Guest Post: Brittnee

Yesterday I received a very heartfelt email from a hopeful adoptive mama who is in the midst of the journey and wanted to share her thoughts and feelings with those out there who may be going through the same thing. Thanks for opening your heart to all of us,Britnee, and best wishes on your journey to find the little one meant to be in your family! -Elise

Adoption Blesses Lives

I always thought adoption would be easy. For us, I thought the getting here would be the hardest part. It took us five years as a couple to decide that we were both ready to adopt. One day I would be ready, the next I wouldn’t and vice versa. We were never ending up on the same page. Then one Sunday, in the middle of sacrament meeting, I turned to my husband and I said it’s time. I felt such an overwhelming peace that we were going to be blessed through adoption. My husband asked for some time to ponder his feelings and in the end he agreed, it was time! We called our local LDSFS the next day! We were totally lucky, the orientation meeting was scheduled for Thursday, (only a three day wait) and the FSA education courses that are offered twice a year were starting the following month, only three weeks away. We got our paperwork done quickly, had our interviews, and completed our home study in record time. We were approved and online just nine weeks to the day that we originally started our journey. I just knew that because everything had lined up so absolutely perfect, it would be a matter of months before we were placed with a baby. I even set a deadline that I just “knew” in my heart would be the timeline for bringing baby home, December 2010. 

That time came and went. Nothing. We came up on our first year and inevitably a home study renewal. We had just purchased our first home and graduated from college so we were sure these two things would drastically increase our chances. We eagerly started again, but this time we opted to also have our profile shared with the Department of Health and Welfare. Four months in, we got a call about a sibling group of 3. We were sure this was our time. After praying and pondering, we knew these kids were not ours. There was a family who could provide them so much more than we could at that time. We were ready for one, we worried about how we could care for three. It was heartbreaking and we worried that we might be walking away from our only chance but we said no and then we started waiting and searching again. Our second year passed and we were so doubtful about renewing again. We prayed and with some guidance from our priesthood leaders, felt like we should continue. Towards the end of our second year, we had been working on fertility treatments simultaneously and were so exhausted and burned out by it all. We decided that this third year would most likely be our final one. Only three months in, we decided it was time to move on. We would continue to wait for the adoption, but we stopped all fertility treatments at this time. We began to work on healing.

Here’s the thing, and I’m ashamed to say it, but I often longed for a miscarriage, a failed placement, or even to be scammed. I just longed for someone to notice us or want us and I longed to feel like there was a chance, that maybe we’d be parents someday. When we finally gave up and started to feel whole again, we had a private adoption opportunity that didn’t work out. We were so close. The baby was due in only fourteen days and we were literally waiting for the final yes. The birth mother selected another family in the end. Surprisingly, we were okay. We were heart broken, but we felt whole. We knew that this was an answer to our prayers. We knew that this was a key telling us to hold on a little longer. Since then, we’ve had a few opportunities sent our way. In fact, our profile is being handed off to a birth mother tomorrow for consideration. Although we aren’t the only couple being considered, we feel so blessed to have come this far.

Our journey isn’t over yet, but as I said in the beginning, I knew we would be blessed by adoption and I can honestly attest that we have. There is something so sweet and exciting about the process, that only those who have gone through it can really appreciate. We have learned so many wonderful things and we have grown and changed along the way. Most of all, our marriage has been strengthened ten-fold. I don’t know where we’ll be in a few days or years, or if and when we’ll be parents, but I do know that adoption blesses and changes lives! -Brittnee

Thanks again Brittnee for contacting me and sharing your thoughts! Check out more about Brittnee on her adoption profile at https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24679131/ourMessage.jsf

Guest Post: Profile Tips By Elizabeth

Hi readers! We recently got to read a little bit about Elizabeth's family and their experience with adopting their beautiful daughter. Today we get to know some of Elizabeth's suggestions as a former social worker. She has some great advice on how to make your profile more appealing! Enjoy! -Elise

Tips For Your Adoption Profile

As an adoption social worker, part of my job was helping adoptive couples create a good profile. As this was for adoptions through foster care, a matching committee made up of adoption professionals was the ones reviewing the profiles. However, many of the principles are the same. Let me preface this by saying these are just suggestions, if they don't feel right for you, don't use them!

Profile Picture:

*Color catches the eye. For example, if I was looking through the 800+ profiles on the LDS website, the people in muted and/or earth tones would fade into the background if I was browsing. A person in bright yellow, or standing by bright flowers would stand out.

*While a professional picture is not necessary, a professional looking one is, meaning, try not to use a picture of you standing around a birthday cake, at the lake, etc.  Also I would not suggest very casual clothes like beach wear, flip flops, etc.

* Don't get lost in your landscape. Crop your picture so that you and your spouse/family fill in the space.

Intro Sentence:

*Keep it simple and from the heart. Try not to be too over-the-top or desperate (like Pick Us! Pick Us!). A potential birth parent is going through indescribable emotions as they review these profiles and a loving/peaceful/comforting introduction is going to appeal to them much more than a desperate/overly eager one.

* Only post your blog address if you feel comfortable with hundreds, if not thousands, of bored people looking at your blog. If a potential birth parent is interested in you, you can give it to them in private/through email.

