Sixteen and a Mom...

All I know is I just watched this and I am still teary...ALL of you need to watch this.... birth mom's and women considering placing for Adoption should too.  My husband ended up seeing it on TV about a month ago and kept saying "Deanna you have got to find this movie and watch it" I should have watched it sooner but I can see now why it touched him so dearly since Audri had just been placed with us.  I am so thankful for the selfless sacrifice that Audri's birthmother made for her and us...there are no words....

**This is a full uninterrupted version...**

Helping a friend bring their Baby home!!!!

I know this is unusual but I want to ask you all for HELP for our friend Kristina Brown! They are ADOPTING a special needs little girl and they desperately need HELP TO BRING HER HOME! 

PLEASE consider helping them they have 15 days to hit this need to have her!

WE CAN GET HER THERE!!! It's ONLY $2500!!! 

Even if its $5, $10 every dollar counts!!! 

HERE IS THE LINK TO DONATE:  

https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/6Uuyd

Their family was never expecting to adopt again after the loss of their daughter last year and IZZY just appeared so they applied and they were CHOSEN out of 500 families that wanted her!!! So They KNOW the Lord is involved!!!

"Last year our 18mo old sp needs daughter passed away. We pretty much destroyed our savings between her funeral and all the time missed from work while we were grieving. We have since been matched with a sp needs 2yr old in Texas.. We have to make our way to texas for training on how to take care of her sp needs. Feeding tube/brain tumor/ blindness.. We have to pay to fly there aprox 800 with flight and hotel.. then 1200 to 1400 to an attorney and another 500 to fly our daughter and the case worker here...". - Kristina

Please Help them make their Dream come true... Thank you and God Bless....
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/6Uuyd

Adoption Pass-a-long Facebook Photos!

So as many of you know last weekend I did an Adoption Media Blitz for James and I to find a potential Birthmother!.  All I can say is HUGE success as far as getting the word out and going beyond Viral! I even had a News station locally call me today because a producer in the station saw my page and they want to maybe feature us somehow about our adoption page!  Cuh-RAzy!! (I have to admit I got the idea to do this blitz so to say from my friend Amy's Blog...she posted about it some time back and I knew I had to do this...

Many of you need to read that post on my personal blog so that it can help you in your quest to find your baby!  I know I have been putting somethings in my posts lately that are kinda different but you guys need to be thinking different!  One of the things I did in addition to my post on my blog was to share about it on my Adoption Facebook Page!  This was a key component!  I was also interactive with my Facebook audience and they did a stellar job sharing and liking the posts so that all things would go viral and share thru their feeds!  One of the best ways was with these photo's.  I call them Adoption Pass-a-long photos!  Think about it we all have these cards and yes they are totally great but if you really want people to see your card make a photo version and post it on FACEBOOK!  These have gotten THOUSANDS of views on my Adoption Facebook Page.  How did I make them? www.picmokey.com of course!

 It is important to have a few of these so that it gives your friends a variety!  The more your friends also KNOW you and your story btw the more likely they will share!  People want to HELP people...make it personal!  Facebook is an amazing tool!  Get to know peeps on there, help them, connect them, refer them, and trust me they will help you if you need it! You Reap what you Sow!!!  Be the person God intended you to be and the person others want to KNOW!!!!  (That reminds me...we will talk about your personal Facebook pages on another post...hint: be interesting and Inspiring)

Sometimes, when I communicated thru my page I also attached a photo and sometimes not...And always share your Adoption Page's picture posts on your personal facebook...(I do it a few hours later though so it will show again or maybe in someones feed that didn't see it shared from my page!)

Lastly, This is the photo I changed my Timeline cover to for the ENTIRE weekend.  On both my Adoption Facebook page and Personal Facebook.  I also sent it privately to some close friends and family and asked them to post it as their cover photo as well.

Again, I know we are all on this Road together so I want to make sure all of you know how amazing I think each and everyone of you are!  I know this was a HUGE hit helping us already and may be the key to finding our birthmother and I know it may be the key for you too:)

Til the next post!
Deanna

ADOPTION BLOGS!!!

So after some thought and many questions coming at me about blogs I have decided to write a post about starting or updating your Adoption blog!

