Hello! My name is Brittnee and I’m so excited to write for you every Tuesday. My husband and I have been married for over 6 years and have been hoping to adopt for a little over a year. We have a dog named Boomer, just purchased our first home, and are still working towards our college degrees! If you want to know more about our crazy life you can check us out here, but don’t mind the mess.
Having only been in the adoption world for a little while now, I’m quite a novice. Because of this, I’m hoping that as I share and educate others, I might learn and grow myself. Bear with me.
Today, I’m going to talk about what I’ve learned on my journey. Because this has been personal to my experience, it might not work for everyone but it’s something worth sharing, all the same.
I've learned, and am continuing to learn, it is ok to feel.
No matter what grief or upset comes in one’s life, we feel like we have to trap it in a box just to survive. We feel alone and we feel ashamed for hurting. We justify that no one can understand how we are feeling and we become afraid to talk about it. We forget that hurting is human, feeling is human, and we are human. That’s not to say that is easy to allow ourselves to hurt, but it can pay off in the end, if we can only empower ourselves. We were chosen to adopt. There is something in you that makes you strong enough to face the ups and downs and Heavenly Father knows that.
In order to benefit by our trials, we should treat our pain and suffering more like muscles, the more we break them down the stronger and better they become. We can grow from our trials if we allow them to transform us through the hurt and sorrow. Remembering that without hurt and sorrow there is no joy can help on the darkest days.
Because much of our experience is searching and waiting, completely relying on the Lord’s timeline, we forget to enjoy the experience. Adoption is a beautiful, miraculous thing and we should LOVE it! I actually once wished everyone could experience the wonderful thing that is adoption, but I’ve come to appreciate that it is a unique experience given to those of us who have suffered. It is a blessing, it is a reward for our perseverance through infertility, and it is our right to feel excited and unsure just as any new parents might.
Even though it may hurt, even though a placement may not happen like planned, it’s okay to prepare. It’s okay to feel the joy and excitement. Plan a baby’s room. Paint those walls; paint colors can always be changed. Buy that onesie you absolutely adore and have been eyeing for months. Pick out names and then pick out some more. Live your lives as if that child is only a moment away. It won’t be easy every day. Walking by an empty room might stir up emotions, but seeing those beautiful colors and little furniture might also spark hope in your hearts. Pray for your baby and your birth families. Pray for peace. Most of all, feel the emotions. Embrace them in your heart and take a chance to grow and love your situation. Do what feels comfortable for you but if I can get you to do one thing, I’d plead with you to talk about it. Make friends. Find support. Teach people about the adoption process. Be involved.
Just as every pregnancy and every child is different, every adoption is different. We all will face our own trials, pain, joy, etc…, but we can band together as an adoption community, gain strength from one another, and share in the beauty and miracle that is adoption.
I look forward to writing for you every Tuesday! If you'd like to hear about certain topics, have questions, or would just like to make another friend in the adoption world you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or just comment below.