Monday, May 2, 2011

Finding Faith in the face of a Failed Placement...


Hi! Our names are Josh and Elise. Elise is a part of an Adoptive Mom Group with Deanna, one of the new blog administrators, and she has asked us to share a little bit about our adoption journey thus far.

We have been married for 7 years and trying to conceive for 6 1/2 years. We prayerfully decided to begin the adoption process last August and were officially certified to adopt in December. By the end of January we had heard from four birthmoms and by the second week in February we had been chosen by a birthmom who was due in March. Our friends and family rallied and threw three wonderful showers and we went to work painting and decorating a nursery for the little boy that we were planning to welcome into our family! To make a long story short, the baby was born at the end of March and after 12 days on the craziest emotional rollercoaster of waiting, praying and hoping, the birthmom decided to parent the baby.

It was such a shock, we had not seen this decision coming after all of the communication between us and the birthmom and how supportive her family had been. We were looking forward to bringing the baby home and enjoying all of the wonderful blessings and experiences of an open adoption.  To say we were devastated is an understatement. But, equally surprising to both of us was how hopeful we still felt about adoption being the way we would begin our family. So less than 24 hours later, we put our profile back up and began again the search. It has not been an easy road, because even though we had faith that Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for our lives and that there is still a baby out there that is meant to be in our family, we still have been facing the loss of the baby that we met and held those few days in the hospital. We have a room in our house that is full of tiny little clothes and every item of baby furniture one might need and though we know that it won't go unused, it's still hard not to wonder how long it will be before we will need all of it.
Now, nearly a month has passed and we can honestly look back and see how much our lives have been touched by this experience. We have had the oppportunity to become "Adoption Warriors", advocating for adoption whenever we can, sharing our hope to adopt and expressing to whoever will listen how awesome birthmoms are and what a miracle we believe adoption is. There is so much depth to be found from a failed placement because we were so close to reaching our dreams only to end up right at the beginning, back on the search of finding our birthmom. It's so humbling.

We have learned there is so much comfort that can come through the healing powers of the atonement. We have learned that you also have to allow your Heavenly Father and your friends and family in. Elise has a good friend who just lost her mother tragically and she put things in perfect perspective when she said that really trusting the Lord means that we have faith to trust him with the little things and then we will have no problem turning over the big things. We are so grateful for the opportunity to adopt because when else can you witness the Lord's hand so obviously manifested in your life. We pray daily for our birthmom and the sweet babe that is meant to be in our home and are looking forward to the rest of our journey. Enjoying the journey has taken on a whole new glad we have each other to hold onto while we make it!
If you or someone that you know has experience a failed placement, we are here to listen, have a few shoulders to cry on and can be reached at our blog: Also, feel free to stop on by to find out more about us to or even to learn a bit more about our story. Oh yeah and by the way, we are still hoping to adopt! Tell somebody! It's going to be awesome, we just know it!!!!

Love & Best Adoption Wishes, Josh and Elise 


Clarissa B. said...

you guys are just so awesome!

Stacey said...

Thank you for sharing your story! Adoption is hard for everyone involved in the process but worth all of the heart ache in the end!

Our son was placed with us 8 months ago :)

SmallAdventures said...

As I read through your post I thought to myself "Wow this couple has a great attitude". Failed placements are extremely painful! I have experienced 3 of them. One of them we were on firm hold with the Birth Mother from 7 weeks pregnancy to birth....even traveling up to her state to see her and be there for the ultrasound.
I hope you know how amazing you are to have gone through something so difficult and yet be able to carry forward with faith!
Your loss is known by your Father in Heaven and He has an amazing plan for you. He wants to give us the best gifts! I hope your special little gift comes to your arms very soon!
If you ever need something to talk to...someone who understands the loss you have suffered please feel free to contact me smalladventuresfamily at gmail dot com

Anonymous said...

Our Heavenly Father answers our prayers in so many different ways. If we close our eyes and think for a moment, we may see the answer to our prayers is already in our hands.

An Open Adoption Documentary

Adoption Isn't Selfish

Straight from a Birthmom...

The Open Adoption Project via The R House