Adoption Books

By Brittany of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal
email me at queandbrittany@yahoo.com

Here are some cute adoption-related books that I've been interested in buying (although I already have the Michael McLean book). 

From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours by Michael McLean
(it comes with a CD)

I Wished for You by Marianne Richmond

Tell Me Again about the Night I was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis

God Found Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren

Blog post idea:  Are there any LDS (fiction or non-fiction) books on adoption that you like? (They don't have to be children's books.) 

[To post a comment, click on the title of this blog post and then scroll down.  I don't know what's going on with blogger, but that's the only way they're showing up right now.  Sorry.] 

You are Not Alone (Speaking to Sisters Hoping to Adopt)

by Amanda (wishes4happiness at gmail dot com)

I am feeling prompted to write about how alone you can feel when you are unable to have children the "usual" way. I remember those nights when I would cry because I felt like my prayers weren't being answered. I felt like a miracle should just happen and I would be pregnant. That didn't happen. Instead I was inspired to start looking at different adoption agencies and pray more. Finally we made the decision to look at Foster Care. Everything felt right.

When we went to classes there were so many other couples there. It was about that time that I started blogging. I think it was the best thing to happen to me at that time. Reading other's blogs about infertility really helped. Others were able to put into words the exact way that I was feeling.

One of my biggest fears going into adoption was "What if I'm rejected?"

These feelings came all too easy because of our education and income.

When we were accepted by Foster Care I decided to make this website. It made me feel more at peace and added to the feeling of not being alone. When I see so many of your profiles it tells me that you are people who have gone through a lot of the same feelings I have. It tells me that I am not alone in my feelings. It tells me that while I see so many sisters at church announcing their second or third child, I have my sisters here who have walked in my shoes. I have my sisters here who know how hard it can be to go to a baby shower and want to run for the door. I have my sisters here who may just end up in a mood for a few days when they find out yet another friend or family member is pregnant. We are not alone here.

There are many blogs and profiles in the sidebar here. If you ever feel alone just go through the sidebar to see that you are not.

Adoption doesn't cure Infertility

By Brittany, of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal
email me at queandbrittany@yahoo.com

I remember during our adoption orientation in 2007, the myth of "adoption cures infertility" was brought up. In my mind I kind of got hung up on that because I guess I thought that once we added children to our family, those uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy, frustration, anger, grief and loss would just go away.

And yes, it is true that since beginning the adoption process I have healed a lot, (I was actually OK at church last Mother's Day, and that was even before we met our son's birth mom). I can now go down the baby isle at the store, I can even go to baby showers now without the threat of a panic attack. But there are still times where those old [crappy] feelings crop up.

For me, sometimes it catches me off guard, like when I bought a baby book for Liam. I started filling it out with the normal information (weight and length at birth, etc.) and then I came across things like "Some people say I inherited these qualities from my mommy and daddy: _________." I just sat there and stared at the page. It was just kind of a reminder that our situation was different. I love that adoption is part of who Liam is, but it brought up that familiar hurt... you know, that sometimes I wish that I could have given birth to Liam.  (And of course, I consider Liam to be my son; he just came to our family a different way.)

When stuff like that happens, I have to remember to just take a step back and think of how blessed we've been. The good news is, for me, the bitterness of infertility has faded over time. Even though adoption has not cured those feelings, I think I have learned how to deal with it a little bit better.

And who knows, maybe Liam will "inherit" Que's love for camping and hunting, or my love for books. I'll just have to wait a little longer to fill out that page of his baby book. And that's ok. :)

[To post a comment, click on the title of this blog post and then scroll down.  I don't know what's going on with blogger, but that's the only way they're showing up right now.  Sorry.]

Wait vs. Find

By Brittany  
email me at queandbrittany@yahoo.com

When we had been approved as a hopeful adoptive couple, people would ask us about being on "the waiting list." They would ask how long it was going to take for us to be at "the top of the list." The truth is, as you know, adoption through LDSFS didn't work that way. I guess there is a "list," in the sense that you can click here and search through LDSFS profiles of hopeful couples, but because it is the birth mothers who choose who the parents of their child will be, no couple has "priority" over another.

