You are Not Alone (Speaking to Sisters Hoping to Adopt)

by Amanda (wishes4happiness at gmail dot com)

I am feeling prompted to write about how alone you can feel when you are unable to have children the "usual" way. I remember those nights when I would cry because I felt like my prayers weren't being answered. I felt like a miracle should just happen and I would be pregnant. That didn't happen. Instead I was inspired to start looking at different adoption agencies and pray more. Finally we made the decision to look at Foster Care. Everything felt right.

When we went to classes there were so many other couples there. It was about that time that I started blogging. I think it was the best thing to happen to me at that time. Reading other's blogs about infertility really helped. Others were able to put into words the exact way that I was feeling.

One of my biggest fears going into adoption was "What if I'm rejected?"

These feelings came all too easy because of our education and income.

When we were accepted by Foster Care I decided to make this website. It made me feel more at peace and added to the feeling of not being alone. When I see so many of your profiles it tells me that you are people who have gone through a lot of the same feelings I have. It tells me that I am not alone in my feelings. It tells me that while I see so many sisters at church announcing their second or third child, I have my sisters here who have walked in my shoes. I have my sisters here who know how hard it can be to go to a baby shower and want to run for the door. I have my sisters here who may just end up in a mood for a few days when they find out yet another friend or family member is pregnant. We are not alone here.

There are many blogs and profiles in the sidebar here. If you ever feel alone just go through the sidebar to see that you are not.

Adopting from Foster Care

by Amanda


Just recently we adopted two great kids through the Foster Care system. We love them so much and enjoy having them as a part of our lives.

The hurdles were not fun and the classes are enough to scare a person.

I think they try to scare you in the classes to let you know the worst-case scenario. Our boys have a hard time dealing with anger or dissapointment sometimes, but that might just be an age thing. I like to think that they are pretty normal for the most part. They have blessed my life so much that I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Foster Care is an OPTION for those who are infertile and an OPTION for those who feel like this is right for them without the challenge of infertility. To be honest I was quite stuck on wanting to have a child for myself for the longest time. Finally THIS felt right for me, Foster Care.

I remember being younger and not even married when I read "Oliver Twist" and that story was so heart-wrenching for me, that it makes so much sense to me now to have read it. To be a person who is someone a child can count on for life.

I must tell you there have been so many ups and downs in my whole adventure with the boys. The first three months were so hard. Suddenly I had two boys. One of which needed to be potty-trained, and the other whose tantrums were intense. I felt overwhelmed. Time helped so much though. Shared experiences built the love that we all now have for each other.

I can't convince anyone that Foster Care is the answer. I can only tell you that I am glad that I did it. I can't gaurantee that if you do it you will be able to adopt. Often times the children go back to their birthparents. (If you want to know about children who are up for adoption go the http://www.adoptex.org/ or http://www.adoptuskids.org/.)

In our case the boys were our first placement. I was convinced that if they went back that I would try infertility treatments because I knew I couldn't handle the pain of parting with the boys only to part with more children who would become part of our family.

In regards to Foster Care here are some of the things we had to do:
The Initial Consultation (which leads to being invited to the classes or not being invited)
Taking the Classes (a month's worth twice/week)
Licensing (which includes background checks, home study, and safety requirements for your home)
Placement (which can take a while)
Monthly Home Visits from the case worker

If you have any questions about Foster Care, don't be afraid to ask.

My e-mail address is wishes4happiness at gmail dot com.

Adoption Success Story: Importance of Following God's Will and listening to the Spirit

Jennie Smith from http://tjsforeverfamily.blogspot.com/ sent me this wonderful success story to share with all of you. She is a true example of following the spirit and having faith in the Lord.

Miracles? Do I believe in them? Yep. Does faith precede miracles? Yep, I don't have to look any further than my home. I guess the place to start is the beginning. We had gone through 3 years of infertility testing and treatments. At each test the words were the same "you guys are young and everything looks great. I am sure you will be back here in 3 months and be pregnant." Well, those months always came and went with no hint of a pregnancy. We were at a crossroads. Do we pursue further infertility treatments or adoption? We did not know what to do. We feasted on the scriptures, especially D&C 9

"Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong…"

We felt the stupor about more fertility treatments and adoption. The only thing we did not feel a stupor on was waiting. We prayed, fasted and cried some tears and then prayed some more. The answer was very clear. We were supposed to wait.

WAIT!?

