Hello, this is Elise. I wrote awhile back about my husband Josh and I's experience with a failed placement. It has been about three months since that happened and we are still actively pursuing adoption, searching for the precious spirit meant to be in our home. It has been a difficult time, full of the whole range of emotions. At times I was angry, sad, disappointed, excited, full of anticipation and hope. It was tough, to say the least. Also it was hard to always be an adoption cheerleader, when inside I was feeling a little disheartened with everything we've been through. I felt like after all the years of trying to conceive, fertility treatment, a miscarriage and lots of nights of crying myself to sleep, that adoption should be a little easier and that I was entitled to have it happen quickly and smoothly. Then, I realized that nothing in life that is worth having happens easily. We experience persecution in all things to make us stronger. Lately, on a good day, I have found myself in awe that Heavenly Father has so much confidence in me, to allow me to have these difficult challenges. That he knows me and that I can do all things with his help. It is amazing what we can get through that we never thought we would be able to.
Adoption is amazing, it is a wonderful miracle that is going to allow us to start our family. However, realitiy is that it's not always glamorous or perfect like it is made out to be on tv or on the some of the adoption blogs out there in blogland. Yes, there are wonderful relationships to be made with birthmoms, women that bond instantly with their new babies, open adoptions that last for long after the child's first birthday with positive communication between the families and children that grow up totally well adjusted to the fact that they were adopted. But, that is not always the case, in fact every adoption is different, just like every family is different. Each experience (even different between each child that you may adopt) will be custom for what your family needs and what the Lord wants for you to go through to make you who you need to become in this life.
Lately, the best thing that one of my adoptive mom friends told me is to go into each new relationship with a birthmom with excitement and joy, anticipating each baby that we have the chance to adopt as though it were the very first. This has been especially helpful after going through a failed placement because it's easy to be discouraged and want to guard your heart. So, as I move forward in my journey to adopt, I go forward with a lot of love in my heart and an overwhelming desire to show our birthom and baby every bit of hope and faith I have to give. I don't expect to have a relationship with our birthmom exactly like any of my friend"s birthmoms because she will be unique to us and what our family needs. I no longer have put a timeline on things because I recognize that my life is in the Lord's hands and he has a perfect plan for my husband and I. I know that he is aware of me and my family. He loves me and really wants the best for me. Each time I come to him in prayer, he wants to bless me with my righteous desires because I am his daughter and he wants me to be happy. But, he knows that I must have opposition to learn and become a strong woman.
I am looking forward to posting more about my journey to adopt as well as things that I've experienced along the way. I hope that the things I will say will help some of you in your journey of building your family! See you next Wednesday, where I will be blogging from Colorado or Wyoming. I am going to go meet my birthfather's family for the first time since I was little. Come on over to our blog if you would like to hear more about us!