wanted to put it towards a good cause. I called her the next day and we talked for a bit. She asked lots of questions to make sure I was legit. She had already been screened, tested, and approved to do be a milk donor She also included that she was a non-drinker, non-smoker, and non-drug user.

When asked why she would donate, her reply was, "I am very passionate about pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. Besides why not help a baby in need if I can?" She told me she would be glad to donate to me! She immediately started pumping and freezing. My baby wasn’t due for another month or so so she could have a good supply ready for him when he arrived. She gave me updates on her progress and we had every oz counted. When the time came closer for my baby to arrive, I went to pick up all she had pumped so far.

My first pick up she had 732 oz of milk for my baby ready to go.

That was enough to feed him on breast milk only for an entire month! I never ever thought she would be willing to donate me so much. I was thinking she would maybe donate me a few bags that I could give to him one feeding a month for some antibodies here and there, but never this much. I was sooo extremely grateful!

One thing I didn’t know about this donor was that she was also a avid video maker that was partnered with youtube. She made lots of pregnancy and parenting videos for the world to see. She had thousands of subscribers and millions of view from all over the world. She even made some videos about herself donating to me. See Here!

She taught me a lot about video making and so I created my own youtube channel to make videos on. I thought it would be a good way for my friends and family out of state to see Sawyer grow up. It was also a good way for his birth families to see him too : )

My First Video!

A few days before Sawyer was ready to be here, I got a random message from a woman who lived 5 states away from me. She was one of my donor’s best friends. She introduced herself and told me she too was a certified milk donor for a milk bank. I had seen some of her videos before so I kind of knew a little about her already. She told me that she had some colostrum ( the extreme nutrient rich milk that comes before the full on milk supply) stored in her freezer. She said that for some reason she kept feeling compelled to save it. She had donated thousands ounces to milk banks and kids in Haiti yet for some reason she felt the need to hold on to this particular milk. When she heard about our story and how we were receiving donor milk, she felt that THIS was why she felt compelled to save it. She told me she would be glad to over night it to me. 2 days later it showed up on my door step : ) I was so grateful!!!

The next day it was delivery day. I packed up the colostrum in an ice chest and took it to the hospital with me. I was so glad that his first meal was going to be colostrum! After almost 12 hours of labor, Sawyer was born. Best.... Moment.... Ever!

When it came time to feed him, we told the nurses that we had brought our own donor milk. However since the milk hadn’t been tested and approved by the hospital, they weren’t going to let us use it. I was so upset. When I had pediatrician shopped, I told the doctor about our milk donors and he thought it was wonderful. He also told me that I could NOT go back and forth between formula and breast milk because that would really upset his stomach. I did not want that for my baby.

I talked to the pediatric dietician supervisor and told them our situation. She told me I could used hospital donor breast milk THEY provided but it would cost me $14.50 per OZ. Since Sawyer’s birth mother was “ABLE” to breast feed and because Sawyer wasn’t a “Sickly” baby insurance wouldn’t cover it. When Sawyer’s B-Ma learned of the situation, she offered to try to breast feed him herself. You are probably wondering why she just didn’t from the get go, well for a few reasons that I can discuss later. One thing I didn’t mention is that the nurse taking care of Sawyer’s B-Ma was also a birth mom!

She totally knew what Sawyer’s B-Ma was going through and knew how emotionally hard it would be if Sawyer’s B-Ma did breast feed him. So the nurse went and called Sawyer’s pediatrician. She told him our situation with the hospital not letting us use OUR donor breast milk and since he had already known about our donors (from when I interviewed him before we choose him) he wrote a “Prescription” for Sawyer to have ONLY hospital donor breast milk! What a relief! Sawyer was the first baby at that hospital to receive hospital donor breast milk that wasn’t “sickly” or had an “Abled Mother”. It was a very different situation but a great one!

When we took him home, we got to start him on the colostrum. That lasted a few days and the we started him on the breast milk that our first donor had been storing for us. I kept in touch with the out of state donor and updated her on our progress. Then she told me she would like to donate MORE milk to Sawyer. My first thought was HOW? How would I get it from where she lives to where I live? I hit the internet and research airlines. I quickly learned I could check it in a cooler as baggage as long as there was no dry ice in it. So from then on she started pumping and freezing for us. We planned to go see her in 2 months and pick up Sawyer’s lunches ; )

About this same time, I got a call from the lady at church, (the first one I asked to donate that had to think about it), and she told me she wanted to try and pump for us. I was so surprised. She told me that back in college, she had a baby and someone had asked her to donate breast milk to them. She turned them down. She told me that she never forgot about that and always felt so bad about turning that lady and her baby down. She felt this was a way she could make things right in her heart and was grateful for the opportunity. She was able to pump about 25 extra ounces and I was grateful for every drop. That was the only donation she made and I was soooo thankful.

Brett and I quickly became pros at thawing and serving breast milk. We didn’t want to waste a drop. Sawyer loved his meals and had a happy little tummy. 2 months quickly flew by and we were almost out of donor milk. It was perfect timing because it was time to fly across the U.S. and get Sawyer’s other milk donors milk.