Some of you may be thinking where do I start... this is hard? or  I already have one now I need an adoption one? or You mean I have to put my feelings or thoughts or info out there on the net? Or I am not good at this kind of stuff! or Everyone else is soooo much better than me at that kind of stuff or theirs looks way better than mine... Well, I will tell you these are all very valid questions or thoughts and some of them may be totally true and some well may be all in your head!

I will say this as I have before in the Social Media post I wrote that YOU need to have a blog!  No, its obviously not required...lol...and yes your birthmother may come to you in a totally different way but it is the best way to be able to share your thoughts, feelings and who you are with others that YOU ARE WANTING TO ADOPT with exception of Facebook but blog posts can be highly integrated into Facebook.  And if you are not on Facebook at this point you need to read the social media post....

So where do you start?

For starters I would say user blogger.com (its linked to gmail).  Wordpress is way harder...well not as user friendly if you don't have a clue what you are doing.  When I started my blog  I had never done anything like it... Blogger is really user friendly and even has simple templates you can use to get started and all you have to do it pick which one.

 **I know many of you already have one of these but everyone starts somewhere!**

What should you have in it or on it?

Well for starters, I want you to look at the hoping to adopt blogs that are linked on LDS Adoption Connection and I really want you to look at them pretending you are an expectant mother looking to place the child you are carrying...Can you tell they even want to adopt?  Can you find info about them that tells you who they are?  Did they write a letter to you?  Did you feel like you already know them without meeting them?  Do they feel feel like old friends or do they seem stiff and uptight...or do you feel like they are your family?  Do they say they want an open adoption and do they feel like they want one?  There is a difference?  Do they allow you to feel what they are going through?  Do they inspire you? Do they make you want to know them more and that you can't wait to read their next post?  Do they have Facebook?  Can you learn more about them that way?  Was it easy to navigate their blog? Was it boring? Was it ugly or attractive?

These are things you MUST think about when you create your blog!  These blogs are to represent you yes, but they are for someone else to read!!! Would you want to read your blog? Seriously!  You need to ask yourself that question... I know I am not a candy coater and with this kind of stuff no one wants one of those...

When I decided to create a blog I CREEPED everyone else's and looked for all the parts I liked and definitely notated the ones I didn't like!

Contact Us!

You must give a birthmother a way to reach you on your blog...Create an email just for your adoption and put that on everything (Facebook, parent profiles, and your blog).  It would be the worst to have a birth mother want you and you never gave her a way to reach you...seriously its a duh! lol

Update Your Blog!

Some of you may not like what I say next but oh well! You really need to have a blog that you actually write on and update!!! Some of you out there have blogs that you call "adoption blogs" and all they are is another version of a parent profile or it's about love.  Although many of these blogs are super cute they are somewhat stale...yes stale (don't be offended just hear me out)...they are stale because anyone can create that and they don't tell a potential birthmother that you are STILL in fact wanting to adopt.

They say nothing about what is happening in your life, nothing about if you did indeed get placed with,  nothing about if you had a failed placement and how it felt, and it usually never says if you are indeed matched?

They say nothing...And worst yet is that when friends of people put them in their blog lists on their blogs they are at the bottom since they never are updated..thus a birthmother never clicks on them!  No one really clicks on these since they are at the bottom...They click on updated blogs...seriously again think as if you are them:)

Allow your posts to be Shared!

On blogger you can allow in the footer for your posts to be shared on Facebook...you want to add this function ASAP!  You have no idea how many times I wanted to share someones specific post and they didn't give this option...uhg! I love to share peoples stories so you want this on there...

This is also how YOU SHOULD share your newest posts on to your Facebook adoption page!  From your adoption Facebook page "THEN" you share it to your Personal facebook page because then your post will show where it was shared from (your adoption Facebook page) and people go to your page and "like" it and then their "like" shows in the Facebook newsfeed of ALL the people that person knows! cool huh!

p.s. see how on this picture the "show shares" box is not selected...you want to make sure it's checked!!!

Lastly...facebook and blog buttons!

You need to get these...create an adoption page if you haven't see social media post....and post these on your blogs...many people blog and they are happy to post a blog button on their blog for you.  You may say "Deanna how do I do that?"  Well, I just googled it that is how I learned I had no clue! But I found you this link and it will walk you thru it:) I also hunted on others blogs and copied their html and added my links and picts.  When you pick a picture for this you will want to make sure your picture shows your faces...make sure you are thinking "will someone want to click on my button?"  Is it boring or attractive! Does it say I want to adopt?  Hint: I used a picture of my wanting to adopt pass a long cards.  I worked great!

