How FSA is Saving My Sanity

Hi, my name is Sally, and I’ll be taking the Thursday spot.  My husband, Brigham, and I adopted our daughter, Olivia, four years ago.  You can read about that here.  We’ve just been approved to adopt again and are anxiously working toward finding our next miracle.

I recently became involved in my local FSA chapter.  My advice to hopeful adoptive couples is to be an active part of FSA.  If there’s a chapter near you, join.  If there isn’t, start one.  I wish we had known the first time around what FSA was all about.  We didn’t receive any information or encouragement from our case worker.  In all fairness, both adoption workers in that office were new to the area and to adoptions.  And we didn’t wait all that long for Olivia to join our family.  So we got our baby and moved on.

When we started the adoption process, we didn’t have any idea what to expect.  And we had no idea how blessed we were to have things turn out like they did.  It would have been nice to associate with others who were in the same position and still others who were better educated and had experienced an adoption.

The FSA chapter here has an adoptive moms’ group.  We (I can say “we” because I’ve been twice now) get together once a month for dinner and adoption talk.  I would have poked my eyes out for that last time around.  (Okay, so maybe that’s a bit dramatic.  And it wouldn’t have served any purpose, anyway.)  Sure, our families and friends were 100% supportive, but it just isn’t the same as having a support network of others who have been there, who are there.  It’s like free therapy!  I’ve already learned so much from the other women in the group.  As a result of our conversations, I’ve done more research (not about baby gear this time) and feel much more comfortable educating those around me about adoption as I am educating myself.  We are definitely going to be more proactive this time around!

So there’s my plug for FSA, and they didn’t even bribe me to do it. 

If there are topics you’d like to have addressed, please leave a comment.

And if you’d like to know more about my family, check out our blog: http://www.brighamoliviasally.blogspot.com/

Being Excited while you wait...and wait...and wait...

 Image via online

This topic has been coming up alot lately in some conversations I have been having with my friends and then in Ashley's post (Make room for me)...sometimes or more like, often times we go through this huge process of getting certified to adopt and then we are like "where is our baby"...we expect it to happen right away...granted it does for some...but most of us we have to wait a time before our baby joins our family.   I think it is because we are thinking "ok I have been waiting a long time" (the trying part/dealing with infertility) and we think that as soon as we are certified it is bound to be here...unfortunately, this is not usually the case and that is ok.

Recently, I was speaking to my friend Brielle about this and she had a great way of looking at this...she said "when we get certified it is kinda like we just found out we are pregnant"...or at least we should think about it this way.  When someone is pregnant they are EXCITED the entire time! (well maybe not when they are throwing up...lol)  They aren't thinking "oh...I have to wait 9 months to see my baby...this sucks" no they are thinking "I am going to go look at baby clothes and not feel weird doing it!"  They don't care if they don't look pregnant yet!  Like WE.. tend to tell ourselves when we want to shop for the baby we will eventually have.

They don't think "I am not going to get excited about this baby or do a thing to plan until I know the babies sex or they come home from the hospital"...like WE as adoptive couples often do...They are excited for what will come and are glad to have the time to plan...They don't think about all the bad things that could happen...like WE as adoptive couples tend to focus on...When is the last time you heard a pregnant woman say "I hope I don't have a still born...my friend did"...but when was the last time you heard an adoptive couple say "I hope I don't have a failed placement like my friends had to go through, I hope they don't change their mind."  They don't walk around with tons of doubts...(yes I know there are some but you know what I mean)...they walk around with the thoughts of assumption of this is good...everything will be ok...they just TRUST...

Now, I know we aren't pregnant but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be excited during the process...this wait is like you are pregnant and the baby hasn't been born yet...we need to act like it.  Now, I know if you knew me personally, you would know that I am totally into attracting what I want into my life (law of attraction) and the BEST way to attract what you want is to FEEL the FEELINGS of having it already!  A pregnant woman is constantly feeling the feelings of having it now, way before it is visible or she can even feel the baby kick.  We also can do lots of things to feel it now...Like Ashley said...start your babies room...shop for baby clothes like you would (No one is thinking "you don't belong here in the baby section"...you know you think this! And hey if you buy boy stuff and you end up with a girl I am sure you know plenty of women at church who will have a boy for those clothes to give as gifts!).

Start to talk as if it is happening...Be happy for your friends that are having babies or have been chosen (I know this one is WAY hard) but you would want them to be happy for you...As my friend Jaymie had said last time I saw her "you will have your day."  Let's be present and joyous about these special little spirits that are coming to these families...YOUR baby is coming...

