My husband
and I are private people. We keep to
ourselves—more than we probably should—because we like ourselves and each
other. I’m pretty shy and I guess we’re
both slightly anti-social. So, our
approach to a second adoption puts us right out of our joint comfort zone. This time, in addition to our profile on
It’s About Love, we have a profile on Parent Profiles (should be active beginning
of next week), and are using our family blog to advertise our desire to adopt
again.
It has been
difficult for us to have all of our information—so much of it incredibly
personal—on the Web for the whole world to see.
(It’s kind of like standing in the middle of the street, naked, and
wondering who is looking at me through their blinds.) But we know that we need to get ourselves out
there. It’s a strange dichotomy of
wanting people to see it and not wanting people to see it. We just want the right people to see it. I’m uncomfortable with the idea of trying to
sell ourselves. To show what amazing
people we are, what fabulous parents.
And the thought that we’re in “competition” with so many other amazing,
fabulous couples doesn’t set well with me, either. It feels wrong to be brainstorming to find
ways to make us appear as appealing as we think we are. (Please note that we are not misrepresenting
ourselves in any way, just wanting to use the best pictures, the best stories.) Maybe more appealing than other people. Is
anyone with me here? Do you feel like you
come across as saying, “Hey, look at us!
We’re better than those other people.”? Do you feel weird about it? (Disclaimer: I don’t feel like we’re better than other couples hoping to adopt,
and I want everyone to get a baby.)
Marketing
myself just isn’t in my nature, but I know that we have to be proactive in
searching for our child. We need to make
it easy for the right people to find us.
I can’t wait to get our Pass Along Cards. It seems like such a more personal way to get
the word out.
SOMEBODY
please comment. Tell me what you are
doing to market yourself. Tell me how
you feel. Tell me I’m crazy, if you
think I am. Tell me you know exactly how
I feel (if you do) so we can validate each other! If you prefer, send me an email at
sdavisfordhamATgmailDOTcom. Thank you!
(And
Britnee, I didn’t mean to copy your idea.
This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, and it seemed
to follow your post well.)
10 comments:
We totally understand. And, you feel guilty when you are trying to show your best to be better than the "competition" because you know they are in the same boat as you and really aren't much different.
We just adopted our second through a designated adoption. We didn't have our profile up yet, but had done all the paperwork. We felt so fortunate to be able to skip that step that feels like a pageant!
Kristine, congratulations! That's exciting. And hooray for you that you didn't have to parade yourself around. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. Thanks for your comment.
I remember feeling this way with our first adoption, (she is now 19 months old and we haven't started on our second adoption yet). It does feel like you are trying to "compete" - we really felt that at our first intake meeting we went to. We thought there was no way we would get chosen over all those great couples. And it did feel weird writing up our profile and felt like we were bragging about ourselves, or trying to convince someone to give us a child. But it really is just about being you and finding the right baby for your family. Our daughter's birthmom wasn't impressed by all the pictures or fancy things we did, she chose us because of the feeling she got when she read about us and who we were.
I guess what I'm saying is that it's important to show your best "you" but also to show an honest "you" and let the spirit do the rest. I'm all for marketing as in getting your name out there in as many places as possible, but I don't think it has to be something that feels awkward.
Thanks, Rebecca. I think you're absolutely right.
I HATED this part of the process when we were trying to adopt our first. It literally took me months and months to write our dear birthmother later because I felt so much pressure that it needed to be perfect, not sound like everyone else, not be corny, not "too" perfect, show our personalities and faults too. I've never agonized over the wording in sentences like I did there.
Thanks for your comment, Tamara. Isn't it nice to know we're not alone in all the craziness?
The competition and marketing aspects of adoption bug me, too- I wrote about it here:
http://mamamem.blogspot.com/2010/05/birthparent-letters-let-marketing-begin.html
But I also KNOW that the right baby goes to the right family (at the right time). I love what Rebecca said: "our daughter's birthmom wasn't impressed by all the pictures or fancy things we did, she chose us because of the feeling she got when she read about us" Amen.
Thanks, Mary. I loved your post!
Fun post...
I am a little different from you with privacy. I tend to give to much info (maybe it is like me wanting to run down the street naked and people wondering WHY?)It isn't until later that I feel like ...Hmmm maybe I shouldn't have told that stranger that much about me :)
It hasn't been until a year after placment that I have started to understand ... I didn't really matter what silly picture I put up or what I said to brag about myself, it is that I did everything that I could to find my baby.
Our Heavenly Father has a plan!
Stacey, thank you for your comment. If I ever see you running naked down my street I won't wonder why;). And I think you're right about it being about doing all we can to our baby.
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