This means that some couples will be chosen with in a matter of weeks or months of being approved, while others might be chosen after years of being approved.

Because of this, as a hopeful adoptive couple, you should not rely only on your online profile to connect you with your birth mother.

In fact, even though our birth mom was going to LDSFS for adoption counseling, she did not use their itsaboutlove.org website to search for prospective parents for Liam. For her situation, she felt she needed a personal recommendation. In fact, she met with several couples before meeting us; couples that were referred to her by people she knew.

This is where the "Wait vs. Find" mentality comes into play.

W - What If?
A - Anxious
I - Insecure
T - Tense

VS

F - Faith
I - Inspiration
N - Networking
D - Divine Intervention

Are you Waiting or are you Finding?

Had we just waited to be connected with a birth mother only by and through our online LDSFS profile, we wouldn't have Liam.

In the world of infant adoption (where only 1% of crisis pregnancies end with an adoption) you have to be the one to get your name out there, and doing so helps the time pass more quickly.

Attend the temple, increase your scripture study and grow closer to the Spirit, start an adoption blog (and update it often), order pass along cards, send out a mass mailer, start a Facebook group, etc. Listen to the Spirit and do anything to build your support network.

You never know who will help you find your child.

(Brie, me, my mom Dianne, Kristina and Danielle)

(Kristina and my mom gave our pass along cards to hairstylist Danielle, who gave them to her best friend, Brie!)

Do you have any other Finding Ideas? 
Post about them on your blog!

Adopting from Foster Care

by Amanda


Just recently we adopted two great kids through the Foster Care system. We love them so much and enjoy having them as a part of our lives.

The hurdles were not fun and the classes are enough to scare a person.

I think they try to scare you in the classes to let you know the worst-case scenario. Our boys have a hard time dealing with anger or dissapointment sometimes, but that might just be an age thing. I like to think that they are pretty normal for the most part. They have blessed my life so much that I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Foster Care is an OPTION for those who are infertile and an OPTION for those who feel like this is right for them without the challenge of infertility. To be honest I was quite stuck on wanting to have a child for myself for the longest time. Finally THIS felt right for me, Foster Care.

I remember being younger and not even married when I read "Oliver Twist" and that story was so heart-wrenching for me, that it makes so much sense to me now to have read it. To be a person who is someone a child can count on for life.

I must tell you there have been so many ups and downs in my whole adventure with the boys. The first three months were so hard. Suddenly I had two boys. One of which needed to be potty-trained, and the other whose tantrums were intense. I felt overwhelmed. Time helped so much though. Shared experiences built the love that we all now have for each other.

I can't convince anyone that Foster Care is the answer. I can only tell you that I am glad that I did it. I can't gaurantee that if you do it you will be able to adopt. Often times the children go back to their birthparents. (If you want to know about children who are up for adoption go the http://www.adoptex.org/ or http://www.adoptuskids.org/.)

In our case the boys were our first placement. I was convinced that if they went back that I would try infertility treatments because I knew I couldn't handle the pain of parting with the boys only to part with more children who would become part of our family.

In regards to Foster Care here are some of the things we had to do:
The Initial Consultation (which leads to being invited to the classes or not being invited)
Taking the Classes (a month's worth twice/week)
Licensing (which includes background checks, home study, and safety requirements for your home)
Placement (which can take a while)
Monthly Home Visits from the case worker

If you have any questions about Foster Care, don't be afraid to ask.

My e-mail address is wishes4happiness at gmail dot com.

Birth Parent Gift Idea: Stuffed Animals

By Brittany of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal


A cute idea that a lot of adoptive couples do is the matching stuffed animal gift. The birth mom gets a stuffed animal and the baby has a matching one too. The adoptive couple can send photos of the baby next to his stuffed animal and the birth mom can see how much he has grown.

We decided on an elephant (Brie's favorite animal) and when we made Brie and Liam matching quilts, we made sure the fabric had an elephant on it. Brie loves her elephant because she can cuddle up with it and she likes it because Liam has a matching one of his own.

Amanda C. even has a separate blog called Gracie and the Bear where she posts monthly photos of her adopted daughter and her stuffed bear.