These need to be on your blog for others to "like" your Facebook page and be aware that you have one and for them to help you...they could be big time bloggers and have lots of traffic come to their blogs and because you have a button and they "know" your story they post your button on their blog!  Some of my coolest online friends came about because we were creeping each other's blogs and felt like we knew each other already!

I hope this has helped a bunch of you out there and again I am not trying to offend anyone just help...this is like a buffet table, take what you like and leave what you don't...lol...

**I am hoping to maybe have a birthmother write a post as well regarding blogging and Facebook too...if you are one and are interested please comment below or email me at ldsadoptioconnection@yahoo.com:)

-Deanna

Returning Blog Poster: Adoption and Social Media

Hey everyone, guess what? Deanna who used to be the blog administrator, is getting recertified to adopt. Her and her husband James are an amazing couple and I am really excited to watch their miracle unfold as they search and wait for the baby they have been hoping for to join their family. She has graciously offered to help me out with some posts each week and I am looking forward to getting to read them. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Deanna! -Elise

Since we have been through this process before of getting certified to adopt but took a breather and now we are back on the wagon so to say I thought I would talk about the importance of getting yourself out there and helping a birth-mother find you!!!  There are many ways to give yourself exposure but by far the FASTEST way for ALL of your friends and networks to know you want to adopt is thru social media and FACEBOOK!!!

You need to be "thinking" who birth-mothers most likely will be and how will she see glimpses of us and know we are wanting to adopt?  How does she connect with others... Even people without computers have smart phones and Facebook! Broke people have Facebook! Students and old people have Facebook!  Most likely she will have Facebook!!!  If you share posts on Facebook about you wanting to adopt, people in your network can "like" or "share" it and it shows up in ALL their friends feeds!! These are people you have never ever even met now knowing of YOU and YOUR search to adopt!!!

Current Timeline cover - Change your photos often to reflect you...the timeline photo btw will always show publicly when searched....

Another point to think about it does my post say "READ ME" or does it say nothing....you want to intrigue your Facebook friends to "actually" click your post and visit your blog or Facebook page...Try NOT to post links without commenting above unless it is BEYOND self explanatory...(Ex: your itsaboutlove link and it shows that number id on the link and no comment...people who aren't LDS don't know what that is...I didn't grow up in the Church and if they have never adopted and are LDS they still may have no clue what that is...its not intriguing...it's just a next keep scrolling post)

You have to be thinking what would make them want to read this post assuming they aren't excited about adoption as much as you...if you can do that you are golden!

Here is an example of a post I posted last Saturday!  It helped my page go up 20 likes just that day!  p.s. you can post this also in ALL groups you know that it would be appropriate for others to know so they can LIKE your page and get it into their networks! I have already had people pm me that I never met already because of this!

Deanna Little

December 15 near Phoenix

Hey all of you amazing friends!!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! Please help us to spread the word.. We want as many people to know we are wanting to ADOPT as possible so please PLEASE spread the word to ALL of your AMAZING networks here on FACEBOOK!

You can do this by sharing this link or by going to our page and hitting "like."

Your Love and Support means more to us than all of you all know...

https://www.facebook.com/LeapsofFaith

Leaps of Faith - James and Deanna's Journey to Adopt

We are hoping to adopt! Visit our Blog at: http://alittlefamilyblessing.blogspot.com/ Contact us at: alittlefamilyblessing@yahoo.com

Page: 90 like this

As far as when to post on your page or personal FB...Post at night or on Saturday mornings and Sunday Evenings...You have to be thinking when are the most people on Facebook!  If you want them to share your posts you MUST post when they are on!  You want them to share or like when there are lots of other people on too!  Yes, posting at other times it still shows up in their feeds but so does everyone else's that day ahead of you....

I post a lot of stories with in my Facebook as a whole because that is what people like to see...STORIES that include a picture...they don't really care if you got an oil change or had a tuna sandwich for lunch or you are watching some tv show...(I am sure none of you do that...lol)... but you want your Facebook to really tell people who you are (not the fake you the real you) so that they WANT to help you and they want to share with their friends!  You want to help others!  Be inspiring! You are sowing seeds with your posts and the likes/shares are your sprouts!  Don't just inundate them with adoption either...But always be thinking I am a farmer and I am planting seeds... Post LOTS of pictures...use instagram to spruce them up and ALWAYS write comments above them!  Ask the reader questions...on Facebook when someone asks a question you can't say it doesn't make you want to respond!