Get involved in something that will help you help others!  FSA is an amazing way to get involved and know people that are on this journey you are on...you never know who they will know!  My friend Kris' birth-mom actually met my friend Brielle prior and that is how she learned of Kris!

I know that when we help others get what they want, we get what we want and usually it happens when you are not focusing on the "why am I not getting what I want" part.  I have to say that for me this Blog came into my life at the perfect moment...I truly love being able to try to help us all in this journey...I love that we have been gaining in our exposure (just google - LDS Adoption and we are on the 1st page!)...this blog is my way of helping others get what they want...I love that I can help you be featured to your possible birth mom or the one that may see your profile and then tell your birth mom!  This blog has helped me so much...and has helped me when waiting...I am so thankful for all of you that read this blog and what it has given me...

Hoping to Adopt Feature!

 

Russ and Kylee

Russ and I met through a mutual friend/cousin and were married almost 6 years ago. Within months of being married, we found out we were pregnant. We were ecstatic! Nine months later, our son, Caden, was born. Because we had Caden so quick we never thought that we were going to have any trouble having children. About a year after our son was born, we tried to get pregnant again. After a few months, we found out we were pregnant. We weren't expecting what was going to happen in a few weeks. I started bleeding and cramping, and discovered that we had a miscarriage. We were devastated!

However, we knew it was a common thing so we tried again. After 5 miscarriages in 2 years and lots of infertility testing, we knew we had to try something different. We had thought about adoption many times, but didn't quite feel it was right for our family. When we got to this point, we knew we really HAD to know what the will of the Lord was for our family before we pursued anything else.

One day while I was reading my patriarchal blessing, a phrase in there totally hit me like a brick. I shared it with Russ and we knew it meant that we were supposed to adopt. We prayed and went to the temple, and we both felt that this was how we are supposed to grow our family. We jumped in with both feet! We went to our orientation meeting and started working on all the paperwork, fingerprints, etc.

The day we got approved to adopt and our profile went "live" we felt like it was a victory over all the heartache, devastation and trial. We knew this was what we are supposed to do and we were doing everything in our power to pursue that route. We held an adoption kick off open house and invited all our family, friends and neighbors to come. It was very helpful for them to learn about adoption, what they can do to help us and to feel comfortable talking to us about it.

We took on the role of playgroup coordinators for our chapter of Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) to help us learn more about adoption and to promote a positive view of adoption in our area. We started the play groups (because they weren't having them before) and after a few activities, we now have a good group that goes almost every time. A few months later, they asked us to serve as the co chairs in our area. 

After talking and praying about it, we decided to take on that role. Now we are serving as the chairs in our area and have just held our 2nd annual area FSA conference and our 1st annual FSA 5K. We love being involved in FSA because it helps us to make great friends whose lives are also blessed with adoption!

We LOVE being parents and experiencing all the joy that children bring to a home! It is so fun to take Caden to the park, the pool, the library (or anywhere for that matter) and to see him learn new things. He ran in the kids fun run after the 5K, and loved it! We love the outdoors and frequently go camping, hiking, geocaching, etc. We are excited to go on our first family backpacking trip soon. Caden is very excited to adopt and frequently asks us when we are going to have a baby. We have been approved just over a year now and are excited for the opportunity to adopt and for Caden to be a big brother.

To learn more about our family, see our adoption blog click here

*NEW* Phoenix, AZ FSA Chapter!!!

So my great girl Jaymie has been called to be the new Co-Chair of the NEW (or once was a long time ago) Phoenix Chapter for FSA! We are so excited for this and she is so awesome. She is one of the gals in my Adoptive Mom/ Hoping to Adopt group (I will tell you all more about that in a later post). Jaymie and her husband Jesse recently welcomed the placement of their son a little over a week ago. His name is Nixon and he is sooo cute. She also has a sweet little girl named Henslee who her and her husband also adopted. Both of her adoptions are open and her birthmom's are amazing. So strong and so courageous!

So, to get things started up in the Phoenix area Jaymie has organized an Ice Cream social for all of those that are hoping to adopt or have adopted! What a fun event! No pressure just fun, fun, fun!

Here are the details:

 BTW - Please RSVP to jaymiemaughn@yahoo.com

WVC FSA Picnic

Annual West Valley FSA Picnic

When: Saturday September 11 2010 5:00 p.m.

Where: Hidden Valley Park

5430 So. 555 West, Murray

FSA Conference Handouts

Here is a link to the handouts from the FSA Conference.