Letter to Potential Birth Parents:

*I asked both birth mothers who chose us what appealed to them from our profiles. Both said that they liked that we didn't talk about God/Heavenly Father a lot and did not present ourselves as being overbearingly religious. Because neither was LDS (or even really knew what it was) and a good chunk of potential birth parents are not religious or have any affiliation with the LDS church. So while it may be your tendency to bear your testimony through your letter, know that this will only be appealing to a certain demographic.

*Carefully consider what level of openness (letters, phone calls, identifying information, visits, etc.) in an adoption you would want and talk about it in your letter. This is likely the most important information a potential birth parent will want to know about. Please give this careful consideration as you only want to promise what you really truly can commit to.

 Photo Albums:

* Again, only post pictures that you are comfortable with having a lot of strangers (most of whom are not even potential birth parents) looking at. Don't you just hate those profiles statistics? They creeped me out!

*Use pictures that show what you like to do so that a potential birth parent knows if you have the lifestyle/hobbies they are looking for in adoptive parents.

* One of the birth mothers who chose us said we appealed to her because she was African American and we had posted pictures in our album with our African American friends. She felt we could give her child connections to her culture. If you have similar friendships and are open to a transracial adoption, it would be important for a potential birth parent to see the connections you could provide to a child.

General:

*Try not to present yourselves as "too" anything.... too perfect (because no one is), too reserved (could seem indicative of future behavior), too detailed (save that for communication through email or in person), or just "too" anything!

* Review, update, and edit your profile every 6 months.

 Hopefully, some of these tips helped you. Please remember while it is important to present yourself well through a profile, it is even more important to be 100% truthful in how you present yourselves. These tips are not supposed to help to trick a potential birth parent into choosing you as adoptive parents but are meant to help you present yourself in the best possible way so that a connection or interest may be made more easily between you and a potential birth parent. -Elizabeth

Guest Post-Devin

Hi everyone! We are the Payne's~ Jared, Devin, and Ayden. I was asked by Elise to share Ayden's adoption story! I am thrilled to!

Let me start out by letting you all know we are foster parents. OH! I most also warn you, I'm great at remembering exact dates and times, so yeah... That being said, here's our story.

We got a call about 8:30 a.m. on Mon., Sept. 26, 2011 asking us to accept a placement. This placement was a baby less then 12 hours old! We accepted and later found out that this baby is a boy and other information regarding the case. We brought Ayden home from the NICU about 3 1/2 weeks later. We went on assuming Ayden would eventually go home to his birth parents, even though all "signs" were pointing towards adoption. We tried to have faith that his bio parents would do the things necessary to gain custody of Ayden again.

We would have as much contact with his bio parents as the judge would allow, which wasn't much do to the circumstance of the case. One night (Jan. 31, 2012 to be exact :o) )we went over to where Ayden's bio. great-great grandma lives. Side note: We got her address, and permission from the caseworker to go over there as long as Ayden was not with us. Anyway~ His bio parents where there that night! We just talked, caught up on what was going on since last time we had been together. During this time, his bio mom asked if we had heard they were going to relinquish! Um NO! Trying to be sensitive to their feelings but letting them know how honored we are, we talked more about the details of the relinquishment and what we were all wanting from the adoption. That was one of the most memorable nights of our lives! When we left his bios. we instantly got on our phones and called all our family members. We decided to not tell friends, put it on facebook or our blog until his bio parents had actually relinquished. They did the most selfless act they could have done for Ayden, and they signed over their rights on Feb. 08, 2012. That court hearing was the most... solemn, hard hearing we have yet to attend. I was in tears! We had the honor of legally becoming Ayden's parents on April 16, 2012. One of the best days of our lives!! We were sealed to our little miracle on May 19, 2012.

Now that the adoption is finalized, things with Ayden's bios. are a lot less tense, I'd say. We try to go over to his great-great grandma's about once a month still. We have leave it up to his bio parents when they want to see Ayden. I am friends with both bio parents on facebook. I try to put pictures up regularly, and tag his bio parents in them. We, unfortunately, don't hear from them as much as we would like... but we hope that changes in time.

So that's our Ayden's adoption story. Thanks so much for taking the time to read. Feel free to follow our blog, learn more about us at jndpayne.blogspot.com or email us at jndpayne@gmail.com. We are a pretty open book about fostering, adoption, our infertility... whatever! :o)

Thanks for sharing your story Devin. I thinks it's great to hear about different routes to adopting because foster to adopt is often overlooked and it can be a wonderful way to find your family! Congratulations to the Payne's! -Elise

Guest Post: Elizabeth

Hi, my name is Elizabeth and my husband and I recently adopted our daughter through LDS Family Services. My world seems to have an adoption theme running through it, as several of my extended family members are adopted or have adopted, I spent much of my off time in college working in international orphanges, and I worked as an adoption social worker for several years (in foster care adoptions and international adoptions).  

In a fateful turn of events, when I was dating my husband I told him I never wanted to have biological children because I felt a strong call to adopt. Flash forward several years to when we discovered my husband had azoospermia, rendering us 100% infertile. If that's not destiny, I don't know what is. So why would we choose to go through LDS Family Services when my experience was in other types of adoption? Well, mostly due to cost and wanting to parent a newborn. But I still think ALL kinds of adoptions are awesome and plan to adopt through those avenues in the future.

