Guest Post: Brittnee

Yesterday I received a very heartfelt email from a hopeful adoptive mama who is in the midst of the journey and wanted to share her thoughts and feelings with those out there who may be going through the same thing. Thanks for opening your heart to all of us,Britnee, and best wishes on your journey to find the little one meant to be in your family! -Elise

Adoption Blesses Lives

I always thought adoption would be easy. For us, I thought the getting here would be the hardest part. It took us five years as a couple to decide that we were both ready to adopt. One day I would be ready, the next I wouldn’t and vice versa. We were never ending up on the same page. Then one Sunday, in the middle of sacrament meeting, I turned to my husband and I said it’s time. I felt such an overwhelming peace that we were going to be blessed through adoption. My husband asked for some time to ponder his feelings and in the end he agreed, it was time! We called our local LDSFS the next day! We were totally lucky, the orientation meeting was scheduled for Thursday, (only a three day wait) and the FSA education courses that are offered twice a year were starting the following month, only three weeks away. We got our paperwork done quickly, had our interviews, and completed our home study in record time. We were approved and online just nine weeks to the day that we originally started our journey. I just knew that because everything had lined up so absolutely perfect, it would be a matter of months before we were placed with a baby. I even set a deadline that I just “knew” in my heart would be the timeline for bringing baby home, December 2010. 

That time came and went. Nothing. We came up on our first year and inevitably a home study renewal. We had just purchased our first home and graduated from college so we were sure these two things would drastically increase our chances. We eagerly started again, but this time we opted to also have our profile shared with the Department of Health and Welfare. Four months in, we got a call about a sibling group of 3. We were sure this was our time. After praying and pondering, we knew these kids were not ours. There was a family who could provide them so much more than we could at that time. We were ready for one, we worried about how we could care for three. It was heartbreaking and we worried that we might be walking away from our only chance but we said no and then we started waiting and searching again. Our second year passed and we were so doubtful about renewing again. We prayed and with some guidance from our priesthood leaders, felt like we should continue. Towards the end of our second year, we had been working on fertility treatments simultaneously and were so exhausted and burned out by it all. We decided that this third year would most likely be our final one. Only three months in, we decided it was time to move on. We would continue to wait for the adoption, but we stopped all fertility treatments at this time. We began to work on healing.

Here’s the thing, and I’m ashamed to say it, but I often longed for a miscarriage, a failed placement, or even to be scammed. I just longed for someone to notice us or want us and I longed to feel like there was a chance, that maybe we’d be parents someday. When we finally gave up and started to feel whole again, we had a private adoption opportunity that didn’t work out. We were so close. The baby was due in only fourteen days and we were literally waiting for the final yes. The birth mother selected another family in the end. Surprisingly, we were okay. We were heart broken, but we felt whole. We knew that this was an answer to our prayers. We knew that this was a key telling us to hold on a little longer. Since then, we’ve had a few opportunities sent our way. In fact, our profile is being handed off to a birth mother tomorrow for consideration. Although we aren’t the only couple being considered, we feel so blessed to have come this far.

Our journey isn’t over yet, but as I said in the beginning, I knew we would be blessed by adoption and I can honestly attest that we have. There is something so sweet and exciting about the process, that only those who have gone through it can really appreciate. We have learned so many wonderful things and we have grown and changed along the way. Most of all, our marriage has been strengthened ten-fold. I don’t know where we’ll be in a few days or years, or if and when we’ll be parents, but I do know that adoption blesses and changes lives! -Brittnee

Thanks again Brittnee for contacting me and sharing your thoughts! Check out more about Brittnee on her adoption profile at https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24679131/ourMessage.jsf