What?...that is the last answer we wanted to get! I wanted to be proactive. I wanted to be in control and now, I am supposed to do nothing? Don't take my temperature in the morning anymore? Quit researching infertility and all of it's (sometimes hilarious) cures? Don't think about adoption? Keep hoping that every month something was going to happen? But at the same time just do nothing? It was the hardest answer to a prayer I ever had to accept. After many tears I KNEW that answer was correct. I just had to have the faith that this was all in Heavenly Father's hands. Like it says in Alma 32:21, "If ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." We for sure could not see anything. Was pregnancy in our future maybe? Adoption? We thrust our efforts into our jobs and experiencing life with each other. We spent a couple of years working and living in a motor home traveling around our beautiful country. We kept waiting for further instruction and of course hoping each month that something was going to happen. We ended up moving back home to Utah and we started pursuing different careers. My husband went back to school and got his teaching certificate. At the completion of this, we felt a spiritual urge to move. We started looking and the place that felt right was on the opposite coast from our whole family.

TOUGH.

We had to follow our feeling, so we did it. We left all that we knew and loved and moved to South Carolina. At this point we had been married for 7 1/2 years and trying for 6. As we got to our new home, I specifically remember we were hanging out at the beach one day and I told my husband, "I don't think we are going to have to wait much longer to have a family. I just have a feeling like something is going to happen." He asked if I thought I was going to be pregnant. I told him I didn't think so, I just felt like something is coming. He asked when I thought this was going to happen, to which I confidently replied, "In the middle of November." The spirit was speaking to me in such subtle way, still small voice.
At this time I knew I needed to make my yearly OB/GYN appointment and of course I knew it had to be in the middle of November. I called a place that was highly recommended to me. They wanted me to come in the first of November, but I said "No, do you have something around the 15th?"

As the day approached, I was so nervous. What was going to happen at this appointment? Anything? Nothing? Is this another test of my faith? As I got into the old elevator that slowly made its way up to the office, the spirit said to me, "GET READY, YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE."

I brushed it aside. My stupid hope again that something was actually going to happen. As I proceeded through the appointment, I acted cordial and tried to keep my emotions in check. I handed the new doctor all of our past infertility paperwork to which she replied, "Well, you guys look fine, there is nothing else I can do for you." I expected that. Then I told her we had been thinking about adoption. She looked at me and then said, "Hold on a second." She called her partner and turned her back to me. Even though she was trying to hide the conversation, I tuned my ears in and heard, "Have you found a family for that lady yet?"

My heart burst out of my chest it was beating so hard.

She then got off the phone and proceeded to tell me that her partner had been trying to help this lady find a home for her child. She had a family all lined up and ready to go, but just the week before the family backed out on her. This, of course, broke the mother's heart. She was envisioning a great life for this child and now she did not know what to do. The baby was due in 2 weeks.

The partner-doctor came into the room and we talked. He told me more about the birth mother and father and about the baby. It was a boy! The doctor had called everyone on his list of people that were interested in adoption and no one was interested. The mother was heartbroken and not sure what to do. He asked me if I was interested in speaking with her and of course, I said "Yes!!" We exchanged phone numbers and he told me he would call the mother and have her call me if she was interested.

I left the appointment trying not to be too excited. I told my husband the story and he was so elated. We waited and waited for the phone to ring. It eventually did. We were to meet that Sunday.

That Sunday came and I remember it being a perfect day. I shocked myself with the peace I felt. I was calm and happy. We meet the birth mother and birth father. It was like we had known them for years. They were so nice. They knew what they wanted for this baby. The birth father made me cry when he said, "You guys looked like angels walking to us. You just shine"

There was no question in their minds that we were the couple that was going to have the great privilege to raise their son.

The next couple of weeks were a whirlwind of getting a social worker to our home to do the evaluation, find a lawyer, just trying to get it all done. Well, everything happened so smoothly and by the day of the delivery, we were all ready legally. They wanted us at the hospital so our little man could meet his family right when he was born. It was a sweet day. We, of course, loved him immediately and also loved our new friends who gave us the gift of being his parents.

Everything went smoothly and now it has been 3 years and we have this little toddler running around the house. We cannot say enough how much we appreciate this great gift that was given to us. We have a semi-open adoption with this birth family. They love being able to watch Cedric grow up. We love being able to keep in touch with them and let them know what is happening in our child's life. Cedric is wonderful! He is so full of life and love. He loves other people so much and has a light that is contagious.