Sawyer meeting his out of state donor for the first time : )

We flew back and forth every 2 months to get milk. His out of state donor even flew here a couple times. We all became really close friends.

Months went by and there was a time that I was going to run out. Sawyer was about 6 months old. I hadn’t received any more milk from my local donor and I wasn’t scheduled to meet with the out of state donor for another 2 weeks. I thought that was going to be the end of the breast milk for sure. I never thought he would have made it this far on donor milk to begin with so I was soooo grateful it lasted for 6 months. Then out of the blue, I got a message on facebook from another girl at church. She said she had an extra stash of breast milk in her freezer and she wanted to know if I wanted it. I of course said “YES!” I went and picked it up and it lasted EXACTLY 2 weeks! I felt so blessed : )

We went and picked up another round of milk out of state to last him for a while. He was drinking more milk at this age so we were burning through it fast. Every time I left my out of state milk donors house, I thought to my self, “this time will probably be the last”. I know how much time and effort she put into pumping for Sawyer as well as feeding her own son. I expected her to say she was done with donating any day. However, she didn’t. She said she would like to see Sawyer make it to an entire year on breast milk. Again.... SO GRATEFUL!

Breast Milk For My Baby- Part 1

2011-06-16T04:22:00.001-07:00

From the moment we found out we were chosen to be parents, my research began. We had waited for over 6 years for a baby and when our day finally came, I wanted our child to have the best of the best. I called my friends and asked about the best diapers, best bottles, best soaps, etc. I was a first time Mom and so all of this was foreign to me. I researched cribs, creams, teethers, you name it! I even pediatrician shopped and interviewed different pedi doctors until I found the right one for us! When the time came for my baby shower, and it was time to register, and I knew exactly what I wanted. We went down every isle clicking and scanning away. When we went down the food isle, I realized there was one thing I didn’t research.... baby formula. It hadn’t dawned on my until then, that my baby wasn’t going to have the option to have breast milk. That really bothered me.

My husband and I both have careers in the medical field so we are familiar with the many benefits breast milk has over baby formula. We weren’t opposed to formula, but if it were possible, we wanted our son to have breast milk. We know there are many nutritional benefits & antibody benefits that formula just didn’t have. I kept thinking, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

So my research begins. In my research, I read that adoptive mothers can sometimes breast feed their adopted babies if they took a hormone called domperidone. As soon as I heard this I was at my doctor's office as fast as I could so I could start taking the drug and get a milk supply going. At the doctor's office, I was told that this drug is no longer approved in the United States and if I wanted it, I would have to get it from Canada. One of the side effects of the drug was possible heart problems and having a history of heart problems in my family, we didn’t want to risk it. I read about certain herbal teas and creams that supposedly induced lactation and those were a dead end also. By this point, I had several friends helping me in my research. One friend found a study on induced lactation by stimulation. She loaned me an electric pump and I let the stimulation begin. I painfully “pumped” several times a day for weeks. I even took it to work with me and tried on my breaks! However, sadly it was another failed attempt.

My aunt was the first person that told me about milk donors. She had been a milk donor her self to a local milk bank when she had her son. She told me how some people just have a huge oversupply and either “pump and dump” or donate to milk banks. I called around to local milk banks and asked how much it would cost to purchase it. I didn’t realize that breast milk is pretty much liquid GOLD. I could buy it, however it would cost me $4.50 per OZ! I thought it was CRAZY that they charged that much for this milk when it was in fact DONATED to them. However, it is thoroughly screened and that cost money and then its donated to hospitals. It is given to premie babies and is in very high demand. I’m not a rich woman so that wasn’t possible.

At first, the thought of accepting another Mother’s milk was a little weird to me. I didn’t know if it was safe and it was so foreign to me. I vaguely remembered learning about wet nurses back in the old days so I knew it was something that has been around for decades. Even if I did want to receive donor milk, where would I get it? Who would I ask? How would I know it was safe? It’s just not something I felt comfortable asking pregnant or nursing Mom’s for.

However, when it came to my child, I was willing to get over my pride and figured it couldn’t hurt to ask.That next Sunday, I started taking “inventory” at church ; ) Who was pregnant or breast feeding? Who did I trust enough to trust my child's nutritional needs with. I kept thinking of one lady in particular. She was pregnant and due right around the time my son was going to be born. After a few days, I mustered up to guts to just call her. I had to do it. When I first asked her, there was a very awkward silence and then she said she had to think about it. I didn’t realize that some mother’s find breast feeding to be a very intimate thing thats special just between mother and baby. I wasn’t wanting someone to breast feed my baby, just donate to me if they had extra.

After a few days went by and I didn’t hear from her I felt it was another dead end. I truly felt that I tried EVERY attempt to find breast milk for my baby and feeling very defeated, I was ready to accept my limitations. That night at work, I was working alone in an operating room and I was overwhelmed with sadness. I kept thinking to my self, IF I ever gave birth to a child, I would do whatever it took to find an adoptive mother and offer to donate to her baby.