Think NETWORKING!!!  Seriously...I want you to look at your friends Facebook timelines thinking does this intrigue me, does this say they are someone people want to know or that they are lame and boring and then look at yours and say what can I do to show who I am better...not change who you are but to intrigue people to want to help you!

This is the page I created for us earlier this month...

Now that we are talking about Facebook...lets talk about those you don't know...They need to be able to find you...so I would say if you are wanting more people to know about your journey to adopt that you create a Facebook Page.  Make it inviting and fun...reflecting again who you are!!! Also it doesn't just have to have only your blog posts...have other posts that reflect your thoughts (somehow relating to adoption typically).  This will allow people you don't know to like your page and have your posts show up in their feeds!  Again people you don't know seeing your posts to help you spread the word!...I am not sure if you knew this but the average person knows 2000+ people by the age of 21 now many people on FB have over 2000 friends and if they choose to share your post it shows to all their friends on their timeline!  BTW if you don't have timeline...no comment.

Our current Adoption blog

If you don't have a blog and you are wanting to adopt...you need to get one...the itsaboutlove site is not going to jump out and have people follow it...yes it is a great resource but you can't have people following your posts...updates can't be automatically updated in blog lists on other peoples blogs that way...

That brings up another thing...blogs that get updated get WAYYYYY more traffic than blogs that are another version of itsaboutlove...just saying.

Also, post lots of pictures and make sure you can read the font!!! Scripty stuff is pretty but hard to read...Ask others for feedback.  All the things I said about Facebook about your page intriguing others and if they could really feel like they knew you also apply to your blog...Think "If I was a birth-mom would I feel like I knew them?"

Lastly, once you have a Facebook page you need to link it to your blog!  Our adoption pass-along cards are connected to our blog which then they can connect to Facebook! We also decided that by having only our caseworker and blog on our cards there is no need to update anything else all the time...if something changes like parent profiles it doesn't matter...

P.S. please visit our Facebook page and "LIKE" it!!!



-Deanna

Being ALL IN!!!

 Picture found via online

p.s. I don't promote gambling I just needed the pict...lol

Recently, I have had quite a few people ask me if we are nervous K ( K is our birthmom) will change her mind since K has chosen us to place the sweet little boy she is carrying or ask "well are you sure about everything?"...and all I can think and say is "I am ALL IN."  I want our little boy to know that we loved him so much from the start...I don't want him coming to our family and us not have put our hearts into preparing for him 100%.  I want K to know that we are "ALL IN" for her.  That we care sooo much about her!  It is crazy how strongly I already feel about her...and this is probably be cause we are "ALL IN."  When thinking of how I should be with her, I have tried to put myself in her shoes and truly think and focus on her...yes this baby boy is what brought us together and is our focus too but she is really my focus right now.  If I am focused on her I am focused on him too...  If it wasn't for her choosing us, he would not be coming into our family.

I know that before K found us I struggled a little bit with this too...I mean I was worried about what if they end up not liking us or don't like something we say or they are a scam or worst of all, our hearts gets crushed!  Then when I was with my adoptive Mom group and we were talking about this...my friend Jaymie said no "we have to be all in"...that baby deserves for us to be!... and then my friend Mandy said some things re: if it is meant to be it will be and if not its not...the part I got out of this is that no matter how things turn out it is important for us to be present in the moment and not be doubtful...Any time we have the fear we must push through with Faith.  Faith and Fear can not co-exist.  I can't be "ALL IN" with fear present... 

 Picture found via online

Since having K choose us, I too have felt this fear...it comes alot since it is uncharted territory for us...but I will say that when I have pushed through with Faith it has been to my benefit many times already...now I know that not every thing is like this in life...but the feeling of knowing I was true to me and how I would be if their was NO Fear at all is so much more reassuring...So with that all I can say is that "I am ALL IN"...we should all be "ALL IN" no matter what stage we are in...

Being Excited while you wait...and wait...and wait...

 Image via online

This topic has been coming up alot lately in some conversations I have been having with my friends and then in Ashley's post (Make room for me)...sometimes or more like, often times we go through this huge process of getting certified to adopt and then we are like "where is our baby"...we expect it to happen right away...granted it does for some...but most of us we have to wait a time before our baby joins our family.   I think it is because we are thinking "ok I have been waiting a long time" (the trying part/dealing with infertility) and we think that as soon as we are certified it is bound to be here...unfortunately, this is not usually the case and that is ok.