I have learned much from infertility. One of the lessons that sticks out to me now is how much we have to rely on the spirit. As we are currently waiting for our family to grow, we have to be worthy to receive His answers and know HIS will in our lives.

"The Holy Ghost . . . is our comforter, our direction finder, our communicator, our interpreter, our witness, and our purifier—our infallible guide and sanctifier." Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign, Nov. 1996

*On a side note, I am a total believer in passalong cards. I recently returned to the aforementioned doctor's office. They had told me that they had my name on a list of people that were interested in adoption, but somehow I was not really on that list. They had another situation arise in which they were looking for a family and they could not remember our names! They searched everywhere in their office and could not find it. If only they had a passalong card! As soon as we were approved I sent them a huge stack :)

The Mission of Adopt-Us-Kids

Guest post by Sean Carroll at New Media Strategies

Most people familiar with the adoption and foster care process are aware of the many groups and organizations that play a role in finding homes for so many children who need them. As you all may or may not know, May is Foster Care Awareness Month. You can visit the official website here: http://www.fostercaremonth.org/, however, I have included some information below:

“All children deserve a safe, happy life — including the 496,000 American
children and youth in foster care. Young people in foster care especially need
nurturing adults on their side because their own families are in crisis and
unable to care for them.

"Each May, we salute the compassionate people
who make a difference by serving as foster parents, relative caregivers,
mentors, advocates, social workers, and volunteers. Thanks to these unsung
heroes, many formerly abused or neglected children and teens will either safely
reunite with their parents, be cared for by relatives, or be adopted by loving
families.”

Since so many potential families are considering adoption through foster care, I wanted to take a moment to highlight one organization, in particular, that has been doing tremendous work in this field as of recently.

The organization is called Adopt-Us-Kids and they have found homes for over 10,000 children who were simply looking for a place to stay and be loved. Take a moment to read through their website, which can be found here: http://www.adoptuskids.org/. Adopt-Us-Kids (which I have come to recognize as a true blessing), and the website they put so much time into, are a fantastic resource for prospective parents who are considering adoption and/or foster care. The following is the very direct, yet powerful mission statement behind Adopt-Us-Kids:

“The mission of Adopt-Us-Kids is to recruit and connect foster and adoptive
families with waiting children throughout the United States.”

Their website also features a substantial and heartstring-pulling photo-listing of numerous children looking for homes where they will be loved, in addition to a great deal of information and support resources to help in understanding and becoming a part of the adoption or foster care process. Additionally, Adopt-Us-Kids also takes the time to educate and encourage potential parents about adopting teenage children, many of whom are never taken into a home simply because of their age.

So throughout May, please keep all of these children in your prayers. And if you find yourself considering adoption, take a moment to look at Adopt-Us-Kids as a resource to use throughout your journey.

Visit the r house

Mrs. r at the r house has just started You Promote Adoption I Promote You

I love the idea because:
1. I've been thinking about doing spotlights for you couples hoping to adopt for a while, but really am too lazy/busy to keep up with it.

2. Because ADOPTION is totally a cause worth promoting. (Exactly why I started this blog/site.)


I am also TOTALLY IN LOVE with mrs. r's Matching Mondays segment.


Make your adoption happen, click on one of the links above. You just might fall in love with a child or a sibling group while checking out that last one! =)

Amanda

Things to Consider

1. Near the Bottom of the page is a link to Mrs. R's Matching Mondays. If you are looking to adopt, please take some time to check it out. (Also near the bottom of the page is my submission guidelines if you want your "Hoping to Adopt" site posted here.)

2. Birth Mother's Day is coming up!
Provo Families Supporting Adoption is hosting a Celebrating Adoption Walk May 9 @10 a.m. in honor of Birth Mothers Day. It will be at the Provo High School track (1125 North University Ave. Provo, UT. 84604) Wear white or an 'adoption shirt', games and activities for kids and and adults, drinks and snacks provided. Everyone is invited!

3. There will be a 5k race on May 30th for ADOPTION:
$20 for an individual
$50 for a family
Visit Adoption Exchange for more information (Utah area, events in other locations are also listed on this website.)

4. The 2009 Chalk Art Festival is coming June 19-20. The Utah Foster Care Foundation hosts this.

Visit http://www.chalkartfestival.org/ for more information.

