A week or so ago, I was browing through the local FSA Facebook page for my area and saw a post by an up and coming musician, asking for bloggers who would like to feature her as a guest blogger and in return the readers of the blog would receive a free download of her new adoption themed song "A Better Plan." Well, I jumped on the opportunity to have her on LDS Adoption Connection because I wanted all of you to be able to hear her beautiful song and to support her in her efforts to advocate for adoption through music. So, without further ado, here's Lundyn:
Consider Adoption: A Better Plan
The other day I was
at the mall and stopped to let my daughter play in the children’s area for a
while. I was surprised at the number of teen mothers I saw playing in there
with their babies. I was proud of them for choosing to give that child life yet
I was struck with sadness that they were missing out on things that were
essential not only for their own growth but for the well- being of their child.
This is true for any young woman of any age that finds herself pregnant and
alone. I wondered why these girls chose to parent over adoption and wondered if
there is really that much education about the benefits of adoption.
I just happened to
pick up an old magazine that surfaced in a recent move and started reading an
article on adoption and the healing that had come into all the lives of those
involved, including the birthmother, through the adoption process. I wondered
why isn’t this perspective more advocated in the media and then the lyrics of a
song just started pouring into my mind, that out of the struggle there was
indeed a better plan, not only for the baby, but for the young woman.
When my daughter was first placed in my arms I imagined a life of
constant laughter, sweet kisses and hugs, dressing her up, having an instant
friend that loved me unconditionally, fun play dates at the park, and cute
pictures and crafts that covered my fridge. Everyone around me was so excited
for my new life and all the joys it would bring. I was so excited for all of
these moments. And I’ve had them and each memory is cherished and loved and I
look forward to creating more of them. But what people seem to fail to mention
was the sleepless nights, endless poopy diapers, what to do when the crying
never seemed to stop, and as they grow older, still sleepless nights, new
messes of toys, picky eaters, the constant demand of my attention, no privacy
in the bathroom, and I don’t think I’ve ever been able to sit and enjoy a meal
without having to get up 10 times to get one more thing demanded by a sweet 3
year old. Even as I write this I am having things placed on my head and being
barraged with questions, and demanded that I come and get breakfast for her
RIGHT now!
Don’t get me wrong, I
absolutely LOVE being a mother, but there is no way I could do this without the
help of her dad, one amazing husband. With his help in raising our vibrant and
beautiful daughter I have still been able to get some me time, continue my
education and pursue my music career. Without him I would not be able to
function as the loving mother my daughter needs me to be. I would not be able
to still be me! Every woman and mother deserves that. Every mother needs a
break, a time to rejuvenate, and pursue their hobbies and passion that allows
them to continue their own growth and development. It’s not selfish, it’s
essential! I am a better wife and mother because I am able to take this time
and despite the daily demands still feel like a sexy, vibrant, beautiful girl.
Not only do I deserve this, but so does my daughter, in fact it is essential to
her well-being. Her happiness is increased by the security of the home we
offer, both of us being able to give her love and meet the demands of a growing
child. Now I recognize that this is not always possible and I honor and respect
those single parents out there. I honestly don’t know how they do it.
I’m not about condemning or
judging those who have chosen to parent or even those that chose abortion. For
me it’s about creating the awareness of the positives of adoption for those
currently still making the decision. Helping them to make an educated decision
what is right for their life and their baby. My hope is that by listening to my
song A Better Plan people will truly
come to understand that adoption really is about love; A truly heroic act. And that while the pain of giving up your
child for adoption is heart wrenching and excruciating in the moment, there is great
healing in the selfless act of giving your child to a loving couple that can
give your baby more than you can at this given moment in your life. And though
abortion may appear to solve the perceived immediate problem providing instant
relief, it brings with it a burden you alone carry for the rest of your life.
Curtis J Young of the
Family Research Council says, “Rarely
does an unmarried pregnant woman stop to consider the tremendous cost and
responsibility of choosing single motherhood. Successful child-rearing, while
greatly rewarding, is also very demanding, even for two-parent families. It
requires a great deal of time, self-sacrifice and financial expense.” In her book For the Love of a Child, social
worker Monica L. Blume points out, “Almost every birth mother I have ever
seen who is choosing to single parent believes she will be one of the very few
who beat the odds.” Many of these unwed mothers count on the
father remaining fully involved or on having their own father help raise the
child. And many single mothers hope to eventually get married. Unfortunately,
such hopes are not often realized. And many unwed mothers find that single
parenthood is much more challenging than they expected. Studies have shown that
single mothers have higher rates of illness, have less social involvement, and,
if they are teenagers, are less likely to eventually marry than those who place
their babies for adoption.”
Some may view placing a child
for adoption as “abandoning” that child. But adoption is not
abandoning your responsibility. It’s taking more responsibility.
It is truly taking care of your own, because you’re saying, ‘I can’t give this
child what he or she needs, but someone else can.’
To echo Curtis Young, “Adoption
is not a breaking of trust but a keeping of faith, not an abdication of responsibility
but an act of redemption, not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of
self for a baby’s sake.” As I wrote in the song A Better Plan, ‘Sometimes love
comes at a cost we don’t understand, and you have to trust someway, somehow,
it’s part of a better plan. -Lundyn
Lundyn Rae is a country singer from Gilbert Arizona empowering lives to greatness through music.
Go to www.lundynrae.com and
enter the code ADOPTION1 to get your free download of the song A Better Plan.
