Monday, February 20, 2012

You could hear a pin drop...

Not sure if anyone is still out there, checking in on this site, but I have been looking in every once and awhile, feeling guilty that I haven't posted and then ducked back out. My life has been turned upside down and inside out all for the better since our son was placed in our home in September of last year.

 It has been a whirlwind and now that he is 5 months, rolling all around and we are getting into more of a routine, I feel almost ashamed to have not shared the miracle of his adoption and placement with all of you who can relate and those of you needing so desperately to hear a success story to keep pushing you forward in your journey to adopt.

 After having a failed placement last March, I was hesitant with my feelings and found it hard to believe that this baby we were waiting for in September would actually become a part of our family. Also, I think in a way, once we brought him home, I was afraid to jinx it because of how good everything was going. I didn't want to talk about it too much and have something fall through. So, I just tried to relax, enjoy the time with our new little one, count down the days until it was official both in the legal sense and eternally as well.

Our beautiful baby boy was born Sept. 9th and we finalized his adoption on November 19th and had him sealed on November 26th. It was so awesome to stand before a judge and be told that we are in all sense of the word, his "parents". Then, to be able to take him to the temple and see him dressed in white and have him sealed to us was just....amazing, wonderful, thrilling, not sure which word fits best but I think you get the point! It has been an adjustment being home with him after being an elementary teacher for the last four years but it has been one that I have welcomed after wanting to be a mom for so long. It has been an adjustment in every way that people usually adjust to being new parents.

Also, it has been an adjustment learning how to become an adoption advocate in a new way by sharing the story of how our son came into our family. I have been trying to do it in a way that helps others around us understand adoption and why we chose to do it.

However...I hope I can explain this right, without offending. In the beginning, all I wanted to do was tell the whole world how proud I was to have adopted our son (I really am) , how amazing his birthmom is (she totally is amazing, seriously!) and how we just loved every second. But then, slowly as time went on, I began to feel worn out telling strangers at Walmart or the cashier at Target about him being adopted because they would ask crazy questions that made me feel less excited to tell and more sensitive about my infertility. I realized that telling about the adoption, meant also confessing to being infertile because that is just what people assume is the reason we adopted and even though it is part of the reason, I didn't want to rehash all my fertility pain, I just wanted to share how awesome adoption is. So I am still trying to find the balance between being an adoption advocate and accepting compliments politely and taking credit for this little tiny guy as my son without feeling the need to have a deep discussion about adoption/my ovaries in the produce section with the old lady picking out bananas next to me.
I'm not going to quit trying to talk about it though. Because I know that adoption is an awesome thing, it has blessed my life more than I could have ever imagined and I want to educate people on the right language and questions to ask. But I have to learn the right way and the right people to tell and the more I practice in the right settings, the better advocate I will be.
Well, hope that this has helped someone, or at least entertained. And now I will leave you with a picture of my little guy because he always puts a smile on my face so hopefully he can do the same for you. :)
And if you want to read more about his birth and placement story, head over here 

Love, Elise


Chow said...

What a cutie! Congratulations!!!

Annie said...

he is adorable! congrats.

with our baby it is obvious he is adopted. i thought the questions, before he came to us, couldn't get anymore crazy as to why we didn't have children. the questions we get now just make me laugh. and the comments. i have had to learn to laugh at them so they won't drive me insane!

so glad you posted. i love hearing other people's stories. we all have unique experiences!

Pink Panda said...

So thrilled for you and yes, that face makes me smile! Hopefully we'll have one some day too! Megan

k said...

The couple that adopted my baby struggled with this too. He was their second adopted child, so most of their friends and neighbors knew the situation. Right after I had O (he went home from the hospital with them), Mrs S would get stopped ALL the time and told how great she looked for having a newborn! She said that occasionally she'd correct them, but most the time she'd just smile and laugh inside.

You ARE your son's mom, and you can definitely take credit for it without lessening the credit his birthmom should get. There's a time to tell and a time to stay quiet :) Good luck figuring it all out!

Anonymous said...

I like hearing stories! We are at very start of the process and have not had the privilege of personally meeting a family that's gone thru the whole process yet thank you for sharing and I am sure I'll have the same difficulty as when to share stories of adoption and infertility . Lauren ( :)

Deanna said...

thanks for posting this Elise...I love the honesty!

An Open Adoption Documentary

Adoption Isn't Selfish

Straight from a Birthmom...

The Open Adoption Project via The R House