I was feeling like I was already starting out parenthood on the wrong foot because I couldn’t provide something for my child that to me was sooo important for him to have. I guess that sadness showed outwardly also. One of my co-workers noticed me in my sad mood and asked what was wrong. Feeling kind of embarrassed to tell her, I did it anyways. She completely understood my feelings. She had 2 boys that were both breast fed and she too had a passion for breast milk. I told her how if I was ever to miraculously become pregnant how I would be very compelled to donate to another mother/baby in need because I knew exactly how it felt to not have that option for my child.

Then she said something that I didn’t even think of. She said, “Well Candace, maybe someone feels that same way right now and you just haven't found her yet.” She had a point! But where would I ever find this generous person? So we turned to the internet. Have jokingly, have serious she suggested I looked on craiglist! She said you can find pretty much anything on craigslist ; ) So just for the heck of it we did and guess what, right there on the screen in HUGE bold letters, there was an ad that said “DONATING BREAST MILK”. My jaw dropped!

Wednesday Blogger

2011-06-15T14:43:00.001-07:00

I just wanted you all to know that my friend Elise will be taking over the Wednesday posting slot! It's so exciting and I know all of you know her since she guest posted for me a while back and I know her past post of "Finding Faith in the face of a failed placement" helped so many of you and so many more of you were strengthened by her courage to get back up. I am so excited to read what she has to write on this blog! Please be sure to welcome her. If you want to learn a little bit more about her click here to read her blog!

Just for thought...

2011-06-14T04:58:00.000-07:00

"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience

and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them,

and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the

more precious when they come." -Joseph Smith

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

2011-06-13T04:26:00.002-07:00

RYAN & AMANDA

Ryan and I met in college. Ryan came to visit my apartment one day during the first week of school, and we have been together almost every day since. We have now been married for 8 fantastic years!

Although we do have some separate interests (I love dancing and reading, Ryan LOVES sports – watching, playing, reading about, etc.) we also share a lot of interests and would be happy if we could be together 24/7. We love anything nature – hiking, rock climbing, rappelling, camping, swimming, kayaking, snorkeling, scuba diving, plants, and animals. And we love to travel and find new opportunities to experience nature. We also enjoy playing games and have a closet full of them. But we are most passionate about our families and our faith.

Ryan’s family is on the small side. He has is parents (of course) and two sisters – one older, one younger (they are both single at this point). That’s it – maybe it’s a normal family size, but compared to mine, it is small. I have my parents and 6 sisters; all are married, all have children. So far we have 19 nephews, 6 nieces, and another nephew due the beginning of July. We live within 45 minutes of all Ryan’s family and so get to see them often, which is great. We live about a 2 hour flight from my family or a 20 hour drive. Considering this, we see my family quite about, probably on average 4 times a year. We love spending time with both of our families and are so grateful to be part of them.

We were both raised as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and are grateful for it. We both served missions. And we both having strong testimonies of the truthfulness of the gospel and try to keep our Savior Jesus Christ as the center of our lives.

When we found out about 4 years ago that we would likely not be able to have children without serious interventions we were first shocked and extremely disappointed. But after the shock wore off we realized that it didn’t matter to us how our children came to our family. We wanted whatever children were meant for us, whatever children Heavenly Father chose for us. And we were willing to pursue any options to bring those children to us. We chose adoption when Heavenly Father confirmed to us that that was the way we would receive our children – and we couldn’t be more excited!

We do not resent our infertility. Because of it we have had opportunities we would not have had otherwise. We have met wonderful people we never would have had we not had this experience. Our understanding of and faith in our Savior’s love for us has increased as a result. We have become part of a new community. And because of it we will be able to receive the children meant for us. And so we are grateful.

To learn more about Ryan & Amanda click here

Series to come....

2011-06-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody...I am so excited to tell you that my girl Candace will be guest posting this month! Candace and I are as "we" call Kindred Friends...lol...we have so much in common it is hard to explain. I know her because of adoption! She is awesome and I am so lucky to have a friend like her. I am thankful for that connection we have.

I am so glad that when I asked her she was willing to guest post for me. I know she has worked so hard! Since she has a lot to say on a very important subject that many of you may have questions about but may have no idea of who to ask or feel awkward talking to someone about it...at this point you are probably wondering what is the subject? You will just have to wait...We hope to have it done real soon and you all will love it. We will be having it posted in a series and I am so excited for you all to read...SHE is Awesome...If you would like to have a sneak peak about her...she has a you tube channel and you can click here to visit it. After watching a few of her vlogs you will see why I think she is soooo awesome!

Being ALL IN!!!

2011-06-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

Picture found via online

p.s. I don't promote gambling I just needed the pict...lol

Recently, I have had quite a few people ask me if we are nervous K ( K is our birthmom) will change her mind since K has chosen us to place the sweet little boy she is carrying or ask "well are you sure about everything?"...and all I can think and say is "I am ALL IN." I want our little boy to know that we loved him so much from the start...I don't want him coming to our family and us not have put our hearts into preparing for him 100%. I want K to know that we are "ALL IN" for her. That we care sooo much about her! It is crazy how strongly I already feel about her...and this is probably be cause we are "ALL IN." When thinking of how I should be with her, I have tried to put myself in her shoes and truly think and focus on her...yes this baby boy is what brought us together and is our focus too but she is really my focus right now. If I am focused on her I am focused on him too... If it wasn't for her choosing us, he would not be coming into our family.

