Friday, March 5, 2010

Adoption doesn't cure Infertility

By Brittany, of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal
email me at queandbrittany@yahoo.com

I remember during our adoption orientation in 2007, the myth of "adoption cures infertility" was brought up. In my mind I kind of got hung up on that because I guess I thought that once we added children to our family, those uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy, frustration, anger, grief and loss would just go away.

And yes, it is true that since beginning the adoption process I have healed a lot, (I was actually OK at church last Mother's Day, and that was even before we met our son's birth mom). I can now go down the baby isle at the store, I can even go to baby showers now without the threat of a panic attack. But there are still times where those old [crappy] feelings crop up.

For me, sometimes it catches me off guard, like when I bought a baby book for Liam. I started filling it out with the normal information (weight and length at birth, etc.) and then I came across things like "Some people say I inherited these qualities from my mommy and daddy: _________." I just sat there and stared at the page. It was just kind of a reminder that our situation was different. I love that adoption is part of who Liam is, but it brought up that familiar hurt... you know, that sometimes I wish that I could have given birth to Liam.  (And of course, I consider Liam to be my son; he just came to our family a different way.)

When stuff like that happens, I have to remember to just take a step back and think of how blessed we've been. The good news is, for me, the bitterness of infertility has faded over time. Even though adoption has not cured those feelings, I think I have learned how to deal with it a little bit better.

And who knows, maybe Liam will "inherit" Que's love for camping and hunting, or my love for books. I'll just have to wait a little longer to fill out that page of his baby book. And that's ok. :)

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1 comment:

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

Let me know if you want to do a guest post! Everyone is welcome. You can be someone who is currently "paper pregnant," someone who is considering adoption, someone who was adopted or a birthparent. We would love all perspectives on adoption!

An Open Adoption Documentary

Adoption Isn't Selfish

Straight from a Birthmom...

The Open Adoption Project via The R House