Adoption Mythbusting

by Brittany of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal

Here are some more adoption myths.  (These were printed on a flyer that came with our orientation packet when we went to LDS Family Services for the first time.  I don't know how else to cite the origin.) Anyway, I think a lot of people out there hold on to these myths, so let's do some adoption mythbusting!

• Children who are placed for adoption are not wanted by their birth parents.
  
• Birth parents can come back and take away my adopted child.
• Adopted children are more likely to have mental and emotional problems.
• Adopted children should be spared the stigma of adoption by not telling them they are adopted until they are old enough to understand.
• Adopted children and birth parents never get over the loss of separation from each other.
• It is in the best interests of all parties that adoptions be completely closed.
• Children should always be placed with families of the same ethnicity.
• Only wealthy couples can adopt children.
• Adoption cures infertility.

Be sure to check out the links embedded in this post.  To read more adoption myths click here to read a list from ItsAboutLove.org, and click here to read a list of some of my own.

Conversation Starters: Meeting your Birth Mom

By Brittany of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal
(please do not re-publish any of this material on your blog)


June 23rd was the first anniversary of the day we met our son's birth mom for the first time.  It was on a Tuesday afternoon that we met her at her LDS Family Services agency location (we go to a different location).  We met in a large room with couches and the meeting was between my husband and I, our birth mom, our 2 caseworkers and our birth mom's friend.  I really liked having the caseworkers there to help get things moving, but once we found a topic that we had in common, our conversation just took off!

Every adoption is different, and some adoptive couples never meet their child's birth mother, but if the opportunity arises, here are some helpful conversation starters!  (Of course, the age of your birth mom will determine a lot of the questions, but here are a few to get you thinking):

• How many brothers or sisters do you have?
• Which movies are your favorite?
• Where did you grow up?
• Do you have pets?
• Do you have a favorite actor?
• What is your favorite food?
• Do you have a hobby? Do you collect things?
• Do you have college plans? 
• What is your favorite book?
• How have you been feeling? 
• Do you get crazy pregnancy cravings?
• What do you do in your free time?
• Do you like outdoors activities?
• What was/is your favorite class in school?

Some topics may be sensitive, so be cautious about bringing up the following things (or let the birth mother or adoption caseworker bring them up):

•  Details about her home life
• Asking too many baby-related questions (focus on getting to know her)
•  Prying for information about the birth father (he may have left her on bad terms, the pregnancy may be a result of a rape, he may be incarcerated, etc.)

 Remember that the purpose of the first meeting is to get to know each other, so try to relax and have fun!

The Genetics of Adoption

By Brittany of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal

When you have an adopted child, lots of people will want to tell you the following things:

1. They know of a woman who got pregnant soon after adopting a child. (I know of several, too.)
2. Your adopted child looks just like you and/or your spouse.(And then they'll give you other examples of people they know who adopted children who look just like them too.)
3. Said physical "resemblance" is the proof that the baby was meant to be in your family. (I don't believe that, but that's for another blog post entirely.)

I've had many many people tell me that Liam looks like Que.  I don't see it.  And at first I wondered if people were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. (If that's not why you told me that, I apologize, and please don't be offended.)

But then I started to think about the notion of Liam having Que's eyes.

And I agree.  No really.  I do.  

Liam has Que's eyes.
And I have photographic proof.

And sometimes Liam even has his nose.

Ah, the genetics of adoption.  :)
Maybe I'll put that in his baby book.