I know that before K found us I struggled a little bit with this too...I mean I was worried about what if they end up not liking us or don't like something we say or they are a scam or worst of all, our hearts gets crushed! Then when I was with my adoptive Mom group and we were talking about this...my friend Jaymie said no "we have to be all in"...that baby deserves for us to be!... and then my friend Mandy said some things re: if it is meant to be it will be and if not its not...the part I got out of this is that no matter how things turn out it is important for us to be present in the moment and not be doubtful...Any time we have the fear we must push through with Faith. Faith and Fear can not co-exist. I can't be "ALL IN" with fear present...

Picture found via online

Since having K choose us, I too have felt this fear...it comes alot since it is uncharted territory for us...but I will say that when I have pushed through with Faith it has been to my benefit many times already...now I know that not every thing is like this in life...but the feeling of knowing I was true to me and how I would be if their was NO Fear at all is so much more reassuring...So with that all I can say is that "I am ALL IN"...we should all be "ALL IN" no matter what stage we are in...

Stepping Down

2011-06-09T11:48:00.003-07:00

I have enjoyed the time that I have spent here on this blog. You are all such amazing women- you birth Moms and adoptive Moms. I have been touched by your humility, by your strength, by your willingness to follow Heavenly Father's plan for you and by your patience.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your world for a brief period of time. From now on, I will be letting Deanna do everything for this blog. If any of you feel that you have some extra time on your hands and a special desire to blog about adoption besides your own blog, let Deanna know and she can work things out for you.

I've loved writing and posting on here. Thank you for you all that you do.

In adoption love, Megan

Find Ideas

2011-06-08T07:00:00.001-07:00

To the right we have a survey posted on what things you would like to read about on this blog. One of the main things that you have said (so far) is that you would like some ideas. Well, I have a few.

#1. If you are trying to adopt, try spending at least 15 minutes a day on adoption stuff. Now this could be re-doing your adoption profile, mailing out pass-a-long cards (not the Church pass-a-long cards- waiting to adopt pass-a-long cards!) working on your Parent Profile or writing on your blog.

#2. Make some adoption Goals. I always work harder when I have a smaller sized goal to achieve and feel happy when I do it. Some of these goals can be to buy a pack of newborn diapers, write a letter to your newborn baby this week or give away 15 pass-a-long cards this week.

#3. Recognize things in your life that are time-wasters and avoid them. For me it is facebook. I tend to get on there and then I need to know what everyone has posted. Maybe someone will have posted something and I would have missed it! Giving yourself a time limit or limiting yourself to only a certain time of the day is very helpful. Or cutting it out all together is even an option.

When we are actively working on our adoption- we will see results. Things will get done and we will be happy. Progress is a wonderful, beautiful thing.

These ideas can also be used for couples who have been chosen to adopt as they prepare for their new little one and for Birth Mothers who are preparing to give birth as well.

Good luck, everyone!

Megan

DID You all SEE!

2011-06-07T17:53:00.000-07:00

Brandon and Corrine have ADOPTED! Go check out their blog! He is soooo cute! I am so Happy for you both! How Exciting...and btw this baby is going to be one styling kiddo...love the rockin guitars!!!

Click Here to visit their blog!

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

2011-06-06T04:27:00.001-07:00

Hi! We are Jake and Terri. We met when I moved in next door to Jake. After we got married, we planned to have children right away. Things didn’t go as planned and even after seeing lots of doctors and having fertility treatments, we have not been blessed with biological children.

We had thought about and looked into adoption for a long time. We thought international adoption was right for us. We met with several agencies and went to adoption information meetings. Nothing ever felt quite right. Then my mom was talking to a friend at church. Her friend’s daughter was pregnant and thinking about making an adoption plan. She was willing to consider us so we moved as fast as we could to get the paperwork done and be approved in time for the baby. We were thrilled that we were starting the process and felt strongly that we were doing the right thing. The mom decided to parent, but now we are ready!

We are very excited to be parents and experience all that children bring to a home. We hope to have an open adoption with a birth mom who is a part of our lives. We know the more people that love and care for children the better. Why have a family tree when you can have a family forest!

We have continued to pray and research and learn about adoption. We have met so many wonderful people on this journey. We have received lots of help and have been able to help others on their journey. Friends have passed along our pass along cards. Family has responded to our emails and suggested us to those who are considering adoption.

We are so blessed to have many people praying for us and keeping us in mind. We pray for families that are making and have made the decision to place a child for adoption.

To learn more about us click here...

Being Excited while you wait...and wait...and wait...

2011-06-03T13:10:00.001-07:00

Image via online

This topic has been coming up alot lately in some conversations I have been having with my friends and then in Ashley's post (Make room for me)...sometimes or more like, often times we go through this huge process of getting certified to adopt and then we are like "where is our baby"...we expect it to happen right away...granted it does for some...but most of us we have to wait a time before our baby joins our family. I think it is because we are thinking "ok I have been waiting a long time" (the trying part/dealing with infertility) and we think that as soon as we are certified it is bound to be here...unfortunately, this is not usually the case and that is ok.

