Sixteen and a Mom...

All I know is I just watched this and I am still teary...ALL of you need to watch this.... birth mom's and women considering placing for Adoption should too.  My husband ended up seeing it on TV about a month ago and kept saying "Deanna you have got to find this movie and watch it" I should have watched it sooner but I can see now why it touched him so dearly since Audri had just been placed with us.  I am so thankful for the selfless sacrifice that Audri's birthmother made for her and us...there are no words....

**This is a full uninterrupted version...**

That we may "Not...Shrink"...

James and I had a friend text us last night in the middle of the night about this talk and that it made him think of us...I think the friend probably thought James had his phone muted since it was around midnight when we got the text which means our friend was watching at 1 am Idaho time! lol

Anyways, back to my point...I watched this while I got ready for church this morning and boy oh boy was this GOOD!  I am going to watch it again today so I can gain some better understanding of the talk.  I don't know about you but Elder Bednar has such a way of explaining things that has helped me in the past so much.

As I watched, it made me think I needed to post it here on the blog...I know I am not alone in the struggle of infertility or to grow our family...I know many of you will see what I saw when you listen to what he shared...SO so Profound.  I am grateful for amazing friends that share the love of the Gospel with us...no mater what the hour hay be...We are truly blessed.

-BTW Elder Bednar begins speaking at 19 minutes in...

-Deanna

By His light...

I just read Kurt and Shaileen's post...and I am so broken hearted for them...broken hearted is an understatement...As someone that has felt the raw despair of a devastating failed placement recently I know first hand what they feel...It is a feeling that I hope no-one ever has to experience...the feelings are so indescribable since the pain is so immense...

I am not sure why some of us have to experience such severe trials, but I do know that thru these we gain much understanding...we become better people..more resilient people...more compassionate people...more understanding people...we become who Heavenly Father wants us to ultimately be... Heavenly Father does not forget what we endure...even if we have at times felt forsaken...He is there...

In the days after what happened in our placement reversal with Emerson...I felt numb, I had no desire to eat, I felt forgotten at times, I felt love and peace even though I felt such pain, I would have waves of tears that would hit, when I noticed I was ok I felt guilty because I was so so sad, I felt like I was living in a paused nightmare-like dream so to say...thru this pain Heavenly Father was able to show me how much James and I are loved...how everyone cared so much for us even though we were barely communicating with anyone...he showed me how to ask for help when I needed it and showed us how to allow others to help us...before this I would not have asked... 

When I read what Kurt wrote he reminded me of James (my husband)...both are such incredibly strong men...You can see how Kurt loves Shaileen so much...and how his heart breaks for her pain...I am not sure how to describe how this pain feels...seeing your spouse in such anguish is again nothing I would ever want anyone to experience...Kurt is an extremely strong man...as James, Heavenly Father prepared them to care for their wives...to console them...to strengthen them...to be the one to speak for them...to hold them...

In closing, I ask that all of you take the time to pray for them, pray for K as Kurt asked, pray for baby boy, pray for them to have understanding and peace...for them to feel all the love we and those around them feel for them, pray for them to feel closer to each other and the Savior more than ever...And lastly, when you do read their post please leave a comment...you all have no idea how much those comments on my posts and Facebook or in emails meant to me and James and still do...even though they may not respond at this time they will remember them and it DOES make a difference...

Kurt and Shaileen's blogpost:

 http://shaileenandkurt.blogspot.com/2013/03/failed-adoption-placement-2.html

We need your prayers and faith!

Shared with the permission of the Little Family:

So so sad and broken hearted...

"Let thy Cry come near before thee, O Lord: give me understanding according to thy world" - Psalms 119:169

I feel very numb at the moment...I have gone through so many emotions in the past few hours and wonder why and can only ask for Heavenly Father to help me understand what has just happened...

There are no words to explain what our family is going through as well as our extended family. PLEASE PLEASE Pray for us...Pray for Emerson....we miss him so dearly already...Jules revoked her relinquishment yesterday afternoon after 4 weeks and LDS Family Services came for Emerson and brought him back to California...

Jules is set to place him with a cousin now...A wonderful cousin who is pro adoption and has even adopted and even congratulated us about our adoption from this blog...My heart is broken...