Anyways, we started the adoption process in late 2010 and were placed with our beautiful daughter Soleil on Thanksgiving day of 2011. She wasn't due until December 5th but decided to come early, which meant catching some very pricey (due to the holiday) last minute flights to Kentucky, where she was born. During the waiting process I constantly prayed for the "right" baby to join our family. I didn't pray for a girl, or a baby with blue eyes, or even a healthy baby. Just the "right" baby. 

When her birth mother chose us, my husband and I both felt a deep sense of calm and peace and....."rightness." As if that was not enough, as we were driving to the hospital on the day of Soleil's birth, my husband commented that it was a nice coincidence Soleil was born on my favorite holiday. Then I noticed we were driving on Turkey Foot road. I thought that was funny too. But when we pulled up to the hospital and noticed she had been born at St. Elizabeth Hospital, I felt the most indescribable sense of the Spirit telling me He wanted me to know that this was all His doing. And of course it was. We love our little daughter and love that we were able to develop a relationship with her birth mother and have openness in her adoption.

Due to California state requirements that you must wait 6 months post placement to finalize an adoption and a hefty backlog for available court dates, Soleil's adoption was not finalized until August 15th of this year. We will be sealed in the San Diego temple on September 8th and are so excited for this day to come! Of course our adoption process wasn't perfect, there were many irritating and frustrating complications with our paperwork and out-of-state clearances. Not to mention the emotional fall out from investing much energy into a situation where the birth mother eventually chose to parent (which ended up being a wonderful thing for her and we are still friends!). 

In the end, it is my belief that all of these things happened for a reason...so we would be led to Soleil. So whether you wait 3 months or 3 years, have a failed placement, or have glitches with your paperwork, I hope you find encouragement in the idea that maybe these things happen for a reason, which is to lead you to the right baby for you. Just as we feel we were lead to Soleil.

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us Elizabeth. So excited for your family to be sealed this weekend, what an amazing experience for your family! We look forward to a future post from Elizabeth with advice (as a former social worker) on creating profiles!  -Elise

Guest Post: Amber

So last year I attended the Southwest FSA conference and while I was there I met Amber and her hubby who were just starting out on their adoption journey. Amber wrote an awesome post this week on her personal blog. It was about the questions she is asked about their open adoption with their birthmom and I asked her if she would share it with the readers of this blog. Here is a brief intro:

"Hi my name is Amber, I am 27 years old and a new mommy through the miracle of adoption.My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I am an advocate for adoption! I love spending time with my husband and baby. I enjoy creating new things, blogging, and seeing a good movie. I am just an ordinary girl living an extraordinary life."

Here is the post:

Candace & Amber

When D turned 2 Months old we had a special visit from his birthmom. Oh goodness we were SO excited to have her at our house, and look forward to many more visits over the years. Like I have said before, I love this girl, she gave my son life <3 and she is everything to me. We had a fun time together like we always do :)



D loves his Birthmomma

ADOPTION TALK.....
I know open adoption is a foreign language to many, but things have changed-most private adoptions are open. It is for good reason - is better for all parties involved. Because of my "situation of becoming a mom through open adoption" I have had multiple people ask/say to me things like this:

1. Isn't it weird to still talk to your son's birthmom?

No, it is not. Why would it be? We became close and bonded during her pregnancy, and can you imagine the connection I have to this beautiful soul who gave birth to my son? She is our own angel. Not to mention one of the only people who loves my son as much as I do. It is a joy in my day to talk with her about her own life, and to share what we are doing as well. She is my sister and friend.

2. Isn't it hard for his birthmom to see him or see pictures of him that you post on fb, instagram?

I cannot speak for my son's birthmom and birthdad, but I feel that this is not "hard" for them, instead I think it is reassuring to them, to see him growing, being healthy, happy, and loved. I think it brings them comfort knowing what a joy, treasure, and blessing he is to us.

3. Aren't you worried she (birthmom) will try to "take him back"?

No, I am not worried. This is probably the most frustrating question.... I KNOW my son's birthmom - birthdad and I know their families, I know how they feel about my son's placement with us. I trust them FULLY. AND.....not to get technical, but there are legal steps taken to place our son in our home one being that parental rights are terminated in front of a judge. His birthparents knowingly did this to ensure our son's placement in our family. They want him to be with us!

4. Are you worried about his birthmom "bonding" with him?

No. I am not worried. Why on earth would I (having an 'OPEN' adoption) be so closed minded? My son's adoption is not a secret, to him or to anyone for that matter. Derrick will be taught to love his birthmom because she gave him life. She is a wonderful person, and Derrick will know who she is, and know that because she loves him, she placed him with our family.

5. She (birthmom) must have a rough life to give up her baby

Although there are some women that do have a 'rough life', please do not assume that ALL women who place their baby for adoption are in that catagory. Not only is it an assumption, it is hurtful and puts me on defense mode. I LOVE and ADORE and ADMIRE my son's birthmom. She is extremely mature for her age and honestly has it together more than a lot of people my own age. She knows what she wants to do with her life, she is smart, and she made a decision for her son's best interest - a selfless act that took a lot of careful thought, consideration, prayer, and courage. And please don't use the word "GIVE UP" when referring to adoption. It is so hurtful, my son was lovingly "placed" and his birthparents did not give up on him or give him up.