Recently, I was speaking to my friend Brielle about this and she had a great way of looking at this...she said "when we get certified it is kinda like we just found out we are pregnant"...or at least we should think about it this way. When someone is pregnant they are EXCITED the entire time! (well maybe not when they are throwing up...lol) They aren't thinking "oh...I have to wait 9 months to see my baby...this sucks" no they are thinking "I am going to go look at baby clothes and not feel weird doing it!" They don't care if they don't look pregnant yet! Like WE.. tend to tell ourselves when we want to shop for the baby we will eventually have.

They don't think "I am not going to get excited about this baby or do a thing to plan until I know the babies sex or they come home from the hospital"...like WE as adoptive couples often do...They are excited for what will come and are glad to have the time to plan...They don't think about all the bad things that could happen...like WE as adoptive couples tend to focus on...When is the last time you heard a pregnant woman say "I hope I don't have a still born...my friend did"...but when was the last time you heard an adoptive couple say "I hope I don't have a failed placement like my friends had to go through, I hope they don't change their mind." They don't walk around with tons of doubts...(yes I know there are some but you know what I mean)...they walk around with the thoughts of assumption of this is good...everything will be ok...they just TRUST...

Now, I know we aren't pregnant but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be excited during the process...this wait is like you are pregnant and the baby hasn't been born yet...we need to act like it. Now, I know if you knew me personally, you would know that I am totally into attracting what I want into my life (law of attraction) and the BEST way to attract what you want is to FEEL the FEELINGS of having it already! A pregnant woman is constantly feeling the feelings of having it now, way before it is visible or she can even feel the baby kick. We also can do lots of things to feel it now...Like Ashley said...start your babies room...shop for baby clothes like you would (No one is thinking "you don't belong here in the baby section"...you know you think this! And hey if you buy boy stuff and you end up with a girl I am sure you know plenty of women at church who will have a boy for those clothes to give as gifts!).

Start to talk as if it is happening...Be happy for your friends that are having babies or have been chosen (I know this one is WAY hard) but you would want them to be happy for you...As my friend Jaymie had said last time I saw her "you will have your day." Let's be present and joyous about these special little spirits that are coming to these families...YOUR baby is coming...

Get involved in something that will help you help others! FSA is an amazing way to get involved and know people that are on this journey you are on...you never know who they will know! My friend Kris' birth-mom actually met my friend Brielle prior and that is how she learned of Kris!

I know that when we help others get what they want, we get what we want and usually it happens when you are not focusing on the "why am I not getting what I want" part. I have to say that for me this Blog came into my life at the perfect moment...I truly love being able to try to help us all in this journey...I love that we have been gaining in our exposure (just google - LDS Adoption and we are on the 1st page!)...this blog is my way of helping others get what they want...I love that I can help you be featured to your possible birth mom or the one that may see your profile and then tell your birth mom! This blog has helped me so much...and has helped me when waiting...I am so thankful for all of you that read this blog and what it has given me...

On the Lord's Timing

2011-06-02T04:44:00.001-07:00

I have hunted for this video because I just loved it so much even WAY before we ever considered adoption...Heavenly Father's plan and timing is ALWAYS what is best for us even when we are like "Please just let this be it Heavenly Father!" He knows what we need and He KNOWS how we need to be prepared to receive it...I know many of us wish it could be His plan but our timing but that isn't how it works is it...We would never feel the overwhelming Joy if everytime we just got what we wanted when we wanted it...We would maybe never want for the things He knows we would really want if we didn't face adversity and struggle...He knows whats best...

Just click here to watch the video...

Who will you adopt?

2011-06-01T08:41:00.005-07:00

picture via online

Today is Wednesday and it's the very first day of June. Happy June, everyone! How is summer treating you? Are you ready to adopt this year? How is the little one you may have adopted already? How are your goals coming along? Just a friendly reminder- Adoption Pass along cards is having a give away! Post a comment and you can win 1000 free pass along cards!!! What a great deal! I love it! Mail them out to your family. Post the pics on your facebook page. Let's get working!!!

The other night I had dream about a sweet little baby boy- his head so warm and soft and fuzzy in my hands. I dreamt about him again two nights later. It was touching. It was surprising. It was a gift from Heaven. A little moment where Heaven Father blessed me with a tender mercy. I am so thankful for tender mercies. I am so thankful for adoption that can allow my dream to become a reality. I know that God knows us. He hears and answers our prayers. He is there for us.

Who will you adopt? Will it be a boy or girl? Will it be an open or closed adoption? Will it be someone you foster Parent and then adopt? Will it be from LDS family services or a different agency? Will it be through Parent Profiles or through a pass along card? Will it be an international adoption? One Heart Bulgaria is a touching non-profit organization that helps provide relief to the orphans in Bulgaria. Adoption from there is an option as well.

Who will you adopt? I know that as we keep our hearts open to the many different options and choices available, we will find the best fit for us. Prayer. Hope. Faith. Love.

Here's to happy adopting,

Megan

I just love this song....

2011-05-31T13:00:00.007-07:00

Many of you have probably heard this song before but many of you might not have...I just love how the song came to be written...you can read about that here if you would like...

