So many of you visited the post I wrote last week Finding your Birth-Mother and Blog Importance that I thought I would write about one more thing....the details!
Something that I have noticed is that many birthmom's notice your details, details are sometimes what makes them know that YOUR Family is THE Family for the baby she is about to have or had...now what do I mean by details...well for starters if you are on Itsaboutlove or Parent Profiles then you should be filling out all the spots that ask about you...now I know you want to be safe and cautious but I don't think listing your favorite color or that your husband likes to hunt will threaten your safety when it comes to a scammer. These details show you care! Also, if you are on parent profiles...there is a place that you can put journal entries in...copy and paste your blog posts from your adoption blog! This tells your birthmom that you actually pay attention to trying to find her and you are working to find her and your baby...I can not stress this enough....
The best way to think about it is to put yourself in her shoes! What would you want to know...what would you want to see...how would you want to feel when you read YOUR profile or blog or birthletter...remember she is a person that is caring for YOUR baby...Love her the way you would want to be loved if you were her.
Now, I know that some birth-mom's have extreme circumstances and might not see your blog or post or they might want a closed adoption but the truth is, that is not the typical birth-mother...Most are women like you...they just are in a tough spot and most if circumstances were different would want to love their babies more than anything in the world...the reason they place their babies is because they love their babies! They love them so much that they will go through the emotional anguish in order to know that their baby has the world and has the most amazing loving parents who can provide so much for their little baby.
This is Your Birth-mother and Your baby that you are trying to find...they deserve that you do EVERYTHING you can to find them...I know that this can be hard if you are struggling with infertility...I struggle with that too as well, but when you are hesitant because you are struggling with that think about WHY you chose to adopt...many of you were prompted...think about that...Heavenly Father will bless you when you do your part...when Faith is exercised Miracles appear...you want to be "all in" to receive the blessing....The Blessing of your Familiy...
1 comment:
I think the biggest thing in the "details" is to just write what you feel is right. PLEASE do NOT try to be the 'perfect' family. Every couple has its quirks, and it's usually something like that that makes you unique. The best advice I can EVER give to prospective adoptive couples is: As a birthmother, I wasn't looking for the perfect family. I was looking for the perfect family FOR MY CHILD. It's the little things that matter. I decided on my couple because they wrote in their letter that they 'adored each other.' A statement like that may have not stood out to most birthmothers, but pregnant and feeling entirely alone, the one thing I wanted my son to have more than anything was love and adoration. And that was the kind of relationship I wanted in my own future for my own kids. I don't know why my couple wrote that in their letter, but I'm so glad they did.
What I mean about not being perfect is-- Don't be someone you're not. I'm glad they wrote about themselves in a positive light, don't get me wrong. I don't think you should write that your husband doesn't put the toilet seat down and you sometimes don't get dressed until 2 in the afternoon. Write all the good things-- but don't be someone you are not. Birthmothers are looking for REAL people to raise their child in a REAL way. So be yourselves-- the good version of you, but not the edited to be perfect version. Write what feels RIGHT.
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