I PRAY for these cousins to seek confirmation and to pray to pray fervently about this ....

PRAY for Emerson to be surrounded by guardian Angels..I swear he see's them all the time...

PRAY for Jules to REMEMBER why she chose us and the Spiritual experience she had at the Temple and the confirmation she received....

We love Emerson so much and I have never felt pain like this ever in my life...I feel like I have been forced to give my child away, I never made any choices to create this feeling and we did everything right...the only feeling that I can compare to this would be the death of a child...I am a mess...James and I have gone through so much in our quest to grow our family and are at a loss...Abbe is unbelievably heartbroken...Her little brother was taken away, and I have never heard her cry like she has...why would someone do this...please Heavenly Father help me to feel peace and comfort even if I can not understand ones reasoning...

We love you Emerson...It is so hard that you are not here...your sweet spirit..your little lambie grunts, your beautiful blue eyes and baby smell...We long for you to be with us again...

"Lead me in thy truth, and teach me;for thou art the God of my Salvation; on thee do I wait all day." - Psalms 25:5

"Remember , O Lord thy Tender Mercies and thy lovingkindness; for they have been ever of old" - Psalms 25:6

Finding Faith in the face of a Failed Placement...

                                

Hi! Our names are Josh and Elise. Elise is a part of an Adoptive Mom Group with Deanna, one of the new blog administrators, and she has asked us to share a little bit about our adoption journey thus far.

We have been married for 7 years and trying to conceive for 6 1/2 years. We prayerfully decided to begin the adoption process last August and were officially certified to adopt in December. By the end of January we had heard from four birthmoms and by the second week in February we had been chosen by a birthmom who was due in March. Our friends and family rallied and threw three wonderful showers and we went to work painting and decorating a nursery for the little boy that we were planning to welcome into our family! To make a long story short, the baby was born at the end of March and after 12 days on the craziest emotional rollercoaster of waiting, praying and hoping, the birthmom decided to parent the baby.

It was such a shock, we had not seen this decision coming after all of the communication between us and the birthmom and how supportive her family had been. We were looking forward to bringing the baby home and enjoying all of the wonderful blessings and experiences of an open adoption.  To say we were devastated is an understatement. But, equally surprising to both of us was how hopeful we still felt about adoption being the way we would begin our family. So less than 24 hours later, we put our profile back up and began again the search. It has not been an easy road, because even though we had faith that Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for our lives and that there is still a baby out there that is meant to be in our family, we still have been facing the loss of the baby that we met and held those few days in the hospital. We have a room in our house that is full of tiny little clothes and every item of baby furniture one might need and though we know that it won't go unused, it's still hard not to wonder how long it will be before we will need all of it.

Now, nearly a month has passed and we can honestly look back and see how much our lives have been touched by this experience. We have had the oppportunity to become "Adoption Warriors", advocating for adoption whenever we can, sharing our hope to adopt and expressing to whoever will listen how awesome birthmoms are and what a miracle we believe adoption is. There is so much depth to be found from a failed placement because we were so close to reaching our dreams only to end up right at the beginning, back on the search of finding our birthmom. It's so humbling.

We have learned there is so much comfort that can come through the healing powers of the atonement. We have learned that you also have to allow your Heavenly Father and your friends and family in. Elise has a good friend who just lost her mother tragically and she put things in perfect perspective when she said that really trusting the Lord means that we have faith to trust him with the little things and then we will have no problem turning over the big things. We are so grateful for the opportunity to adopt because when else can you witness the Lord's hand so obviously manifested in your life. We pray daily for our birthmom and the sweet babe that is meant to be in our home and are looking forward to the rest of our journey. Enjoying the journey has taken on a whole new meaning...so glad we have each other to hold onto while we make it!

If you or someone that you know has experience a failed placement, we are here to listen, have a few shoulders to cry on and can be reached at our blog: http://www.joshnelise.blogspot.com/. Also, feel free to stop on by to find out more about us to or even to learn a bit more about our story. Oh yeah and by the way, we are still hoping to adopt! Tell somebody! It's going to be awesome, we just know it!!!!

Love & Best Adoption Wishes, Josh and Elise