FROM GOD'S ARMS TO MY ARMS TO YOURS LYRICS

by Michael McLean

With so many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure.
If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I've been thinking, 'cause it's all I've had to do.
And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.

[Chorus]

And maybe, you can tell your baby when you love him so that he's been loved before.
By someone who delivered your son, From God's arms to my arm's to yours.

Now if you choose to tell him and if he wants to know.
How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors.
And knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours.

{Repeat Chorus}

Now I know you don't have to do this, but could you kiss him once for me?
The first time that he ties his shoes or falls and skins his knee,
And could you hold him twice as long when he makes his mistakes.
Tell him that he's not alone, sometimes that's all it takes -
I know how much he'll ache.

This may not be the answer for another girl like me.
And I'm not on a soapbox saying how we all should be.
I'm just trusting in my feelings and I'm trusting God above.
And I'm trusting you can give our baby both his mother's love.

{Repeat Chorus}

Hoping to Adopt Feature ......... Jared and Devin

2011-05-30T05:31:00.000-07:00

Why Adoption is right for us?

Our adoption story is some what a unique one. When I (Devin) was born, I had what was known as infantile colitis. This made me extremely sick. While trying to diagnose me, the doctors discovered that I have Turner Syndrome. Anyway, due to my medical history, biological children are out of the question. When I told Jared that I had Turner Syndrome, he was so accepting. Not to say he wasn't taken back. Honestly, it did throw him for a loop. Jared came to the realization... that loving me meant accepting this. Jared knew that no matter what that one day we would be an eternal family!

We know there are a lot of sweet spirits that need to be adopted so we choose to receive children into our home this way. Adoption to us is an absolute miracle. For two families to be joined by one sweet spirit, for this infant to be placed in the trust and care of another family, and for the birth family to be able to choose an adoptive couple there is definitely a Higher Being involved. There are no words to describe the feelings that come when adoption is involved. Our feelings for the birth family is indescribable too. To have that type of selfless love, the courage it takes, as well as the strength is incredible and admirable beyond compare. We would be honored to be the adoptive parents for any child that comes from that type of family. We are also licensed foster parents to help the kids that are in need. When the time is right for us, we will also accept foster children.

If you would like to know more about us click here to view our blog...

Adoption Pass Along Cards Launch and Contest!!!!

2011-05-28T04:28:00.015-07:00

**Just click above to visit site**

Hey everyone! Adoptionpassalongcards.com is launching on June 1st ( formerly found at spaces for faces)! If you haven't gotten your pass a long cards yet well here is your chance!

They are going to have a contest. Starting June 1, they will be having a week long contest for a chance to win 1000 cards for FREE!

There are 3 ways you can win for just visiting their site:

(1) comment just for coming
(2) comment that you blogged about it
(3) comment that you posted about them on your Facebook or Twitter

Please note you can only do each thing once but it is still 3 CHANCES to WIN!

**The contest will begin June 1st and run until June 7th at midnight and on June 8th they will be drawing 2 winners who will each win 1,000 pass long cards.**

This is so awesome...they do a great job...they did ours...and I even had her change the colors for me...

Make Room For Me..

2011-05-27T04:51:00.000-07:00

When a family discovers that they are having a baby there are many plans to be made, adjustments, cleaning to be done, furniture to be purchased, conversations to have, rooms to be prepared, hearts to be filled....MANY things take place during the process of bringing a baby into the home. Are you as adoptive families making those arrangements? Are you making room?

I know that many families have a hard time walking past a baby room with no baby, looking at the diapers stacked in the closet with no baby to change, having hope in your heart with no baby to love...BUT if you are not ready in your home and in your heart...your baby may never come.

You need to make room, you need to have a placed prepared, you need to fill that empty spot in your heart, you need to pray for YOUR baby that is coming to you. Live as though you have a baby that is coming into your home. Your mindset is so important. I know that we feel like we wait forever and we live in fear that it will never come...but if and when it does you need to be ready. A baby will change your life, and there are things that you could never prepare for...but the little things should be ready so when that baby comes to you...you have already adjusted, the family is ready and the hearts are filled...so that your baby knows that is has a PLACE with you!

I am so thankful to Deanna and her amazing insight into the adoptive families and support that she has...and as she posted yesterday her thoughts really say it better than anything that I could say here:

"And it came to pass that after I had prayed and labored with all diligence, the Lord said unto me: I will grant thee according to thy desires, because of thy faith. Enos 1:12"

A Room For your Baby:

An empty room can be very loud. It speaks volumes above what a room full of color and furniture can say. You may think that you have time, that you can use that empty space for other things, storage, a craft room, exercise equipment etc. that the room can be used for other things until you know for sure about a baby coming BUT what else could possibly be more important for that space then preparing a place for that baby...for YOUR baby to come home and join your family. Every time you walk by that room, you should smile, you should be saying to yourself "my baby is going to LOVE this room" you should be ready...

When you walk past that room you should know that someone lives there...you should know that they are present in your home.

Do you want your home to feel like this?

Or like this?

