Thursday, August 9, 2012

Guest Post: Amber

So last year I attended the Southwest FSA conference and while I was there I met Amber and her hubby who were just starting out on their adoption journey. Amber wrote an awesome post this week on her personal blog. It was about the questions she is asked about their open adoption with their birthmom and I asked her if she would share it with the readers of this blog. Here is a brief intro:

"Hi my name is Amber, I am 27 years old and a new mommy through the miracle of adoption.My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I am an advocate for adoption! I love spending time with my husband and baby. I enjoy creating new things, blogging, and seeing a good movie. I am just an ordinary girl living an extraordinary life."

Here is the post:

Candace & Amber
When D turned 2 Months old we had a special visit from his birthmom. Oh goodness we were SO excited to have her at our house, and look forward to many more visits over the years. Like I have said before, I love this girl, she gave my son life <3 and she is everything to me. We had a fun time together like we always do :)

D loves his Birthmomma

I know open adoption is a foreign language to many, but things have changed-most private adoptions are open. It is for good reason - is better for all parties involved. Because of my "situation of becoming a mom through open adoption" I have had multiple people ask/say to me things like this:

1. Isn't it weird to still talk to your son's birthmom?

No, it is not. Why would it be? We became close and bonded during her pregnancy, and can you imagine the connection I have to this beautiful soul who gave birth to my son? She is our own angel. Not to mention one of the only people who loves my son as much as I do. It is a joy in my day to talk with her about her own life, and to share what we are doing as well. She is my sister and friend.

2. Isn't it hard for his birthmom to see him or see pictures of him that you post on fb, instagram?

I cannot speak for my son's birthmom and birthdad, but I feel that this is not "hard" for them, instead I think it is reassuring to them, to see him growing, being healthy, happy, and loved. I think it brings them comfort knowing what a joy, treasure, and blessing he is to us.

3. Aren't you worried she (birthmom) will try to "take him back"?

No, I am not worried. This is probably the most frustrating question.... I KNOW my son's birthmom - birthdad and I know their families, I know how they feel about my son's placement with us. I trust them FULLY. AND.....not to get technical, but there are legal steps taken to place our son in our home one being that parental rights are terminated in front of a judge. His birthparents knowingly did this to ensure our son's placement in our family. They want him to be with us!

4. Are you worried about his birthmom "bonding" with him?

No. I am not worried. Why on earth would I (having an 'OPEN' adoption) be so closed minded? My son's adoption is not a secret, to him or to anyone for that matter. Derrick will be taught to love his birthmom because she gave him life. She is a wonderful person, and Derrick will know who she is, and know that because she loves him, she placed him with our family.

5. She (birthmom) must have a rough life to give up her baby

Although there are some women that do have a 'rough life', please do not assume that ALL women who place their baby for adoption are in that catagory. Not only is it an assumption, it is hurtful and puts me on defense mode. I LOVE and ADORE and ADMIRE my son's birthmom. She is extremely mature for her age and honestly has it together more than a lot of people my own age. She knows what she wants to do with her life, she is smart, and she made a decision for her son's best interest - a selfless act that took a lot of careful thought, consideration, prayer, and courage. And please don't use the word "GIVE UP" when referring to adoption. It is so hurtful, my son was lovingly "placed" and his birthparents did not give up on him or give him up.

I hope I have been able to encourage positive thinking towards open adoption. I want to show that open adoption has brought happiness to our family. And to share some insight into this beautiful place I find myself in an OPEN and LOVING adoption. <3 <3 <3"

Isn't she awesome? What a great adoption advocate. I'm hoping she will be joining us as a guest blogger again in the future! Thanks Amber! To read more about Amber's family, check out their blog at -Elise

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