The Grieving Process

By Brittany of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal
email me at queandbrittany@yahoo.com

Since grieving is a normal process that affects everyone involved in an adoption, I just wanted to post about the 5 stages of grief.  Not everyone grieves exactly according to this list of course, (some people skip steps, some don't have them at all, some go back and forth, etc.) but I think it's a good starting reference.

(Sorry, I don't mean to be Debbie Downer. LOL  I just know that Que and I didn't realize grieving was normal for a couple facing infertility -and later, adoption- and it would have helped, had I known it was normal.)

Anyway, Que and I have learned that the grieving process can begin to happen to a birth parent (and sometimes their family members) even before the baby is born and can, of course, last long after placement.  Grief can even strike on certain important dates or anniversaries, for example on the date of the adoption finalization, the temple sealing or the child's birthday.  Our adoption caseworker said she knows of a birth mom who grieves on every monthly anniversary of placement.  In our adoption classes, we also learned that birth moms can grieve about their adoption much in the same way a person would grieve the death of a loved one.

To a different degree, some adoptive couples can experience grief and loss while dealing with infertility, and even after placement.  It's important to recognize that grieving is normal and that counseling should be seriously considered (especially for birth parents and even their family members). 

The Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
   
2. Anger.
   
3. Bargaining.
   
4. Depression.
   
5. Acceptance.
    

PS: Here is another article on grief that was passed on to me.