When you walk by that room, that little bit of space that you cleared for your baby, you should be able to see that wonderful, happy, healthy, amazing gift from heaven there playing, laughing, filling your home. If your room is empty you will NEVER see it, never hear it...and never feel it.

A Heart For Your Baby:

I have read hundreds of blogs and posts by adoptive families. It can be very hard to read. The pain that the family is feeling can be felt through the words. I know that it can feel that there is no "light at the end" of the tunnel, that your baby is never going to come, that you will never be able to filll the emptiness that your heart is feeling. You must have faith, You must change your heart, You must fill it with love in preparation for your baby to join you...You must be ready. If you let your sorrow fill your heart then there will be no room for the love when your baby comes.

There is nothing in this world that will fill your heart like loving a child, and just like a woman that is preparing to have a baby months and months ahead of time, you can be ready..you can LOVE that baby with all of your heart while you wait. Pray for your baby that is coming to you...KNOW that a baby is coming to you and pray for that baby every single day, pray for that birth-mom who will be bringing a baby into your heart.

I read an article over a year ago from an adoptive mother that prayed for her birthmom to make a mistake, get pregnant and place that baby for adoption. I know it seems crazy, and you don't wish these challenges on anyone but the truth is...without birthmoms, without mistakes, without adoption to correct them..there would be no baby coming to you.

LOVE that baby, love that baby that hasn't come yet...don't let the sorrow of the emptiness of your heart cloud your perspective..change your view..fill your heart. Have a heart that is ready to love your baby! Live the desires of your heart every single day..and if that desire is a baby..live to love that baby...

Make room for your baby in all aspects of your life..be ready for when you get that call. Don't spend your time in emptiness...FILL IT UP!

xoxo,
Ashley Mitchell

Founder, Blessings in a Basket

Words to share...

2011-05-26T07:51:00.002-07:00

So last night I was reading my scriptures and wasn't really thinking about adoption or anything...and then I read this...

And it came to pass that after I had prayed and labored with all diligence, the Lord said unto me: I will grant thee according to thy desires, because of thy faith. Enos 1:12

Isn't that interesting...I mean I know we all know it, but when I read this...I instantly thought of all of us that are on this adoption journey together...I knew I had to share it...I also know that after reading a part of the guest post that will be posted tomorrow (Ashley from Blessings in a Basket will be posting again!)...that I was supposed to read this and share it with you before she posts...It ties in perfect! I can't wait to read the rest of her posting!

Adoption Gift

2011-05-25T02:00:00.001-07:00

via internet

Thank you, Deanna, for your advice on your last blog post! I really believe that if we show exactly who we are in our profiles, our birth Mom will be prompted as to whom she should pick. And from Monday's post, I love the idea of having a party for friends and family when we are certified to adopt and at the year anniversary of when we were certified as well. It shows a lot of hope and a lot of faith and that is awesome.

This past Mother's Day a lot of thought was given to mothering and how to mother. I was especially thoughtful knowing that I would not be pregnant anytime this year, but knowing that adoption is definitely possible. This year even. I found this blog post entitled "Adoption Gift" that made me cry and I wanted to share it with you. Here it is- www.designmom.com Enjoy!

Lots of adoption love, Megan

Details...give details...

2011-05-24T04:04:00.009-07:00

So many of you visited the post I wrote last week Finding your Birth-Mother and Blog Importance that I thought I would write about one more thing....the details!

Something that I have noticed is that many birthmom's notice your details, details are sometimes what makes them know that YOUR Family is THE Family for the baby she is about to have or had...now what do I mean by details...well for starters if you are on Itsaboutlove or Parent Profiles then you should be filling out all the spots that ask about you...now I know you want to be safe and cautious but I don't think listing your favorite color or that your husband likes to hunt will threaten your safety when it comes to a scammer. These details show you care! Also, if you are on parent profiles...there is a place that you can put journal entries in...copy and paste your blog posts from your adoption blog! This tells your birthmom that you actually pay attention to trying to find her and you are working to find her and your baby...I can not stress this enough....

The best way to think about it is to put yourself in her shoes! What would you want to know...what would you want to see...how would you want to feel when you read YOUR profile or blog or birthletter...remember she is a person that is caring for YOUR baby...Love her the way you would want to be loved if you were her.

Now, I know that some birth-mom's have extreme circumstances and might not see your blog or post or they might want a closed adoption but the truth is, that is not the typical birth-mother...Most are women like you...they just are in a tough spot and most if circumstances were different would want to love their babies more than anything in the world...the reason they place their babies is because they love their babies! They love them so much that they will go through the emotional anguish in order to know that their baby has the world and has the most amazing loving parents who can provide so much for their little baby.

This is Your Birth-mother and Your baby that you are trying to find...they deserve that you do EVERYTHING you can to find them...I know that this can be hard if you are struggling with infertility...I struggle with that too as well, but when you are hesitant because you are struggling with that think about WHY you chose to adopt...many of you were prompted...think about that...Heavenly Father will bless you when you do your part...when Faith is exercised Miracles appear...you want to be "all in" to receive the blessing....The Blessing of your Familiy...

