Conversation Starters: Meeting your Birth Mom

By Brittany of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal
(please do not re-publish any of this material on your blog)


June 23rd was the first anniversary of the day we met our son's birth mom for the first time.  It was on a Tuesday afternoon that we met her at her LDS Family Services agency location (we go to a different location).  We met in a large room with couches and the meeting was between my husband and I, our birth mom, our 2 caseworkers and our birth mom's friend.  I really liked having the caseworkers there to help get things moving, but once we found a topic that we had in common, our conversation just took off!

Every adoption is different, and some adoptive couples never meet their child's birth mother, but if the opportunity arises, here are some helpful conversation starters!  (Of course, the age of your birth mom will determine a lot of the questions, but here are a few to get you thinking):

• How many brothers or sisters do you have?
• Which movies are your favorite?
• Where did you grow up?
• Do you have pets?
• Do you have a favorite actor?
• What is your favorite food?
• Do you have a hobby? Do you collect things?
• Do you have college plans? 
• What is your favorite book?
• How have you been feeling? 
• Do you get crazy pregnancy cravings?
• What do you do in your free time?
• Do you like outdoors activities?
• What was/is your favorite class in school?

Some topics may be sensitive, so be cautious about bringing up the following things (or let the birth mother or adoption caseworker bring them up):

•  Details about her home life
• Asking too many baby-related questions (focus on getting to know her)
•  Prying for information about the birth father (he may have left her on bad terms, the pregnancy may be a result of a rape, he may be incarcerated, etc.)

 Remember that the purpose of the first meeting is to get to know each other, so try to relax and have fun!