I hope I have been able to encourage positive thinking towards open adoption. I want to show that open adoption has brought happiness to our family. And to share some insight into this beautiful place I find myself in an OPEN and LOVING adoption. <3 <3 <3"


Isn't she awesome? What a great adoption advocate. I'm hoping she will be joining us as a guest blogger again in the future! Thanks Amber! To read more about Amber's family, check out their blog at throughlovewegrow.blogspot.com -Elise

The Raw Emotions of Placement - An Adoptive Mom Perspective

Dayna emailed me last week after I posted Stacey's experience and all I can say is wow!  Heavenly Father truly is amazing...I got her email when I was in the car about to go to an appt and I started to read it and was so engrossed in it that I could not leave the car til I was done reading...tears...it was so good and I am so thankful she felt compelled to email it to me and to share it with everyone that reads my blog...It is so touching...Thanks for sharing this Danya! - Deanna

Experience: Danya

I call our placement story unique knowing all placement and adoption stories are. But ours is unique in a different way then most since it was a constant stream of pure beauty and treachery (in my own mind and heart anyways). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing! But it was also pretty hard and scary. So here's our story.

My husband and I were elated when we were matched with a set of birth parents only 4 short weeks after our profile going active with LDS Family Services. As we got to know the situation and birth parents we become slightly hesitant; perfectly amazing birth couple, supportive birth family, wanting the same amount of openness as us - it seemed too good to be true! But we trusted in Heavenly Father and the strong feelings of love he was placing in our hearts for this birth family and baby girl. Our little one wasn't due for about 6 weeks so we started to cultivate a relationship of trust and openness with her sweet birth family. Time was an interesting mix of going way too slow and way too fast during those weeks but everything was falling into place so perfectly. Together with our birth family we made a hospital plan that did not include my husband and I being there for the birth. We were slightly disappointed but knew it was for the best since our birth mother, N, and our birth father, C, had such a large supportive family that would be there at the hospital. We agreed that we would visit the day after she was born to start bonding then have placement shortly after.

We began to fantasize about our baby girl and what she might look like. We picked out her name. We would dream about touching her soft skin and bundling her up for her first car ride home from the hospital. I even packed up her coming home outfit. So you can imagine the shock that followed when our dear N called me about a week before Little Lady L was due to let us know that they had not changed their minds about the adoption plan, they were still firmly committed, BUT they needed more time with Little Lady L to say goodbye. Instead of having placement from the hospital they planned to take her home for a week so that they and their family could process their goodbyes. I remember that phone call all too clearly. Fear shot through me. I trusted N with all my heart but just a few months earlier a close friend of ours had experienced a particularly devastating failed placement. It started with the birth mother saying she needed just a couple more days, taking the baby home, and then deciding to parent. My husband and I were so torn between trust and fear that we hardly knew how to react. We told N that we trusted and supported their decision. To be honest, we were dying inside. Was this the beginning of the end? Maybe things were too good to be true.

After a phone call of tears to our amazingly patient case worker we began to pray... hard. In our minds we didn't have a choice, we just had to trust N and C that they did just need some time and that they would be honest with us if they were changing their plan to place. I became exceptionally defensive (and still am) of N and C's decision to keep her for a week. We decided we would only tell our closest family of their choice until after the fact. The last thing we needed was a barrage of well intended yet hurtful reminders of what might happen.

Finally Little Lady L's induction date came and N was put into labor. N and C were so sweet and kept us posted via text message all day long of changes in labor. At 8:41pm our Little Lady made her grand appearance into this world. It was a small picture and message but it was the sweetest one we had ever received. We were completely smitten. The next day we went to the hospital to meet our daughter. I cannot express the peace we felt as we walked into N's room and held our baby girl. In those moments we knew things would be OK. The following day N was released from the hospital and took Little Lady L home, to her birth home, in an outfit picked out by her birth mother. That hurt a little. Part of me wanted that experience so badly.

I don't know how but Heavenly Father helped us find patience and peace that week. We kept busy as possible preparing for our daughter's arrival home, to our home. We visited again that Thursday at N's house and for the first time I was able to step outside of my own selfish desires and realize why this time was so desperately needed by our birth family. I'll never forget as we were saying goodbye and walking out of the front door when our visit ended I nearly burst into tears. Not of fear or pain but of joy! The Spirit spoke so strongly to my heart that this was right. That if we were patient our time with our daughter would come but they needed her first. I was so indescribably grateful that they had chosen to take this week with her! Even today it fills my heart with joy that they had those few precious moments to cherish. 

Sunday was finally here. Placement day. How do you describe placement? Pure joy for yourself. Guilt for that joy knowing your joy meant someone else's hurt. Someone you loved, no less. We arrive at N and C's LDS Family Services office and waited patiently in the lobby. They were already in the back having their last moments as Little Lady L's parents. My heart hurt so bad for them. My husband, and I sat silently across from our caseworker. I don't think words were needed as we waited. After a while N, C, their mothers, and our Little Lady entered the room. Those were tearful consuming embraces we exchanged. We sat for a while and talked about Little Lady L's health and schedule. We took some pictures and hugged some more. It was time. N was ready. I could see determination in her pained face as she gently placed our daughter in my arms. Pain, joy, and everything in between. Emotions were palpable. There weren't many words that could be said after that. Everyone could feel it. It was time to go. N and C wanted us to leave first. I don't think they could stand walking away. We understood.