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

2011-05-23T09:25:00.015-07:00

Russ and Kylee

Russ and I met through a mutual friend/cousin and were married almost 6 years ago. Within months of being married, we found out we were pregnant. We were ecstatic! Nine months later, our son, Caden, was born. Because we had Caden so quick we never thought that we were going to have any trouble having children. About a year after our son was born, we tried to get pregnant again. After a few months, we found out we were pregnant. We weren't expecting what was going to happen in a few weeks. I started bleeding and cramping, and discovered that we had a miscarriage. We were devastated!

However, we knew it was a common thing so we tried again. After 5 miscarriages in 2 years and lots of infertility testing, we knew we had to try something different. We had thought about adoption many times, but didn't quite feel it was right for our family. When we got to this point, we knew we really HAD to know what the will of the Lord was for our family before we pursued anything else.

One day while I was reading my patriarchal blessing, a phrase in there totally hit me like a brick. I shared it with Russ and we knew it meant that we were supposed to adopt. We prayed and went to the temple, and we both felt that this was how we are supposed to grow our family. We jumped in with both feet! We went to our orientation meeting and started working on all the paperwork, fingerprints, etc.

The day we got approved to adopt and our profile went "live" we felt like it was a victory over all the heartache, devastation and trial. We knew this was what we are supposed to do and we were doing everything in our power to pursue that route. We held an adoption kick off open house and invited all our family, friends and neighbors to come. It was very helpful for them to learn about adoption, what they can do to help us and to feel comfortable talking to us about it.

We took on the role of playgroup coordinators for our chapter of Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) to help us learn more about adoption and to promote a positive view of adoption in our area. We started the play groups (because they weren't having them before) and after a few activities, we now have a good group that goes almost every time. A few months later, they asked us to serve as the co chairs in our area.

After talking and praying about it, we decided to take on that role. Now we are serving as the chairs in our area and have just held our 2nd annual area FSA conference and our 1st annual FSA 5K. We love being involved in FSA because it helps us to make great friends whose lives are also blessed with adoption!

We LOVE being parents and experiencing all the joy that children bring to a home! It is so fun to take Caden to the park, the pool, the library (or anywhere for that matter) and to see him learn new things. He ran in the kids fun run after the 5K, and loved it! We love the outdoors and frequently go camping, hiking, geocaching, etc. We are excited to go on our first family backpacking trip soon. Caden is very excited to adopt and frequently asks us when we are going to have a baby. We have been approved just over a year now and are excited for the opportunity to adopt and for Caden to be a big brother.

To learn more about our family, see our adoption blog click here

Patience...

2011-05-21T04:00:00.001-07:00

LDS Adoption Connection

Saying Goodbye and Links

Keeping Perspective

Answer to Prayers

Sealed

Short and Sweet

Finding Balance on the Adoption Roller Coaster

Knowing You Are Perfect

It's Your Turn Next! (But it Isn't, Always)

Write it Down

Hoping to Adopt Feature!!!

Adoption is Expensive!

Letting Our Birth Mom Live Her Life

Hooray For Elise and Josh!

The "Good" List

Fake Baby

But My Background isn’t in Marketing

Using the Internet

Getting From Here to There

Feeling

How FSA is Saving My Sanity

Looking for two inspired Ladies!

Hope to adopt features!

FSA National Conference

Hoping to Adopt Features!

Thankful for mother's who donate what an adoptive mama usually can't give...

Finding our Family: Adoption

Good Things to Come

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

Did you Hear!!!

blog links...

The raw emothions of Placement - an Adoptive Mom's perspective

Knowing I should say something...

Advocating for Your Adoption

blog bumps

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

Taboo or Empowerment

The Raw Emotions of Placement - An Adoptive Mom Perspective

Back to Reality

DID YOU KNOW!!!

Adoption academy

Saturday, august 6th 8:00 A.M. - 4:30 P.M. 4901 W Union HillsGlendale, AZ 85308

Hoping to Adopt Features!

Fresh Air Fund...

The Raw Emotions of Placement - An Adoptive Mom's Perspective

Thoughts to keep you going!

Just for thought...

A call for Birthfathers...

The Raw Emotions of Placement - an adoptive mom's perspective

Meeting my birthfamily

Have you Heard!

Hoping to Adopt Feature Dan and Emily

Two Miracles through Open adoptions

Question from Tuesday...

Hello to all!

Topics...I want to hear from you...

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

Breast Milk For My Baby - Part 3

Breast Milk For My Baby- Part 2

Breast Milk For My Baby- Part 1

Wednesday Blogger

Just for thought...

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

Series to come....

Being ALL IN!!!

Stepping Down

Find Ideas

DID You all SEE!

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

Being Excited while you wait...and wait...and wait...

On the Lord's Timing

Who will you adopt?

I just love this song....

FROM GOD'S ARMS TO MY ARMS TO YOURS LYRICS

by Michael McLean

Hoping to Adopt Feature ......... Jared and Devin

Adoption Pass Along Cards Launch and Contest!!!!

Make Room For Me..

Words to share...

Adoption Gift

Saturday, august 6^th
8:00 A.M. - 4:30 P.M.
4901 W Union Hills
Glendale, AZ 85308