Adoption Mythbusting

by Brittany of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal

Here are some more adoption myths.  (These were printed on a flyer that came with our orientation packet when we went to LDS Family Services for the first time.  I don't know how else to cite the origin.) Anyway, I think a lot of people out there hold on to these myths, so let's do some adoption mythbusting!

• Children who are placed for adoption are not wanted by their birth parents.
  
• Birth parents can come back and take away my adopted child.
• Adopted children are more likely to have mental and emotional problems.
• Adopted children should be spared the stigma of adoption by not telling them they are adopted until they are old enough to understand.
• Adopted children and birth parents never get over the loss of separation from each other.
• It is in the best interests of all parties that adoptions be completely closed.
• Children should always be placed with families of the same ethnicity.
• Only wealthy couples can adopt children.
• Adoption cures infertility.

Be sure to check out the links embedded in this post.  To read more adoption myths click here to read a list from ItsAboutLove.org, and click here to read a list of some of my own.

Conversation Starters: Meeting your Birth Mom

By Brittany of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal
(please do not re-publish any of this material on your blog)


June 23rd was the first anniversary of the day we met our son's birth mom for the first time.  It was on a Tuesday afternoon that we met her at her LDS Family Services agency location (we go to a different location).  We met in a large room with couches and the meeting was between my husband and I, our birth mom, our 2 caseworkers and our birth mom's friend.  I really liked having the caseworkers there to help get things moving, but once we found a topic that we had in common, our conversation just took off!

Every adoption is different, and some adoptive couples never meet their child's birth mother, but if the opportunity arises, here are some helpful conversation starters!  (Of course, the age of your birth mom will determine a lot of the questions, but here are a few to get you thinking):

• How many brothers or sisters do you have?
• Which movies are your favorite?
• Where did you grow up?
• Do you have pets?
• Do you have a favorite actor?
• What is your favorite food?
• Do you have a hobby? Do you collect things?
• Do you have college plans? 
• What is your favorite book?
• How have you been feeling? 
• Do you get crazy pregnancy cravings?
• What do you do in your free time?
• Do you like outdoors activities?
• What was/is your favorite class in school?

Some topics may be sensitive, so be cautious about bringing up the following things (or let the birth mother or adoption caseworker bring them up):

•  Details about her home life
• Asking too many baby-related questions (focus on getting to know her)
•  Prying for information about the birth father (he may have left her on bad terms, the pregnancy may be a result of a rape, he may be incarcerated, etc.)

 Remember that the purpose of the first meeting is to get to know each other, so try to relax and have fun!

The Genetics of Adoption

By Brittany of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal

When you have an adopted child, lots of people will want to tell you the following things:

1. They know of a woman who got pregnant soon after adopting a child. (I know of several, too.)
2. Your adopted child looks just like you and/or your spouse.(And then they'll give you other examples of people they know who adopted children who look just like them too.)
3. Said physical "resemblance" is the proof that the baby was meant to be in your family. (I don't believe that, but that's for another blog post entirely.)

I've had many many people tell me that Liam looks like Que.  I don't see it.  And at first I wondered if people were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. (If that's not why you told me that, I apologize, and please don't be offended.)

But then I started to think about the notion of Liam having Que's eyes.

And I agree.  No really.  I do.  

Liam has Que's eyes.
And I have photographic proof.

And sometimes Liam even has his nose.

Ah, the genetics of adoption.  :)
Maybe I'll put that in his baby book.

Beware of this Adoption Scammer

 Hopeful Adoptive Couples:  Please beware of this adoption scammer. She poses as a prospective birth mom (she is not pregnant) and has hurt a lot of people in the LDS adoption community.  Apparently she is on the prowl for new couples to victimize. Please spread the word about her so that she can't hurt anyone else. If she has contacted you, let your adoption caseworker and Lindsey of the r house know.

To protect yourself, learn some of the red flags of an adoption scammer.  Check out this blog post by Brenda of Another Small Adventure.

Adoption Finalization

by Brittany of Que & Brittany's Adoption Journal


On April 29th we were able to finalize our adoption!  Below is a photo of us with Judge Medley in his chambers following the proceeding.  What a great day!  (Now we can file for his birth certificate and his social security card!)

Two days later we took him to the temple to be sealed.  What a wonderful experience it was to have our baby brought to us in the sealing room, dressed in white.  He was so good, too!  He was in such a good mood and looked so cute in his little white outfit.  There wasn't a dry eye in the house.  I will never forget how we felt that day, in the temple with him.

photography by Nicole Baxter

photography by Tonja Day

Then later Saturday we had our open house reception where we displayed your pass along cards.  Thank you again!  We had a great time and are so grateful for all of our friends and family members who came to support us.

Yesterday was Liam's baby blessing and was the last event in our wonderful celebrations.  Que and I bore our testimonies of the temple, families and of the atonement.  It was even more special to us because Liam's birth mother and other members of her family were there as well.  It was such a spiritual thing, I don't think a lot of people realize how spiritual adoption is!

Maybe that's because it's about Love. :)

Birth Mother's Day is coming!

Birth Mother's Day is May 8th and it is coming up! Be sure to not forget that special birth mom in your life.  Tell her with flowers, a note, a text, or click here for other great gift ideas.

There is also an Adoption Celebration Walk on Saturday, May 8th.  Meet at the Provo High School track at 10:00am.

Oh, and as a matter of motherly pride, I must also tell you that my son Liam recently modeled for the r house couture.  :)  (see below) They have wonderful gifts that you could use for Birth Mother's Day as well!