Once we exited the building I stopped being strong for everyone else and cried for the first time during placement. First they were confused tears, not knowing how to feel, not knowing what I was allowed to or should feel. Finally I allowed myself a few moments of unrestrained, guilt-free joy. I wanted to jump in the air do a fist pump and yell, "Whoohoo!" I didn't. I felt the urge to run to my car and speed away so I could show my beautiful baby to the world. I didn't. I just sat down, buckled Little Lady L in snugly, kissed her cheeks, and told her how much her birth family loves her.

In the end I realized that what placement came down to. It was an act of complete and pure love."

Mrs. D
"The Adoption Advocate"
on Facebook

The Raw Emotions of Placement - An Adoptive Mom's Perspective

Most of us that get on the road to adoption are like a fish out of water...we have no idea of what to expect or what to even ask...we listen and listen and try to learn but all we really know is what we want and that is a baby in our family....I think alot of things are scarier when we have no idea of what to expect, but when we know something it helps greatly...These posts are of  views and experiences from women who have gone through placement. They know what it feels like to see someone make the hardest choice in their life and selflessly place their sweet baby in the hands of another who they chose to raise their baby. They know what it feels like to have a bittersweet happiness...I have asked them to share with all of us their take and how they dealt with it...be prepared they are going to tell it like it is...I wanted them to because that will help all of us...there will be no holding back..just raw unedited feelings... - Deanna

EXPERIENCE: Stacey

The Baby hunger started and we knew that we had another baby waiting for us.  The emotion started for me in knowing it was my fault we couldn't conceive on our own.  So many nights I had cried because of feeling guilty.  After some time had passed we decided to adopt and then all I could think of was "getting" a baby. As we started our road to adopt, we had a couple of contacts along the way.  I think at first I saw birth-mom's and objects.  They were a baby holder for my baby.  Through the process of waiting my Heavenly Father taught me a lesson of patience and compassion.

Months later we met our birth family. We saw them face to face with tears and all. It was hard to look them in the face while they talked about their baby and how much they love him. They talked about placement and it made me sick to my stomach thinking that I am the person taking this child away from them.

In the few weeks that we had to prepare for this baby boy we had met with the birth family many times and built a good relationship with them. Then placement came... the people that we have grown to love, the people that are giving us the amazing gift walk into the room with their baby. Their eyes so puffy from crying and tears rolling down their cheeks. I wasn’t worried about the baby at that point. I just wanted to hold and hug them and make things better. I wanted to bring the baby home but also wanted them too. They could live with us ... right?

We were so excited to finally have our baby in our arms but we still wept for them and their pain. I emailed the family almost every day for the first couple of months. Every time he pooped, spit up, slept longer than normal. I wanted them to be apart of him, a part of us. I was of course worried that I wouldn't love him as much as my biological kids. Lucky for us that never happened. The first night he was home I knew he was ours and I loved him all the same.

I started to worry around the time he turned 2 months. He didn’t look at us, smile, or do much at all. “Oh no, he really doesn’t like us.” I thought. After meeting with our caseworker she reassured us that if he was snuggling into us and we could calm him just by holding him then we he has bonded with us.

So we went to see his pediatrician. He said that he has some concerns but to wait for his next apt and we would go from there. If I thought I felt guilty before now I really feel this over powering feeling of guilt that I have done something wrong to cause our little boy to be this way. What is wrong? What could it be? I kept this from the birth family for months, I was too scared to tell them. We later found out that he was born with underdeveloped muscles and that he would need physical therapy. I couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to tell the birth family that something was wrong. Did I do this to him? What if I would have played with him more or made him do more tummy time or should I have kept the other kids away from his so that he wouldn't have gotten over simulated? I knew I had to tell them sometime.

They were going to see him again at 6 months and he still couldn't hold his head. I told them in an email around 5 months and was so thankful for their response back. They just reassured me that I was his mom and that they know they made the right decision. Still the guilt, what now?

Chris is 10 months old now. His birth parents have started to moved on, but I often wonder why can't I? Every time I look at his blonde curly hair I think of his birth Dad or his eyes and lips that he got from his birth Mom. I want them to be with us, I want them to want to be with him. I want them to be around and a part of our family. Why don't they want that? What if they don't want an open adoption anymore.


It sounds funny, I know! Before placement we were worried that they would want to be around all the time and we wouldn't want it. I guess things change, maybe it is some of the guilt that is still there, the guilt that I get to have this beautiful baby boy to love and to hold for all eternity and they get pictures. But maybe I just want to share it with them...

I love our baby boy and I love our birth family. I also love the adoption and hope to adopt again but I also pray that one day I can too move on from this guilt. I am so thankful for all that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with and the joy that our baby boy brings to my family.

**Just after I was wrote this post I was invited to go and see both the birth mom's family and the birth dad and his family and new wife. Check out our blog for the full story. I am blessed to have so many questions answered through this wonderful visit.**

.

Two Miracles through Open adoptions

Hello to all the amazing women and men out there that are involved in the adoption world!!

My name is Jaymie. I am a woman of MANY words. (I talk to much) I have debated on how to write our beautiful story of our family in a few paragraphs! Hey who says it has to be a few paragraphs? I will try and keep it as short and sweet as best as I can. 