Recently, I was speaking to my friend Brielle about this and she had a great way of looking at this...she said "when we get certified it is kinda like we just found out we are pregnant"...or at least we should think about it this way.  When someone is pregnant they are EXCITED the entire time! (well maybe not when they are throwing up...lol)  They aren't thinking "oh...I have to wait 9 months to see my baby...this sucks" no they are thinking "I am going to go look at baby clothes and not feel weird doing it!"  They don't care if they don't look pregnant yet!  Like WE.. tend to tell ourselves when we want to shop for the baby we will eventually have.

They don't think "I am not going to get excited about this baby or do a thing to plan until I know the babies sex or they come home from the hospital"...like WE as adoptive couples often do...They are excited for what will come and are glad to have the time to plan...They don't think about all the bad things that could happen...like WE as adoptive couples tend to focus on...When is the last time you heard a pregnant woman say "I hope I don't have a still born...my friend did"...but when was the last time you heard an adoptive couple say "I hope I don't have a failed placement like my friends had to go through, I hope they don't change their mind."  They don't walk around with tons of doubts...(yes I know there are some but you know what I mean)...they walk around with the thoughts of assumption of this is good...everything will be ok...they just TRUST...

Now, I know we aren't pregnant but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be excited during the process...this wait is like you are pregnant and the baby hasn't been born yet...we need to act like it.  Now, I know if you knew me personally, you would know that I am totally into attracting what I want into my life (law of attraction) and the BEST way to attract what you want is to FEEL the FEELINGS of having it already!  A pregnant woman is constantly feeling the feelings of having it now, way before it is visible or she can even feel the baby kick.  We also can do lots of things to feel it now...Like Ashley said...start your babies room...shop for baby clothes like you would (No one is thinking "you don't belong here in the baby section"...you know you think this! And hey if you buy boy stuff and you end up with a girl I am sure you know plenty of women at church who will have a boy for those clothes to give as gifts!).

Start to talk as if it is happening...Be happy for your friends that are having babies or have been chosen (I know this one is WAY hard) but you would want them to be happy for you...As my friend Jaymie had said last time I saw her "you will have your day."  Let's be present and joyous about these special little spirits that are coming to these families...YOUR baby is coming...

Get involved in something that will help you help others!  FSA is an amazing way to get involved and know people that are on this journey you are on...you never know who they will know!  My friend Kris' birth-mom actually met my friend Brielle prior and that is how she learned of Kris!

I know that when we help others get what they want, we get what we want and usually it happens when you are not focusing on the "why am I not getting what I want" part.  I have to say that for me this Blog came into my life at the perfect moment...I truly love being able to try to help us all in this journey...I love that we have been gaining in our exposure (just google - LDS Adoption and we are on the 1st page!)...this blog is my way of helping others get what they want...I love that I can help you be featured to your possible birth mom or the one that may see your profile and then tell your birth mom!  This blog has helped me so much...and has helped me when waiting...I am so thankful for all of you that read this blog and what it has given me...

On the Lord's Timing

I have hunted for this video because I just loved it so much even WAY before we ever considered adoption...Heavenly Father's plan and timing is ALWAYS what is best for us even when we are like "Please just let this be it Heavenly Father!"  He knows what we need and He KNOWS how we need to be prepared to receive it...I know many of us wish it could be His plan but our timing but that isn't how it works is it...We would never feel the overwhelming Joy if everytime we just got what we wanted when we wanted it...We would maybe never want for the things He knows we would really want if we didn't face adversity and struggle...He knows whats best...

Just click here to watch the video...

I just love this song....

Many of you have probably heard this song before but many of you might not have...I just love how the song came to be written...you can read about that here if you would like...

     FROM GOD'S ARMS TO MY ARMS TO YOURS LYRICS 

      by Michael McLean

 With so many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure.
  If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
  But lately I've been thinking, 'cause it's all I've had to do.
  And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.

  [Chorus]

  And maybe, you can tell your baby when you love him so that he's been loved before.
  By someone who delivered your son, From God's arms to my arm's to yours.
 

  Now if you choose to tell him and if he wants to know.
  How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go.
  Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors.
   And knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours.