5. Also there is a new button to this blog at the bottom of the page on the left hand side.

*If you have any other news in the adoption world, please let me know. Continue to spread the word about adoption. Advocate constantly, you never know who may be considering abortion.

Adoption Exchange

There are many children waiting for homes at this time. Visit http://www.utdcfsadopt.org/ for more information on those waiting for a loving family in the state of Utah.

Also check out some of the websites in the right sidebar if you are hoping to adopt.

Amanda

Foster Care (message for couples waiting)

I know this may be asking a lot of you, but I wish for you to think on the children out there waiting for a home in the Foster Care system. Maybe this isn't right for you at this time. Maybe you have needs to fulfill first or have been driven in another direction by the spirit. I just hope I can plant a simple seed, even if its just curiosity to look further into Foster Care as a means of building your family, or helping other families get back on their feet. This isn't a program for the faint hearted. THERE WILL BE CHALLENGES.

I just want you all to know how incredibly fulfilling this has been so far for me. I LOVE the boys in our care so very much. They touch my life daily. When we first received the boys into our home I thought: "What am I getting myself into???"

There were challenges I thought I was ready for but really I wasn't quite ready for them. I thought I was so prepared. I just couldn't wait for that phone call. We said yes to the first call, and now we do not regret it. I won't lie, at first I was in over my head. Three months really was a magical mark. Had a kid potty trained, the crying and tantrums had changed. And now at our five month mark, I can't imagine not having the boys with us. The thought of them leaving saddens me. I want them here in my family forever. I am so attached. I love getting hugs and playing with the boys so very much. Anything could happen still in regards to where the boys go. It will break my heart if I have to say goodbye!

I really just want to send this message out there to couples looking to adopt. I want to let them know this is a route, if they are brave if they are willing to risk heartache.

LDSFS Profiles

Brittany at http://authorbee.blogspot.com/ sent me this information about LDSFS profiles:


Recently I discovered that it is possible to check the number of profile hits on your LDS Family Services adoption profile! Here is how you can do it:

1. Log into the Bluestep website.
2. Click on "Phase 4".
3. In the upper left corner choose "View Profile Statistics".

This is similar to what you will see:
Profile statistics since your profile was published.
Your Profile Message page has been viewed ____ times.
Your Photo Album has been been viewed ____ times.
Your Getting to Know Us page has been viewed ____ times.
Your Contact Us page has been viewed ____ times.

You Make me Feel

Hello all! I just wanted the birthmothers to know how grateful I am to them for making such a wonderful decision to place their baby for adoption. I know it must be hard to struggle with the decisions you face. You have a special place in my heart because of your courage.

Adoptive couples, I am so grateful for you. I see how big the list has gotten here and I think to myself "I am not alone." It really makes me want to cry because of all those nights when I yearned for a family and I really did think I was alone. I wondered why blessings were being kept from me.

I'm grateful for my life right now. I'm enjoying what I have. Being a Foster Parent I am aware that the kids could end up somewhere else in the end. I know I could be back at square one: Waiting.

My advice for couples waiting: Keep faith, look around. You are not alone. Enjoy what you have now. Enjoy every moment. Children require almost all you've got, and I know you would all be willing to give that! We know they are a blessing! Just don't be so hung up on the goal, that you forget to enjoy the journey.

My heart is so full because of all of you! I see how strong we all are because of our trials whatever the situation, and I can't help but feel the way I do!

Choose your best (Some guidelines for sending)

I want everyone to be on somewhat equal playing grounds here. So send me the site that you most want to be displayed here. If you send me more than one I am choosing the website that seems the most appealing to me. I figure that will keep the site from being too cluttered as well.

Also, please send me a site that has a profile of your family. This is not a place for sites that sell things. I'd like to help you add to your family. The best way to do that is to let others know about your current family. Displaying pictures of your family and writing what you are all about is ideal.

For those who have not sent a site yet, send it here:

wishes4happiness at gmail dot com

Thank you,

Amanda

Thank You Mrs. R

Thank you Mrs. R for getting the word out about this blog. There are plenty more people wanting to be added to this list. It is my hope that it will become a great resource for both birth mothers and LDS couples hoping to adopt.

For those of you out there Hoping to Adopt

For LDS couples hoping to adopt, please send links to my e-mail at wishes4happiness at gmail dot com. Use subject "Add to LDS Adoption Blog." You may also e-mail me your LDS family services profile or your Parent Profile.