1st greatest blessing of my life: My Hubby

 I married my high school sweetheart & the love of my life.  The man I KNOW I will be with for the eternities. The man that lights up my life.  The man I know my life will be filled with HUGE amounts of happiness, because he is a part of it. The man Heavenly Father knew I needed by my side to get through life’s ups and downs.  The man that held me while we dealt with our infertility, but also gave me the strength to strive to make a hard situation one that we could learn & grow from.

                                                      

2nd greatest blessing of my life: My Daughter Henslee

After going through all the “fun” infertility treatments over and over we decided that if we were not pregnant by Jan 2009 we would start the adoption process.  Oh wait, did I say "fun" I meant the worst not fun thing of my life! Well, January came around and no pregnancy. The adoption process started. We were so excited.  We planned on going into it wanting a very closed adoption. We wanted to be able to have our “Own” family. We wanted to say Thank you to the birth mom and then run with our little bundle of joy in the other direction.  We were able to attend the adoption academy in February to start our adoption journey. After the academy our hearts were changed. We came away wanting so bad to have an open adoption. I wrote in my journal that night............Today I was able to gain a greater understanding of Birth mothers. The love, sacrifice & uncertainty of placing their baby for adoption. I have a new strong love for them. I now realize this is a journey we will do together with our Birth moms. I want them to be a strong part of our family an important part. I am so lucky to to become a part of their lives and make it to the eternities with them. I couldn't do this journey without them. My family cannot start without them.

 We were then certified July 21^st 2009.  Our profile went up and the very next day we were contacted by Lindsey a Birth mom. We quickly emailed her back. No response back from her. A few weeks later we were then chosen by another Birth mom in California. We were so excited. A few weeks went by and we were then contacted by our caseworker and were told she changed her mind and was not going to place with us. 
The very same night Lindsey emailed us back. A few days later she asked us to be the parents of her daughter. We were able to build an amazing relationship over the next few months leading up to the birth of Henslee.  My hubby and I were in the room when our daughter was born. It was the most incredible experience of my life. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when my daughter I had waited for looked at me for the first time. Time stood still.  

Henslee & her birthmom Lindsey

 Over the next few months we were able to continue our open adoption with Lindsey.  We were in love with our little Henslee and enjoying every second of being parents. Lindsey came over and visited frequently. We loved that Lindsey would be a part of Henslee’s life. We love Lindsey. We couldn’t imagine our adoption journey without her being in it.  Henslee is now 18 months old and getting cuter by the second. Lindsey has been an important  part of our lives through the entire process.We get to see Lindsey once or twice a month and look forward to seeing her each time..

3rd greatest blessing of my life: My Son Nixon

Henslee's birth mom Lindsey let me know in July of 2010 that her good friend Olesia was pregnant and thinking to place her baby for adoption. Lindsey told me that she was going to "talk" Olesia into placing her baby with us. We didn't think much of it because we were parents to a 7 month old baby : ) . The amazing thing is that we knew Olesia. She came to the hospital when Henslee was born. We have a picture of her with Henslee when Henslee was 2 days old. Lindsey and Olesia grew up across the street from each other. Well so a few months goes by and I was out to lunch with Lindsey. She brought up Olesia again. I have never felt a feeling so strong in my life, I knew that if Olesia was having a BOY I knew he would be a part of our family. So we didn't get our hopes up. But I did continue thinking about Olesia, constantly she was on my mind. A few months went by and I sent Lindsey a text message asking her if Olesia knew what she was having yet?? Lindsey then told me she just found out and that it was going to be a Little Boy! Wow chills all over my body.  Olesia wanted to meet and a few days later we went to dinner with Olesia. It was an amazing night. We felt like we had known Olesia forever. Olesia was also adopted from Russia a few years ago, so she is very familiar with the love, heart ache and feelings regarding adoption. After meeting with her I knew in my heart that she would be in our lives forever. We went to dinner a few nights later and that is when she asked us if we would be the parents of her Son. After a few months of getting to know Olesia, going to dinner, movies and ultra sounds we were able to gain a strong relationship with her.  Olesia gave birth to our Son Nixon in April of 2011.  She gave me the opportunity to be in the delivery room when he was born. I gained a deeper love for her watching her go through what she did to get Nixon here. Olesia took Nixon home until she signed papers.  The day she went home from the hospital we received a call from our case worker telling us that Olesia decided not to place and was going to parent instead. We were heart broken to say the least. Olesia decided she would think about it and let us know a few days later what her final decision was going to be. After a lot of prayers and miracles she signed papers at 72 hours.

Nixon & his Birthmom Olesia

We love Olesia. She is a strong person. Not alot of women are strong enough to do what she did. She loved Nixon more than anything in the world. I love that Nixon will always know of the love she has for him.  Nixon is now 8 weeks old and the cutest little man ever.

