Friday, July 15, 2011

Taboo or Empowerment

Picture via online

The other night my husband and I were out to dinner with another couple and the topic turned to our adoption.  As usual we were talking about how it was going and they were asking questions...then they brought up that they knew a family member and their spouse that had been stuggling with infertility and considering the possability of adoption.  They said how it was hard to relate for them to their family member since they themselves have never had a struggle in this arena...I respected that...It takes alot to realize you don't know how it feels and to admit you don't know what to say.  They also mentioned how this family member didn't really know anyone in this arena...

It was so interesting how I felt so alive speaking openly about adoption and our journey with it thus far...now a year ago I wouldn't have known what to say and would have felt embarrassed or awkward to talk about it.  It is crazy how time and awareness changes us.  I felt like I just wanted to reach out to their family member and hug them and tell them it was going to be ok...That God has a plan for their family and if adoption is the way that is going to happen, then I want them to know where to look and help them to know others who have been where they are and felt what they have felt too...

When we first decided to adopt, we knew nothing, we had family that adopted but that was like 20 yrs ago and it was closed and adoption is so different now, and then we had like one couple friend who had adopted but at the time it wasn't like they were our best friends ya know...I just feel that if I had only had someone to help me along at the begining to know it was ok...to encourage me to be proud of the fact that our child was going to come through adoption...that God was in charge...that it wasn't taboo to talk about...that I wasn't the only one to feel weird at first to talk about it, it would have helped me soooo much at the beginning...

**disclaimer - now yes I know I have lots of friends now that are amazing but sometimes we really need somebody to get really real with us and tell us the raw stuff and help us be strong...or at least maybe "I" just did...but again I can't possibly be the only one...

I have decided that THIS is a topic I wish adoption conferences spoke more about!  ADOPTION EMPOWERMENT (How to feel about Adoption - How to talk about it with others at the "beginning" - How to be proud and Excited in the Beginning and not be scared or feel weird).  How much easier would it have been for you if you had others to really sincerely help you in the beginning to be ok with it...to not feel like a failure since this is your path...that this was God's plan for your family right now and to help you be proud to talk with others not feel ashamed.  I know I struggled sooo much with this at the beginning and I know it does take time to come to terms with things but I also feel that when we have strong friends and guides, it makes everything all the much better :-)

2 comments:

Stacey said...

Thanks for this post. You are not alone. I felt the same way for a long time. Most everyone that I would talk to would only bring up the fear of adoption. Instead of talking about the joy I would feed into their questions that I could not answer.

Becca said...

Thanks for this post! My husband and I have been back and forth about possibly adopting and I decided it would be nice to find others who are going through/ or have been down that road to adoption. And I feel even though we've not started the process its an interesting place to be, not knowing who to talk to or how to express what it is that we are going through. As a matter of fact the last time we brought it up with my in-laws they, more specifically my father in law, acted disgusted almost like why would you want someone else's baby. So I think your idea to have some sort of Adoption Empowerment group or something of the sort would be really great!

An Open Adoption Documentary

Adoption Isn't Selfish

Straight from a Birthmom...

The Open Adoption Project via The R House