  {Repeat Chorus}

  Now I know you don't have to do this, but could you kiss him once for me?
  The first time that he ties his shoes or falls and skins his knee,
  And could you hold him twice as long when he makes his mistakes.
  Tell him that he's not alone, sometimes that's all it takes -
  I know how much he'll ache.

  This may not be the answer for another girl like me.
  And I'm not on a soapbox saying how we all should be.
  I'm just trusting in my feelings and I'm trusting God above.
  And I'm trusting you can give our baby both his mother's love.

  {Repeat Chorus} 

 

Adoption Gift

via internet

Thank you, Deanna, for your advice on your last blog post! I really believe that if we show exactly who we are in our profiles, our birth Mom will be prompted as to whom she should pick. And from Monday's post, I love the idea of having a party for friends and family when we are certified to adopt and at the year anniversary of when we were certified as well. It shows a lot of hope and a lot of faith and that is awesome.

This past Mother's Day a lot of thought was given to mothering and how to mother. I was especially thoughtful knowing that I would not be pregnant anytime this year, but knowing that adoption is definitely possible. This year even. I found this blog post entitled "Adoption Gift" that made me cry and I wanted to share it with you. Here it is- www.designmom.com Enjoy!

Lots of adoption love, Megan

Baby Chris and his Adoption Story...

Hi my name is Stacey. I have a hubby named Eric that I fell in love and married 7 years ago, just this month. We have a 5 year old girl named Ava, 3 year old girl named Devery (they are both biological), and we just adopted our son Chris 9 months ago. Oh, and how can I forget our wonderful dog Bo…?

I am so thankful for the chance to be a guest blogger on LDS Adoption Connection. I have written our story a couple times only because each time I do, I feel like it’s way to long. I then edit it, but feel like you are missing way to many of the great details. So if you are interested in reading more or about our finalization and sealing day please visit our blog.

After having our second daughter, my doctor informed us that it would be a long hard road for me to get pregnant again. Oct of 2009 we decided to start the adoption process through LDS Family Services. We started the paper work, back ground checks, physicals, and calling to make copies of everything to hand in. I took hours, every night filling out the questions about ourselves and trying to write something about ourselves that didn’t sound like we were trying to sell ourselves in a commercial.

One of the hardest questions that we had to answer was –open or closed adoption?- Through our process of becoming qualified to adopt we were required to go to a two day seminar to help us better prepare and understand adoption. We loved it! There were 4 panels of people that have adopted, have placed for adoption and were placed for adoption. At one point I looked over at Eric and he was teary eyed. There it was, our answer. We wanted an open adoption.

Feb of 2010, our profile was posted on itsaboutlove.org and I couldn't have been more excited. Weeks went by and nothing, then months went by and nothing. In June, we got a few e-mails from a boy that was interested in placing, but his girl friend was not, and then nothing again.

Aug 3^rd 2010, our caseworker called us and said that there was a couple that would like to meet us. I don’t remember anything she said after that. All I wanted to do was hang up and call Eric, then my mom, then his mom, then anyone else that would pick up there phone. Two days later we met Chris and Kristi that were due in 7 weeks and having a boy. We spent a couple hours talking then they went out of the room to take a break. When they walked in they gave us a picture of our family with me holding a little boys hand.

They picked us!!

I was so nervous that they would change their minds, that I didn’t tell anyone. I even had my sister in law call me that night to see how it went and I lied to her. In the next couple of weeks we met up with them a few more times and even met Kristi’s parents.

Aug 31, I got a call “ Hi this is Chris” then I say “are we having a baby?” We spent 8 hours in the hospital visiting with their families when baby Chris came into the world.

I got to be in the room during the delivery and Eric came in right after. Chris also let us share the time with him while we all gave baby Chris his first bath.

The Day of placement came and we were sick to our stomachs, just pacing around our house. Every "what if" came across our minds and people would not stop calling to see how it was going. We were not only nervous for us, but because we had fallen in love with Chris and Kristi.  We knew how hard it was going to be for them. When we arrived at the hospital there was a lot of waiting and even more paper work. Then the time came when Kristi held Chris in her arms, gave him a kiss on the forehead, and then placed him in my arms.

We just love adoption and our wonderful son, Chris. We love Chris and Kristi and their families. We thank our Heavenly Father for this amazing blessing in our lives. 

IT IS...Ok to feel...