My Hubby, Me, Henslee & Lindsey

Olesia (pregnant with Nixon) Me, Henslee & my Hubby

Wow the adoption process is a roller coaster!! There is nothing anyone can say or nothing you can do to prepare your self for the emotions, good and bad that will come with your adoption journey. Having had 2 adoptions you would think we would’ve been better prepared  for our second adoption.  NOPE. Every Birth-mom is different, hence every adoption is different. Having an open adoption is a work in progress. We have had our fair share of ups and downs with both of our Birth-moms. But like any other relationship you have to work on it. We have worked and are still working on it and I can say we have an incredible relationship with both of them. I have a deep love  for each one of them and I cherish my  relationship with our Birth-moms. They are the reason I am a mommy today. I will forever be grateful to them for allowing me to raise and be the mommy to their precious children. The journey of adoption is Incredible. You will see the hand of the Lord through the entire process.  He gives us trials to test our faith, to build our relationship with him and to help us grow.   We are truly blessed to have the opportunity to be apart of the adoption process.  We love our OPEN adoptions.  We love our Birth-moms. 

Please contact me with any questions you have. My family blog is http://jesseandjaymie.blogspot.com/. I love to talk about our adoptions. I wish I could share it with the entire world how Amazing adoption is.  Good luck in your adoption journeys! It will be the greatest journey of your lives.

Breast Milk For My Baby - Part 3

Sawyer and I with his primary milk donors : )

Our story got out there and I started getting contacted more and more by people telling me how they never considered donating to adopted babies. It reached a pediatrician from California! She had a sister that worked with Brett and had also just adopted a baby. The pediatrician had just had a baby herself and decided to start pumping for her sisters adopted baby that lived in Texas. By the time that milk got to Texas, the adopted baby had already gotten used to formula so the baby refused the milk. So instead of it going bad, they offered it to us. We willingly took it! (It was also milk bank approved.) When Sawyer was about 11 months old, he was still going strong on the breast milk. We were getting low again and I wasn’t scheduled to see the out of state donor for a few more days. I again thought to my self, this is it isn’t it. At his doctor check-up I asked the doctor if it was ok to start him on cows milk early instead of switching him to formula for a few weeks then moving to cows milk. He told me no. The Minimum age to start Sawyer completely on cows milk was at 1 year old. We were almost out of all the donor milk with no more scheduled visits to the out of state donor. I had been mixing cows milk and donor milk to spread it out as much as I could. The Dr. did approve that ; ) We made it to 11 and 1/2 months and we were down to about one more bottles worth of milk. Again, I thought, “this is the end isn’t it.” Nope, I was wrong again!

Meet Erin!

She didn’t even know if we were still giving Sawyer breast milk but she still felt impressed to ask. I am so glad she did! We planned a time to meet and Brett and I picked up a weeks worth of milk. She said she will pump more milk and we could come back in a week to pick it up. A week later we picked up more milk and that lasted till 1 day before his birthday. WOW! We made it 364 days on breast milk! 1 day shy of a year!

The last bottle from the out of state donor....

Sawyer’s first birthday party was 2 days before his actual birthday. All of Sawyer’s families were there, (our family & both sides of his birth families) and then we got a surprise visitor! His out of state donor and her son (Sawyer’s lunch buddy) completely surprised us at his party! When I saw them I just started crying! I couldn’t believe they flew all the way here to be here. “I just couldn’t miss it”, she said.

We spent the next couple of days with them as well as some other friends. She pumped for him those last few days and on his actual birthday, she fed him his very last bottle. It was perfect!

We made it! An ENTIRE YEAR!

Sawyer and his buddies that shared their lunch with him every day.

All of us together!

I can’t express enough how much that meant to me. How much it meant to Sawyer! People who I once thought of as strangers, kept my child alive, healthy and full. They answered so many of my prayers. From one Mom to another, they were there when I wanted to be and I couldn’t. They didn’t have to do it. They never charged me a dime for the milk. They sacrificed hundreds of hours during the day and night for us. I am so grateful Heavenly Father heard my prayers and led me to them. To this day, I still get people telling me how they never even thought to donate to other babies until they heard about our story. If you are in the process of adopting and breast milk means as much to you as it did to me, there is a way. It doesn’t hurt to ask someone. Some women would even feel honored to do it. I never thought we would make it an entire year but I am so glad we did.

If you would like more info on finding donors, I have a lot of sources! Feel free to ask me anything you like. Good luck!

Breast Milk For My Baby- Part 2

I started reading the ad and it was posted by a Mother who regularly donated to the Mother’s Milk bank of North Texas. She had also been donating to an adopted baby on the side as well as currently nursing her son. She produced TONS of milk and wanted to put it towards a good cause. I called her the next day and we talked for a bit. She asked lots of questions to make sure I was legit. She had already been screened, tested, and approved to do be a milk donor She also included that she was a non-drinker, non-smoker, and non-drug user.

When asked why she would donate, her reply was, "I am very passionate about pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. Besides why not help a baby in need if I can?" She told me she would be glad to donate to me! She immediately started pumping and freezing. My baby wasn’t due for another month or so so she could have a good supply ready for him when he arrived. She gave me updates on her progress and we had every oz counted. When the time came closer for my baby to arrive, I went to pick up all she had pumped so far.

My first pick up she had 732 oz of milk for my baby ready to go.

That was enough to feed him on breast milk only for an entire month! I never ever thought she would be willing to donate me so much. I was thinking she would maybe donate me a few bags that I could give to him one feeding a month for some antibodies here and there, but never this much. I was sooo extremely grateful!

