Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Cold Risotto

Today's guest blogger is Jill Elizabeth from The Happiest Sad.  She is a birth mom who has written for us in the past. I love her blog because she has a way with words and has so many good things to teach the world about adoption.

Today, I have a story for you. It's made-up but I think it's a good story. I promise there's a point to it. Here it goes. (My sincerest apologies if your name happens to be Susan. It's a lovely name.)

Once upon a time, a woman - let's call her Susan - went to a restaurant. Susan was very, very hungry. Some people might have thought she was stupid to go to a restaurant when most people cook for themselves, but that was Susan's business, not theirs, and for one reason or other, Susan was going to a restaurant for dinner.

Susan's waitress was very friendly right off the bat. She made Susan feel welcome and kept her water glass full and took her order and promised it would be out shortly. Excited and, as I said, very hungry, Susan eagerly awaited her risotto. She was so hungry, she thought this risotto was going to be the best thing in the world. As she waited, she had visions of risotto dancing in her head and all she could think of was how happy she'd be once the waitress brought out her dish.

Some time passed, and suddenly the waitress was getting as crabby as Susan was. Finally, after half an hour or more, the waitress slammed down a dish of cold risotto and the bill and stalked away. Susan was stunned. And the risotto, in addition to being rather cold, was quite possibly the most disgusting dish of risotto ever served in the history of food.

Susan was, understandably, appalled. She complained to management. The manager was appalled as well, and tried to explain things. Shortly after Susan's order had been placed, the chef quit. The waitress received a phone call from her boyfriend, who dumped her - on the phone, and while she was at work! The manager assured Susan that her dinner was an exception, not the norm. This was a top-notch restaurant with a good reputation. He offered to comp the dinner and pushed a gift card at Susan in the hopes that she would give them another try and see that their restaurant was not as bad as all that.

But Susan was unable to get past her cold risotto experience. She told every person she knew about it. She blogged about what a horrible restaurant it was, and how no one should ever eat there. When people mentioned to her that they'd eaten there and had a lovely time, she railed at them that they must be stupid not to see what a terrible restaurant it was, and she harassed those people repeatedly and with great force about what a bad decision they'd made. She ridiculed them for their naiveté. She found their personal blogs and left numerous comments about what idiots they were to even consider eating at that restaurant again. In Susan's opinion, this restaurant should be closed down immediately and not allowed to open again until changes were made to ensure that no one would ever be served cold risotto again - in fact, they shouldn't even serve risotto. Susan decided to make it her life's work to speak out against the restaurant, and she couldn't understand why the whole world didn't join in her crusade.

Now, you're probably wondering why on earth I am blathering on about snippy Susan and her cold risotto. Susan sounds like a real piece of work, doesn't she? Because really, who could have such an ego as to assume that if they had a bad experience somewhere, no one else should even consider that place?

Let's change the subject for a second, and then I'll get back to Susan.

Sorry, that's a terrible segue. Here's a better one.

That is an awesome Segway.


I have a great experience with adoption. I think it's wonderful. I might not tell the entire world to eat at this restaurant called adoption, but if I knew someone was hungry and didn't know where to eat, I would certainly tell them to consider eating there. I would tell them about my experience so they would know that, even though it serves up the occasional dish of cold risotto, eating out isn't a hazardous thing. It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

But I have noticed that there are a number of Susans in the adoption world - on-line, in any case, and they are just as snippy and unyielding and very much against the institution that they feel wronged them so much. They got cold risotto. And that's not fair, and I won't argue that point. What I take exception to is these Susans (allow me to apologize if your name happens to be Susan) who go on-line and tell hungry people that they need to learn how to cook because restaurants are inherently wrong. I don't like hungry people being told they're going to get food poisoning if they eat out.

You know what? I can't stop these people. I know there are people out there for whom adoption has not been a good thing. I feel sorry for them. The things that have happened to some people are unfair, wrong, and shouldn't happen to anyone. But I get tired of them insisting that adoption is a bad thing, refusing to believe that it can be an amazing and wonderful thing, simply because it wasn't for them.

Adoption was the best thing in the world for my little Roo. It was the best thing in the world for my mother. And it was the best thing in the world for probably close to 100 little children I can think of just off the top of my head. I'm sure there are countless others for whom it was also the best. We're all happy with our risotto. We are proof that the restaurant isn't a bad place, that the risotto isn't always cold and that, just the opposite, it's frequently the best dish on the menu.

Susan's risotto was bad, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her tell me that my risotto was a mistake and that I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life and that I "lost" my appetite to risotto.

For every horrible, traumatic, food-poisoning story you hear about adoption, there are probably ten thousand stories or the best dinner ever that no one ever tells. Cold risotto makes for good news. A cozy family meal interests no one.

Is adoption always the right, best, most wonderful thing in the world? Nope. Because it involves people, and people are imperfect. But I think each hungry person should be able to decide for him- or herself how best to have dinner.

Would you like to be a guest blogger?  Check out this link to see what we're looking for, and then contact us!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Staying Positive during The Finding Process: Stacey

 Guest blogger Stacey is a mother hoping to add to her family through adoption.  
This is her story of choosing adoption and staying positive during the finding process.

My husband Eric and I have been married for 6 years and have two beautiful little girls. About 2 years ago I started getting that baby hungry feeling again for the third time. My husband and I decided that it was time to extend our family yet again. I have been on medication since I had my little girl Devery (she is almost 3 now). We talked to my Dr. about what our next step would be just to find out that I can not get pregnant while on my medication. I was heart broken. Now what?

After about a month of talking to each other, family, and friends we decided that adoption would be the way. Eric called LDS Family Services in Oct. `09 and our process began. It took us 4 months and a lot of time to get all of our paper work finished and our profile up.February came and there it was. Our profile was up for the world to see.

First month goes by then the second month goes by and the third. The fourth comes and we have an e-mail from a birth parent. We were so excited and couldn't hold back calling our family. Weeks go by and the e-mails stop. Another month goes by. Month five and another e-mail from another set of birth parents and they want to meet us in two days. We are set and ready to go with such excitement.

Then we hear nothing. We call them and nothing. We e-mail and nothing. Here we are at month six and nothing.

Eric and I are so blessed to have the family that we do and are excited to meet our newest addition whenever that may be. Adoption is such a wonderful gift and we are excited to be a part of it.

 What do YOU do to stay positive during the finding process?  If you'd like to be a guest blogger, check out that link to see what we need from you and then email Amanda or Brittany (see upper right sidebar)!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Naivety, Reality and Balance

Until I experienced it myself, I don't think I fully understood what it meant to go through the entire adoption process. (From application to finalization.)

Of course, I quickly learned that it's more than just signing some forms, picking up your baby from the hospital and starting a new life as a new family.

An adoption placement brings to you and your spouse obvious feelings of gratitude, humility, joy, anticipation and pure love for each other, our Heavenly Father, birth parent[s] and of course, your new perfect baby.

But the world of post-placement in an open adoption can also be very, very complicated....  Please read the rest at Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

An Open Adoption Documentary

Adoption Isn't Selfish

Straight from a Birthmom...

The Open Adoption Project via The R House