I have been feeling that I should re-post this post on LDS Adoption Connection from my personal Blog since I wrote it and after meeting up on Saturday night with my Adoption girl group, I decided I should....I am sure their are many of you that have felt or feel how I have felt...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

IT IS... ok to feel...

Well, I was sitting here and thinking and realized I have had something change in me recently. All of a sudden I feel not afraid to put it out there...let me explain. When we first decided to adopt I was scared and embarrassed to talk about why we had decided to adopt...I don't mean we had any issues with the part of loving a child as our own that we adopted...I mean more of the part of having to talk about my feelings and with strangers, having to say that we have issues somehow in the reproducing department, especially when you are in a ward like mine which could be known as a baby factory..lol. I didn't want to have to tell anyone I was hurting or feel as if I was the one with the problem needing the ear.

Now you have to understand that I am the friend that is typically the "tough girl" emotionally. I love to talk and I love to tell it like it is...I have no problem sharing how I feel about someone or something and showing affection. But, when it comes to sharing my insecurities or a not so obvious problem with anyone...now that is really REALLY hard for me. It's even hard sometimes for me to tell my Mom when I feel sad unless it is obvious. I have always been the type of girl that ran as fast as I could away from having to think about something that is emotionally sad for me. I have been the master of distraction in this department. I have been through alot of difficult things emotionally and gotten thru with it being the tough girl. But with this I can't be. I have to think about it...If I avoid it I won't have what I want and my children may not get to me.

At first I was unsure how to talk about it or acted like I didn't really care about certain stuff (code for me not wanting to feel at the risk of feeling sad)and just felt like we will just do what we can and go on...but now I feel like, "why was I like that?" Maybe because I didn't feel I really belonged in the group with the other couples hoping to adopt or who had adopted since I had given birth to a baby before.

I felt like why would someone want to pick us to care for their baby if there are people who have never had a baby and I had? Even though James has never had the baby experience why would they want us since we have Abbe? (Abbe was 4 when James and I met) I felt bad for having felt what it was like to have a baby...I felt like I didn't deserve to be with these other women who some know why they hadn't conceived.

But, what I have realized is that all of us that are wanting to Adopt, all have worthy reasons. I have realized that IT IS ok to be sad that I can't for some reason conceive a child with James and that I wish more than anything that we could but know that is not Heavenly Father's plan right now. I have to remember that IT IS ok that I feel sad that when I think about when I had Abbe that not everything was perfect or ideal. That IT IS ok that I wish I could have been in a more prepared state when I had Abbe. That IT IS ok for me to feel sad at the thought that I would have savored every moment when I was pregnant with Abbe if I had known I may not ever have that again. IT IS ok that I feel sad that James is the absolute Love of my Life and I have not been able to experience this with him. IT IS ok for me to want this for us and for it to be hard emotionally. IT IS ok for me to talk about it.

I feel that Heavenly Father obviously knows why we are to go through this and why I have to work through these feelings and can't just run and hide under the covers. I know that this has made me stronger already...I do sometimes think I wish Heavenly Father would give us a break a bit...lol...if its not one struggle it's another. I wonder sometimes what His purpose is for me in all of this.

I wonder what will come...How will we look back on this in 5 years...I wonder what we will say about this time in our life. I guess if I look back at my life even 2 yrs ago it would have been hard/almost impossible for me to see how beautifully everything has fallen into place from then...back then we had some really hard trials emotionally and I know now without a doubt I am one strong woman to make it through that...there were days that it was so hard for me to see past tomorrow ...But I do know that I would have never gotten through if it weren't for Heavenly Father that I could turn to...A Heavenly Father who gave me a wonderful family...A wonderful Family who blessed me with the most wonderful husband that loves Abbe and me more than anything...

So as I ramble, I know that IT IS ok to do all that I can to help our birthmom to find us and us her and find our baby. I don't need to be embarrassed or feel weird about it...I should be proud that she is out there caring for our sweet little baby that will soon be here and that we want to find her. IT IS ok.

I can do all things...

On a side note from adoption, I had to get three cavities filled yesterday.

I hate going to the dentist and I hate getting cavities filled.

So when I found out that 1 cavity to be filled had changed to three I was apprehensive to say the least.

Then came the gauze, the numbing gel and the two shots in the mouth. In the mouth!!! On the second one, that was actually in the roof of my mouth, I yelled out loud. I have never done this before. Not while getting an epidural, not while getting a root canal and definitely not at the dentist. I was hurt and a little embarrassed and began to cry.