One thing I didn’t know about this donor was that she was also a avid video maker that was partnered with youtube. She made lots of pregnancy and parenting videos for the world to see. She had thousands of subscribers and millions of view from all over the world. She even made some videos about herself donating to me. See Here!

She taught me a lot about video making and so I created my own youtube channel to make videos on. I thought it would be a good way for my friends and family out of state to see Sawyer grow up. It was also a good way for his birth families to see him too : )

My First Video!

A few days before Sawyer was ready to be here, I got a random message from a woman who lived 5 states away from me. She was one of my donor’s best friends. She introduced herself and told me she too was a certified milk donor for a milk bank. I had seen some of her videos before so I kind of knew a little about her already. She told me that she had some colostrum ( the extreme nutrient rich milk that comes before the full on milk supply) stored in her freezer. She said that for some reason she kept feeling compelled to save it. She had donated thousands ounces to milk banks and kids in Haiti yet for some reason she felt the need to hold on to this particular milk. When she heard about our story and how we were receiving donor milk, she felt that THIS was why she felt compelled to save it. She told me she would be glad to over night it to me. 2 days later it showed up on my door step : ) I was so grateful!!!

The next day it was delivery day. I packed up the colostrum in an ice chest and took it to the hospital with me. I was so glad that his first meal was going to be colostrum! After almost 12 hours of labor, Sawyer was born. Best.... Moment.... Ever!

When it came time to feed him, we told the nurses that we had brought our own donor milk. However since the milk hadn’t been tested and approved by the hospital, they weren’t going to let us use it. I was so upset. When I had pediatrician shopped, I told the doctor about our milk donors and he thought it was wonderful. He also told me that I could NOT go back and forth between formula and breast milk because that would really upset his stomach. I did not want that for my baby.

I talked to the pediatric dietician supervisor and told them our situation. She told me I could used hospital donor breast milk THEY provided but it would cost me $14.50 per OZ. Since Sawyer’s birth mother was “ABLE” to breast feed and because Sawyer wasn’t a “Sickly” baby insurance wouldn’t cover it. When Sawyer’s B-Ma learned of the situation, she offered to try to breast feed him herself. You are probably wondering why she just didn’t from the get go, well for a few reasons that I can discuss later. One thing I didn’t mention is that the nurse taking care of Sawyer’s B-Ma was also a birth mom!

She totally knew what Sawyer’s B-Ma was going through and knew how emotionally hard it would be if Sawyer’s B-Ma did breast feed him. So the nurse went and called Sawyer’s pediatrician. She told him our situation with the hospital not letting us use OUR donor breast milk and since he had already known about our donors (from when I interviewed him before we choose him) he wrote a “Prescription” for Sawyer to have ONLY hospital donor breast milk! What a relief! Sawyer was the first baby at that hospital to receive hospital donor breast milk that wasn’t “sickly” or had an “Abled Mother”. It was a very different situation but a great one!

When we took him home, we got to start him on the colostrum. That lasted a few days and the we started him on the breast milk that our first donor had been storing for us. I kept in touch with the out of state donor and updated her on our progress. Then she told me she would like to donate MORE milk to Sawyer. My first thought was HOW? How would I get it from where she lives to where I live? I hit the internet and research airlines. I quickly learned I could check it in a cooler as baggage as long as there was no dry ice in it. So from then on she started pumping and freezing for us. We planned to go see her in 2 months and pick up Sawyer’s lunches ; )

About this same time, I got a call from the lady at church, (the first one I asked to donate that had to think about it), and she told me she wanted to try and pump for us. I was so surprised. She told me that back in college, she had a baby and someone had asked her to donate breast milk to them. She turned them down. She told me that she never forgot about that and always felt so bad about turning that lady and her baby down. She felt this was a way she could make things right in her heart and was grateful for the opportunity. She was able to pump about 25 extra ounces and I was grateful for every drop. That was the only donation she made and I was soooo thankful.

Brett and I quickly became pros at thawing and serving breast milk. We didn’t want to waste a drop. Sawyer loved his meals and had a happy little tummy. 2 months quickly flew by and we were almost out of donor milk. It was perfect timing because it was time to fly across the U.S. and get Sawyer’s other milk donors milk.

Sawyer meeting his out of state donor for the first time : )

We flew back and forth every 2 months to get milk. His out of state donor even flew here a couple times. We all became really close friends.

Months went by and there was a time that I was going to run out. Sawyer was about 6 months old. I hadn’t received any more milk from my local donor and I wasn’t scheduled to meet with the out of state donor for another 2 weeks. I thought that was going to be the end of the breast milk for sure. I never thought he would have made it this far on donor milk to begin with so I was soooo grateful it lasted for 6 months. Then out of the blue, I got a message on facebook from another girl at church. She said she had an extra stash of breast milk in her freezer and she wanted to know if I wanted it. I of course said “YES!” I went and picked it up and it lasted EXACTLY 2 weeks! I felt so blessed : )

We went and picked up another round of milk out of state to last him for a while. He was drinking more milk at this age so we were burning through it fast. Every time I left my out of state milk donors house, I thought to my self, “this time will probably be the last”. I know how much time and effort she put into pumping for Sawyer as well as feeding her own son. I expected her to say she was done with donating any day. However, she didn’t. She said she would like to see Sawyer make it to an entire year on breast milk. Again.... SO GRATEFUL!