Someone gave me a tissue and they proceeded to work. I had just finished reading a talk from April's General Conference on my smart phone and all I could think about was this quote:

"Not one of the trials and tribulations we face is beyond our limits, because we have access to help from the Lord. We can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us." (More Than Conquerors through Him That Loved Us, by Paul V. Johnson)

Mostly it was the last part that I kept repeating in my head "I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." I repeated that over and over until a peaceful calmness came over me.

I know that whatever we are going through is for our benefit and gain. The storm comes before the morning dawn. The terrible Friday when Christ was crucified came before his Sunday Resurrection.

And when friend after friend becomes pregnant.

And when month and month brings no baby.

And when your Mother heart just yearns for that little one.

He is there. He is watching. He knows what you can handle. He knows what you need.

And just when you think you can't take it any longer, He helps you make it just a little further. Time and time again.

This is my adoption blog post. My name is Megan.

One in Six!

I recently read this article Dealing with Infertility and Childlessness thought some of you might think this is interesting too...I have heard 1 in 6 couples before like it states but for some reason never thought about this.  That is ALOT of couples...I attend a ward that is enormous in the sense that it has over 190 children in the primary alone (yes it is a baby factory....j/k) and when I think of this, this is hard for me to think this is true but what I don't know is the struggle that many may have had to have those children or that in someone else's ward they may have more infertile couples than mine...

The article states:

Couples who are not able to have children may experience a wide spectrum of feelings—jealousy, despair, envy, isolation, and bitterness. They may feel singled out for an ordeal few others seem to experience, and they might find it difficult to fit into social circles where everyone else has children. The anguish can go so deep that seeing a baby can feel like a knife in their hearts.

I know I have felt like this before!  There have been times when I don't even know what to say...My husband and I raise my 10 year old daughter whom I had before I met my husband.  James and I don't have any children together and people assume we are done or only want(ed) one...Little have they known that we desperately have wanted children for years...

It further states:

Men and women tend to react somewhat differently to infertility. Women often experience profound grief and sadness. They tend to cry a lot and to reduce their anxiety by talking about what they're experiencing. Men, on the other hand, express fewer anguished feelings and seem to be less affected by being childless. They generally don't feel as free to talk about their feelings and tend to have less opportunity to discuss them with friends. 

How many of you are the cry-ers?  That is me for sure...not recently but it comes in waves...I am sure you can relate!

I especially liked this part of the article but think it can most definitely apply to friends as well...unless you have struggled with infertility yourself or have had a person really close to you go through it, you most likely don't get it and can risk saying some really dumb things to those that struggle even though you never intended to:

 

What Can Family Members Do to Help?

Couples struggling with childlessness need support from family members and friends. However, it's important not to be intrusive into this very private dimension of a marriage. Here are a few tips to help the ones you love.

• Show understanding and acceptance.
• Listen without giving advice.
• Let the couple know you are there for them.
• Don't ask a woman if she is pregnant.
• Give the couple respect and privacy.
• Don't offer false hope.
• Don't joke about infertility.
• Don't suggest solutions, such as infertility treatments, adoption, or foster parenting. These are options that should be privately discussed between a couple.
• Don't offer the commonly repeated misinformation that a woman who adopts often gets pregnant soon after.
• Learn about infertility so you can be an informed listener.

After reading this list they should also add if the couple is certified to adopt and waiting to be chosen by a Birth-mother DO NOT ASK

"So How is the Adoption Going?"

I know people are just trying to be caring but really this HAS got to be the worst question you could ever ask someone that is wanting to adopt and waiting.   Trust me they will tell you first or you will see them with a child and by this you will know "How the Adoption is Going."  By asking this it only brings up the painful reminder that they still aren't parenting the child they so desperately pray for or that a birth-mother has not chosen them to care for their child...

Instead ask them "Is there anything I or we can do to help with your Adoption?"  This shows you are thinking about them and they might really need your help!  Ask them if they have Pass-a-long cards that you can help give or if they have a blog/site you can link to your email signature for others to see.  Trust me they will always remember you asked and that you cared instead of thinking about the fact that they are still waiting!  Hey and you never know you may just be the one that helped them find their baby!

If you want to read the entire article you can click here

 **Original article was written by Jeremy S. Boyle, Research Assistant, edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.